Murder, Marry, Fight, Fuck - the Classics Edition.
I wanted to post this firstly because we haven't played a game of MMFF for some time and secondly because I was watching The Wizard of Oz on tv on Saturday night and I honest-to-god started musing aloud: 'You know, that Scarecrow is kind of hot. I would totally have sex with him. Hopefully that hay wouldn't itch too much once we got stuck into it.'
So join me in my twisted fantasy, won't you?
MURDER, MARRY, FIGHT, FUCK:
MURDER: As a femi-nazi (TM) who clearly hates women, I would murder Dorothy. Not only because she is a simpering moron who apologises for throwing water on the Wicked Witch (wtf? She's your mortal enemy, fuckface), but also because it would be kind of cool to roll a fictional character for their shoes. Thereby cleverly fusing modern-day gangsta stylee with Warner Brothers sentimentality and Sex And The City-type shoe business.
MARRY:
The Tin Man. Because he's the sort of stiff-shirt executive a wild child like me clearly needs to keep them in line. It'd just be nice to have him fussing over my appointments and trying to get me places on time. Also if I grew tired of him I could tease him with my wit and make him cry so he'd rust up and leave me be.
FIGHT:
This is an easy one. The Lion. Of course the Lion. Not only is he a pussy who would run away from a full-on barney, but you could legitimately say you fought a lion and kicked his ass . Like, get me and my lion fighting. I may even purchase a chair and whip combination with which to further my career in dominating the king of the jungle. And perhaps I will also buy a pair of hotpants and refer to myself as The Great Fitsio.
FUCK:
I gave this one away already. I would do that Scarecrow like a hay-filled bitch. I like his long nose and self-deprecating humour. Also, goofy boys do it for me. We'd just have to go easy on the tea-light candles during our more romantic moments.
Now you play.
1052 days til the next election.
Comments
ooh - controversial. I would:
fight Dorothy. love a good bitchfight. it would be all hairpulling and claws. and i have less hair, but some pretty good claws. Plus, what wouldnt i do for red shoes?! and she's a feisty one - the way she gave it to that witch... makes me liquid just thinking bout it.
marry the lion. cos then i could feel all needed and protective. courage by proxy.
fuck.. yeah, with you on the scarecrow. a totally mindless shag where you could legitimately say you fucked the stuffing out of him.
murder the tinman. heartless bastard deserves it.
murder: the lion. there is no place for cowardice in nadstown. i would put a stake through his pathetic chest and then barbecue him like a bitch for all the animal kingdom to feast on.
marry: the tinman. not really much to do with him, but more so for nostalgic memroies of my best friend and i singing "if i only had a heart" in high school. fruity as fuck, weren't we? still are, really.
fight: dorothy. i'd be wearing red sparkly stilettos. and a witch's hat. and she'd be begging for my mercy while i repeatedly stabbed her in the eye with my heel and screamed "take that prissy cow" at her.
fuck: totally agree with you there my dear. however, i fear he'd go a bit soggy in the spa.
ooh, ok. Mine's
Murder The scarecrow. His face, it shits me.
Marry Dorothy. I know, I have a sick thing for innocent girls. I'm a 23-year old girl who's a dirty old man. I just think bitch could do my laundry and be the perfect housewife while I watch teev and eat snacks, then of a night I could corrupt her. Muahahaha
Fight Definately the Lion; I'm with you on that'un.
Fuck Tin Man, coz if lil tin man's as hard as the rest of him... plus, once you get past the campy face, he's kinda hot.
"coz if lil tin man's as hard as the rest of him..."
i just reconsidered my choices.
oh... i misunderstood the assignment. and it's already funny in my head, i'm bending the rules, surely you'll not be mad at some rule bending ms fits.
The Breakfast Club:
Murder: Molly Ringwald
I know, i'm as surprised by this one as you are. but like she's so consieted, and plus i don't need the competition, because i'd...
Marry: Judd Nelson
as if there would be anyone else. i need a bad-ass-motherfucker to love and sqeeze and cherrish. i loooove him.
Fight: Emilio Estevez
Respect for the excellent dance scene, however, Toolio Iglesius. Only wants to jump chicks bones when they go all conformy. plus he's clearly gay - what with the whole wrestling thing.
Fuck: Anthony Michael Hall
My year 10 maths teacher always told us that the quiet ones make the best lovers. i loved that class. he does look like he'd have a little weiner, but i reckon he'd work out a way to flex that little pelvis in just the right way.
and because i'm making up my own rules...
Befriend: Alley Sheedy
And i'd make her put on that black eye make up and dump emilio and we'd drink lots of vodka together. paint the town red - yeah sister.
the end
do you guys get the teletubbies??
Good god, you're not going to fuck Tinky Winky, are you?
Though I hear Laa Laa is astoundingly easy after a few frosty beverages...
Off-topic, I must reiterate how impressed I am that you really DO wear heels! Sometimes, these bloggers, they're all talk. I mean, did I suck someone's partner so they didn't have to?*
*Don't answer that.**
** Of course that's a joke. What kind of slutty breasty harlot do you think I am?!
Well... the heels are not a permanent fixture, but more a general leaning. they were tactically replaced by cons at some point in the evening. too drunk to walk far in stilettoes.
Nah - i'd:
Murder Tinky Winky. Never did like purple. if i fought him though, i would never be able to stop hitting him.
Marry Lala. cos dammit she's cute.. but not as fuckable as
Po. *that* shade of red makes me hottttttt.
and Dipsy. i'd fight him for that hat. big blacknwhite top hat. you KNOW it would look better on me.
Hmm this isn't one for the boys really, is it?
Murder: Lion, coz he looks like a fucking pedophile
Marry: I guess bloody Dorothy, at least she'd probably make a good housewife
Fight: Scarecrow, so I could bash the stuffing out of him
Fuck: Tin man, so I could bang him all night long
Whaddaya mean not one for the boys!? Sheesh.
Murder: Tinman. Hairdryer in the bathtub.
Marry: Tough call. Either Lion or Dorothy... I'm not sure who'd make the better sub. Mind you, there's something about Dorothy that just says "long-term subservience" compared to Mr Use-Me-And-Abuse-Me Lion, so it'd be Dorothy for marry and Lion for fuck. Besides which, who doesn't want a sub who can magic themselves home to prepare everything 'just so' for you after a hard night on the tiles? Then she'd apologise for not having my bagel hot enough. No, that was not a double entendre.
Fight: Scarecrow. Beat, not fuck, the stuffing out of him. Plus you'd have a carrot to eat afterwards to help regain your stamina and improve your night vision in time to...
Fuck: Lion, as stated above. Insert obligatory 'pussycat' reference.
And I'd do it all listening to Dark Side of the Moon.
Of course, Scarecrow's nose isn't actually a carrot, now I come to think of it. But I would snack on it regardless.
All I know is I'd murder the scarecrowe... fire is pretty.
Well, As long as we're mixing up the rules. I would.
Murder
Scratch because of the horrible pun he made in response to the question. Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?
"Yes! But it must have happened a long tine ago." May you live a long happy life. It's just a game.
Marry
Well, Ms. Fits of course. Then I'd have 2 hot sugar mommas with, money, a sense of humor and perky breasts. Sign me up for the Mormon two-wife special. We'd have a long platonic engagement first and she could still go on her wild pussy binges.
Fight
Red Betty B because I like a challenge. Maybe that's too much of a challenge. How about Taz.
Fuck
la nadine because it would be spicy and a good cardio workout. As long as we stay in the shallow end of the spa, becuse kranki can't swim. Plus, I hear nadstown is breathtaking this time of year.
M.M.F.F!
Well, I start seven weeks of teaching kindergarten tomorrow so I must get my rest now.
firstly, thankyou for making me laugh. I just watched the final ep of Friends and was in quite a downer (yes tears and all) until I read your post.
Now to answer the million dollar question....
i'd...
Murder - The Scarecrow.
As someone who suffers from allergies, someone like the scarecrow would basically just send me on a lifetime of anti-histamines and frankly, it's not worth it. Burn him i say!
Marry - Dorothy.
As horrid an image as it is, I wondered what I would look for in a life partner and it came down to financial stability, and Dorothy and her family have that nice big farm in Kansas. Once they are knocked off, the property becomes ours, sell it off and woo hoo we're in the money!
Fight - The Lion
As Ms.Fits put it, you;d want a nice easy slug fest and we all know the lion is just a big sissy with a blow wave.
Fuck - The Tin Man
At least I know there wouldn't be a problem with him getting hard!
I would eat the brains out of every god damn one of those flying monkeys I could get my freakin hands on.
I mean - monkey brains are great, but - flying monkey brains are terrific!
so.. errr.. back to this carrot that you're eating. that isn't the scarecrow's nose.
*dirty laugh*
Then I guess I'll have to break it to you about the tomato salad I prepared for you earlier, Betty dear.
Mmm, i knew they had a tang.
MURDER: Scarecrow - He reminds me of George W because of T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men and because he has no brain. God, I'm fuckin' witty. And he should have been played by Buster Keaton (who was under contract to MGM at the time as an uncredited gag writer, so it was totally possible if he wasn't too drunk) so the talentless, long-forgotten fuck who did get the part deserves to die. I also like to exert myself as little as possible when committing a murder, so my preferred weapon is fire. It has the added benefits of a) leaving the minimum amount of evidence, b) being the easiest to make look like an accident, and c) providing a massive spectacle as that brainless slacker runs around like a headless chicken setting fire to the entire cornfield. Yes: I would have killed him as soon as I met him.
MARRY: Dorothy - It's 1939 and World War II is about to start, so it'll soon be boom-time in Kansas, plus Ant Em and Uncle What's-His-Name are really old, so their deaths won't look suspicious. And in later years she'll be able to score the best booze and pills.
FIGHT: The Tinman - He'll make the most entertaining noises, as long as I can get his axe off him and use that.
FUCK: The Cowardly Lion - You don't reckon he'd go off in the sack? He's a lion for fuck's sake!! Okay, he's shy and timid but he's looking to become less inhibited and get his ferociousness unleashed. Sounds good to me. Then we can spoon in the poppy field.
Of the Teletubbies, I'd fuck Po. I could definitely get some happy friction going with that loop on it's head.
Well what an entertaining way to start my afternoon, thank you very much. Though of course now I'm convinced I'm on my way to hell for finding this all too, too funny. MMFF? Never heard of it, I'm sorry to say, but I'll spread the word here among the rednecks first chance I get. Sounds like more fun than shooting things, I think.
Comments are closed.