Nit picking.
Conversation with my mother yesterday:
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Scratching my head.
Her: Why?
Me: It's itchy.
Her: You've probably got nits.
Me: I don't have nits.
Her: You do. You probably caught them from Sime's daughter when she was visiting.
Me: I did not!
Her: Let me have a look.
Me: No way, I'm not letting -
Her: (in best mother voice) Let. Me. Look.
Me: Yes mum.
Her: Kneel down.
Me: What the fuck? Why do I have to -
Her: KNEEL. DOWN.
Me: Yes mum.
Her: (peering at my head) I can't see anything...
Me: That's because I don't have nits.
Her: I might just wash it over the sink to be certain.
Me: There's no way you're washing my hair over the sink.
Her: You don't want to have nits, do you?
Me: I don't have nits!
Her: Just get a towel and bend over the sink.
Me: I AM NEARLY THIRTY, THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE WASHING MY HAIR IN THE SINK.
Her: GET A TOWEL AND BEND OVER*. I WILL BE CLEANSING YOU OF NITS AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
So my grown-up mother reduced me to a ten year-old and washed my hair in the sink with a plastic bucket and brush, pausing only to tsk loudly every time I complained about shampoo in my eyes or that yuck feeling you have when the slippery warm water dribbles down your neck.
End result: I don't have nits.
I never did.
My mum is still the boss of me.
I love you, mum. Happy Mother's Day for yesterday. x
544 days til the next election.
*not the first time these words have been said to me, it must be noted.
Comments
oh, to have been a fly on that wall.
My mum used to squeeze my pimples, my brother and sister wouldn't let her.
If you did have nits, would that have made you a nit-wit?
I DO NOT HAVE NITS.
ms fits has bad nits.
My mum proposed yesterday that she and I go on the Trans-Siberian railway together later this year. Which would be amazing ... but the thought of being on a train with her for 7 days is a bit disconcerting.
Just don't let her wash your hair over the sink, Tt.
O the humanity, etc.
In primary school, I always wanted to wear white socks with my Roman sandals, and my mum didn't let me. With time, I have come to understand her wisdom.
That was brilliant.
I'm 5"7 tall. My brothers are 5"8, 6"1 and 6"3.
My mum is 5"1.
We are all completely terrified of her.
Luckily, she uses her power for good (mostly).
This may be the most boring question ever, but what did you do for your darling nit-picking mother on mother's day? (If that's your bag, you may be into the "it's all a Hallmark conspiracy" style accessory. Who knows. Mum knows. Woo. Woo.)
Damn you Fits, now my head is itching just thinking about it....
It's like yawning, isn't it?
TRY NOT TO THINK OF THE NITS CRAWLING AROUND YOUR HEAD.
ARGHHHH!! CUT. IT. OUT.
ps completely off topic, but has NOBODY won Celeb sweepstakes yet? half the year is nearly gone and nobody has fallen off their perch?
wow ms fits, that's such a cute story.. it *almost* humanised you again.. :)
your mother is right you know.
Right that I have nits? I resent that suggestion.
That came out wrong. I mean it is obvious she loves you, not that you have nits.
What, Fits has nits?
ITCHY.
btw you're lucky Fits, as a child I had to do all the nit work myself, my mum would claim it was 'too housewifey' for her.
That's so cute.
As we age it's nice to have the occasional moment where it's like you're a kid again.
The problem is that nits is just such a stigmatic term – they should call them something else, like head crabs or filth lice.
KNEEL DOWN ... GET A TOWEL AND BEND OVER ...
This is you and your mum, right. Not a Tory MP visiting his mistress?
I'm wondering about the other time you've heard that particular phrase... but, then again, I am a pervert :)
That said, I tower over my MiL, and she can still get me to do her bidding without any effort.
Question:
People can be divided into 2 categories, those who think Bruce Springsteen is one of the sexiest men ever and those that dont. Which do you fit into? If the former whats your favourite album?
harhar. NITWITFITS!!
THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY HEAD ITCH.
lucky my mum is faraway or i'd be at the sink too at the mere mention of them.
you've seen how much hair i have. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE PAIN?
i miss my mum.
The reason you don't have nits is because your mother washed your hair over the sink.
Before that, you had nits.
Best not to argue. Mothers know best.
Heh, heh.
Her: Let me have a look.
Me: No way, I'm not letting -
Her: (in best mother voice) Let. Me. Look.
Me: Yes mum.
This is EXACTLY how my mum and I interact.
nits=lice?
head crabs?
itchy, itchy
bitey, bitey
ooh I've got one up my nightie ...
etc.
never had nits
don't want them
keep your nits to yourself
Did she use special nit shampoo? Because otherwise there's no point to the entire exercise.
On Sunday my mum told me that I have Asperger's Syndrome. She has previously diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Disorder and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
Haha, Gotta love moms, eh?
Oh man. If you have nits, you should use somet of that nit-a-cide shampoo stuff. It's good for nits.
:-P
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