Life begins at Sexty.
My dad turns sixty next week. Sixty is so old it practically defies comprehension. Dads aren't sixty. The Queen is sixty (plus twenty). Diamond wedding anniversaries are sixty. THE COMBINED AGE OF SHRILL POPSTERS GIRLS ALOUD IS SIXTY.
Dad will be eligible for a SENIORS DISCOUNT when we go out painting the town brown, which is terrifying. No doubt soon he will apply for an ear trumpet through the pharmaceutical benefits scheme and spend happy afternoons rocking on his porch with a supply of sharp stones to throw at passing neighbourhood rascals.
What if he forgets important things like my birthday?
What if I need to push him around places in a wheelchair and cute boys trip over him, completely embarrassing me?
What if he can't hear me when I stand behind him screaming BUY ME A PONY DADDY OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL SLASH MY THROAT?
Most importantly, what do I get him for a gift?
I don't have a job at the moment, so I guess it has to be one of those 'I like it because you're my only child and you've made an effort' things, like an ashtray in the shape of a snail for all the non-cigarettes he won't be smoking since giving up thirty years ago.
I wanted to write him a story, but have so far only got about three paragraphs - including the sentences: 'It’s not so much a quirky physical setback as it is a series of flailing limbs that would earn me a place in the Special Olympics team. Quentin has more motorskills than I do', which hardly seems enough.
Please help. I love my dad and I want to get him something special.
p.s. I cannot afford to take him up Mount Kosciusko. Also he is not the outdoors type.
614 days til the next election.
Comments
happy birthday AB!
i'm thinking maybe a date with missy higgins.
or perhaps just one of her cds.
What, nads, you don't think he's suffering enough by becoming a sexagenarian?
no, i just know he has a soft spot for the scarred young lass.
Actually, he loves Missy Higgins. Missy Higgins and Jet.
I get my musical taste from my mother.
YOUR MOTHER LOVES JOEY DEE TOO?!?
*leaves*
You should get him Quentin. Everyone should have a motorised pumpkin!
Is a Quentin cheap?
By Missy Higgins' cds, do you mean "cum drenched stockings"? Because if you don't, then I'm bored already.
i really don't think it would be appropriate to give a 60 year old man the cum-drenched stockings of a twenty-something girl.
unless, of course, its garry glitter's birthday.
Oh, come on, it's all legal. Disgusting and probably immoral, but perfectly legal.
I thought Gary Glitter went for little boys, anyway...
How did we go from an innocent question about my beloved father's birthday gift to Gary Glitter and cum-drenched stockings?
Honestly.
i blame pore taste.
and poor taste.
and boredom.
sorry.
Really? It's my dad's 60th this week, too... and I also haven't the foggiest what to get him. I will lurk here for ideas.
(I think we turn 30 the same week in May as well. Freaky.)
Its cheap and cheesy, but the last birthday present I gave my dad before he died was a box of kisses.
A pretty box all wrapped up with ribbon with a card saying to open it whenever he needed my kisses if I wasn't there.
Like I said, cheesy, but dads' love that shit from their daughters. And I found the box next to his bed the night he died, so I guess he used it every now and again.
You can always cop out with "the gift of love" which of course has no physical manifestation, other than the hand made card you WILL give him.
Socks. And apparently incontinence pants are cheap.
Oh, and a book.
Also super cheesy, but what about a scrap book of stuff you love about him? Anecdotes, photos, news clippings (as relevant)?
You could also whack in some IOUs of the doing the washing up for 1 week kind ...
Please let us know what you decide. My dad's turning 60 this year and any hints are appreciated
I don't know if I've got enough time to get a scrapbook together. Will Fop suggested I print out my archives and bind them.
p.s. magical_m - beautiful.
Dear Fits,
My dad turns 70 this year! Good lord.
I'm kinda going with Magical M's beautiful suggestion.
That is, of course, unless you've got time to whip up a grandkid for your Dad! They love that. They can both indulge in their combined lack of teeth and share a mango!
I'm still not at all sure that my father has recovered from his own baby girl becoming a mother (at 35 mind you!).
And happy birthday to him.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
My daughter quite unexpectedly snuggled into me on Sunday and whispered into my ear "I love you, Frank". I'm still wearing the rosy glow of it. My names not Frank. And she's only 3. But if she does the same thing when she's 33, with the same tone of conviction, I'm convinced it will give me the same warm inner glow. Or perhaps that will just be the single malt Islay scotch she gives me as well.
Buzz
Another cheesy suggestion: a friend of my mum's gave her a really long piece of fabric with 50 buttons sewn on it for her 50th. She'd even made up little stories about why she'd chosen each button for each year (I think she only did that for the first 10 or so years). The fabric is long enough for her to sew on a new button each year on her birthday, mind you she turns 56 this year and I'm pretty sure there is still only 50 buttons on there.
Also, senior's discount doesn't apply until 65 so he still has 5 lovely years left of paying full price.
Walking stick? Gorillagram! It'll be memorable.
Or some sort of service eg a massage, or pedicure or something like that.
I suppose bacis (chocolates) are kisses (in Italian).
Just trying to be helpful.
Yeah fits, offer to give your da a massage. That won't be weird at all.
For her 60th, I took my mother to get the tattoo she'd always wanted. Was much less painful for me than the previous year when I went in her (and my) first City to Surf (my last; she does them every year now).
These are the tokens of affection in an undemonstrative family :)
I'm sure you'll think of something perfect, in the nick of time.
I've got it!
It's perfect!
The ideal gift for your father's 60th birthday!
Something every home in the country should have!
A DVD box set of the Bob Morrison Show!
Genius.
I recommend watching the Malcom In The Middle episode where they were tight on cash and decided to make their christmas presents instead of buying them. The boys had some bright ideas. Just don't make the crap pressie Hal made.
Whatever you do, don't ask him what he wants.
My dad turned 60 seven (seven!) years ago, and we asked him what he wanted if he could have anything in the world.
He sat and thought about it for half an hour, then replied 'a giant plate of offal'.
It is a sign of my step-mother's love for him that she went to the market and provided said plate of brains, kidneys, liver, black pudding, 'sweetmeats' and chicken feet, his favourite. God knows none of his children were going to do it.
Even Missy Higgins' cum drenched stockings and/or her music are preferable than that. Slightly.
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