Reasons you will hate me

Can't, strike that, can believe, not I would expected and rightly so, that you are still beating this dead horse Mzzz Hardy.

Boring!

Dead horse.

Simple as that.

Post a digital photo of you in this "at the pc in your underwear" image you constantly tell us about, and taunt us with.

Jesus Christ.

Well, Fitsarella, I WAS going to say 'far be it from me to refuse you your grammar gripes - your blog, your voice after all'. Instead, let me say I find you 8, perhaps even 80, different kinds of gorgeous for being able to take on the chin the (i hope constructive) criticism of those who luvz ya. (oh, the spelling!) :-) - cheers, ejbpb - no that's not my name - that's the wordthingo.

why the fuck is your gig guide on the right of your blog like fucking two months old plus?

fuckin update it!

You fuckin made up that second letter. You're a liar. You just made it the fuck up. Fucking crap. Get some material for fuck's sake. Unreal. Instead of making shit up fucking update your fucking blog gig guide, and shit, maybe I dunno add a photo of you in your underwear like I said, just fucking do something abgout it,

M*** M*****
Miss Marple? That would explain so much.

To the sweet-lipped purveyors of anonymity above — earlier today, a man known as "watch TV online" suggested that a blogger should do something more productive with his time than turn a moleskine notebook into an external drive enclosure. Please re-read that and take time to dwell on it awhile.

When I read the bit about having no teeth in the first letter I thought at the time, "Chopper Read has no teeth, how does Fits know he didn't send it"?

The sapphic slave reference in the second installment would seem to rule this out. But I then I started to picture Chopper in a grannies nightie writing you letters. I think I'll just go & poke myself in the eyes now ...

Well gee, Anon 12:07. Since you asked so nicely...

What happened to the previous post from today?

And why does this blog seem to be attracting the right-wing retrograde nutters of late? I'd have thought the word verification thingy was sufficiently complicated to keep their comments out.

Where'd the original post from today go? Was it deemed unsuitable?

Your anonymous commenters are delightfully witty... :)

Looks to me like you need to close the bold HTML tag on this post so your entire blog doesn't appear in bold ... including your sidebar of links, etc.

Actually, it appears to be partially in italics, as well. Unless it's just that something's very wrong with my screen?

I'm a bit confused.

Yeah fucking update your fucking gig fucking guide.

What are we fucking paying you for?

oh, bugger off.

Fits - is that any way to talk to Bevis? - oh, I see, you meant my nasty namesake. :-) BTW Bevis, the blog appears fine on mine.

A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR

A recent review of the comments on RYWHM has revealed that some readers are less than enamoured of the literary stylings of our much admired, nay, beloved resident auteur.

While you may not be aware of this, it is a key feature of the interweb that you can look at a variety of different content, or “web pages” as we call them. Accordingly, it is entirely unnecessary for you to visit, discuss or deface RYWHM if it causes you unnecessary mental distress.

If, for example, a visit here brings on an attack of Tourette’s Syndrome (you poor dear Anonymous 12.06) you may wish to look elsewhere.

The interweb is replete with “web sites” that will meet your, ahem, needs*.

* Eg holocaust denial, dead pets, Tim Blair.

Anonymous flying the B-52 loaded with f-bombs: ever heard the saying "less is more"? I'm a big fan of the curse words but they tend to lose some impact when they're the only adjective in your arsenal.

G'day Fits (if you're still reading after all those sister's ahem vaginas),

Anon from 1:37pm here. I think the sarcasm in my comment was lost in print - I meant merely to point out you are in fact NOT being paid (and are therefore worthy of praise rather than derision) and so poking fun in a light hearted manner at Sister Cuntington from earlier.

I now realise that poking should never be done in a light hearted manner and only in the confines of a loving christian marriage.

Yours with appa-logies

And now the sister's unmentionables have (most thankfully) disappeared my above comment would appear to be somewhat incestuous (or most blasphemous). Lucky I'm anonymous...

Whatever happened to "I never delete comments unless people specifically request it, Jeff."

... although I guess taking down the post meant the comments were no longer relevant, I'm just surprised that you'd erase criticism!

Ms Fits,

I think you might be becoming mainstream. Not only do I see that Jesus has left a comment today (am I the only one that feels slightly dyslexic after reading that first sentece?) but My DAD knows who you are now. From behind the newspaper the other day I heard him jest in a very dad kinda way, "Oh, that Mareike Hardy, she's a lot like reading Andrew Bolt ... I just can't look away." Now I'm startig to wonder if he's been here reading this all along, or reading my blog or maybe he has a blog! Anonymous 12.07, hello, Daddy, is that you?

Dear Max

It is impossible to delete a post and leave the comments up. If people want to repeat their criticisms of me in here, they're more than welcome.


Dear Djali


I AM NOT LIKE READING ANDREW BOLT.



*has existential crisis*



love, Fits. x

say what you want about a man's religious beliefs but surely his sentence structure is sacrosanct

So, some bottle-blue haired vixen, born before the middle of the last century wants to have a close relationship with the dusky rose betwixt your thighs?

Hey, come on, you are usually up for anything. You've seen Harold and Maude. GILFs have needs, too.

Fitsy, what angst for a Monday!

I'm hoping this MM is from Mlebourne, as my Great Aunt from Adelaide apparently had/has a penchant for drinking from the furry cup, and I seem to recall she has no teeth...

Sister's cunt sister's cunt sister's cunt

WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON IN YOUR COMMENTS TO-DAY? I thought we would be discussing the letter and how it's actually probable that you were consuming figs and wine on a Yarra barge. Instead it's several rounds of nasty 'close your damn TAGS you DODDERY old FOOL' and 'shut up and provide nude pictures/update your gig guide'. It just wasn't what I was expecting.

Anyway, I trust you are well.
xx
William

oooh oooh Fits Fits Fits, I just noticed something! I don't think your alliteratively appellated admirer is an old lady, because old ladies don't say "yr" when they mean "your", unless they are terribly, TERRIBLY hip old ladies.

Your blog has such a rich history, I do need to catch up.

I don't blame this venerable seductreuse, though. Who hasn't dreamed of getting some barge action with a noted pop-culture humorist? In my case it was Dave Barry, but the principle is similar.

"Sailing down the Yarra in yr barge, you gobbled figs and gulped red wine."

Maybe this is actually some sort of metaphor?

Does "Sailing down the Yarra" have a (perhaps Melbourne specific) double meaning?

Unless, of course, Fitsy was actually on a barge in the Yarra, in which case I'm barking up the wrong tree entirely.

I agree this whole thing is very spooky though. But not quite as spooky (IMO) as the phone call from Eddie McGuire.....

I don't know of any double meaning to "sailing down the Yarra", but if there is one it would be extremely murky and slow-moving.

And the implications of doing it in a barge are interesting also.

antony and cleopatra? shakespeare anyone?

"The barge she sat in, like a burnished throne,
Burned on the water: the poop was beaten gold;
Purple the sails, and so perfumèd, that
The winds were lovesick with them;"

and so on?

i'm sorry, i can't get past 'the poop was beaten gold'. what can i say, i'm easily amused.
re: the letter, you have yourself an interesting situation here. i got a text message today that said 'i can hear the bells i'm not as late as i thought' and i was hoping it was the beginning of some anonymous line-by-line love text. but then i got 'sorry sent that to the wrong number' and my hopes were dashed. so be thankful for miss marple's attention, and hope she never finds out where you live.
'xorti' - see, even word verification sounds like it kinda agrees with me.

gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!...gig guide!... you get my drift !

Sapphic - Of, relating to, or being an Aeolic verse of 11 syllables, consisting of a first part of 4 syllables, a central choriamb, and a final part of 3 syllables........