Oui, cèst moi.
There is little more humbling than landing inelegantly in a foreign city and being reduced to a pointing imbecile by sheer lack of language/smarts. I have spent the past four days sidling around the streets of Paris suffering attacks of extreme shyness when asked anything more difficult than 'What do you want to eat, tourist scum?'. Thankfully I've had a dashing gent on hand to save me from too much mortification, but should you ever find yourself in a similarly inane predicament these phrases may assist you as they have me:
1. 'J'aimerais vin blanc, s'il vous plait'
I plan to be able to order white wine in twelve different languages before my next birthday. Once I'm buzzed enough I usually don't give a fig about getting the language right anyways, so it works out pretty well for all concerned.
2. 'Bourrez mon visage avec du pain et le fromage immédiatement'
Do these people do anything else aside from eat dairy products and cake? Christ. It's no wonder I've been having so many weird dreams given the amount of cheese and butter I've ingested since Saturday morning.
3. 'J'ai besoin de degueuler'
As a result of all the cheese and wine, obvs. So stand well clear.
4. 'Bonjour'
This has been the ultimate fallback for me as I am an incredible dumbass. I say 'bonjour' when someone takes my order in a cafe, 'bonjour' when I'm trying to pass them in the street, 'bonjour' when purchasing a ticket for the Metro. I'm like the city's friendliest halfwit intent on meeting people for goodtimes and picnics.
5. 'Pardon!'
I really am sorry. Desperately so. Please accept my most sincere and wretched apologings simply for being in your place of residence pointing at croissants and nodding stupidly until you're kind enough to bring them over.
6. 'N'oublie pas tes menottes, mon coeur'
Literally: 'Don't forget your handcuffs, my darling'.
What? We're in the city of romance. Allow us at least a little wildness.
71 days til the next election.
Comments
Sans fromage de chèvre, pas de paix possible!
thats all im saying
thats all im saying
(quite possibly posting twice. i pressed stop....lets find out)
Good idea to stick to the vin blanc. Last time I was in Paris it took me half an hour to order a glass of rosé. I hadn't yet mastered the impossible French 'r' and they had no idea what I was saying. I ended up yelling 'José!' 'Rrrrrrrosé' and a multitude of other variations before the poor waitress had to go and get someone from the kitchen who spoke English.
They then gave me someone else's lunch (a model being interviewed nearby, naturalment) and I didn't know how to say 'this is not my lunch' in French so I just ate it.
Of course eventually they discovered the mistake (when the model recieved my, probably consisting of more than 6 calories, lunch) and the entire restaurant looked at me in horreur, like I was stealing a national icon's lunch, and I wanted to slide under the table, out of the cafe and straight back on the Eurostar to London.
Jermaine and Bret. Gods amongst men.
bojour
yoplait
Hope you are having a wonderful time in Paris!
If you get a chance - maybe you could post something about this charming little article...
http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/why-do-some-wives-still-change-their-names/2007/09/04/1188783231779.html
I'm getting married soon, and I am taking my husband's name and fail to see why this makes me insecure, conservative or stupid (as the article suggests). GRRRRR....
I agreed with a lot of Ms Deveney's article, although I don't think it applies to everyone who takes their husband's name. I'm always puzzled when a GF of mine takes her husband's name. It just seems ... so odd.
what if you have a 'less than perfect' family and you dont mind the idea of changing the story and making a new happy family legacy
besides what if your surname is say, Minge?
This is a very well read blog and thus, if I say too much, I might be very, very identifiable to in-laws etc. And my reasons are extremely personal.
If you are just genuinely wondering why - ask why a woman wouldn't take her husband's name?
I can think of so many reasons!
- they have built 'a name for themselves' in some area and want to keep that reputation
- they have an objection to changing their name
- they hate their husband's surname
- they love their surname
- they hate their in-laws & that connotation
- they don't see the point
- they can't be bothered with the paperwork
Now try to think of reasons why a woman WOULD....
My main reason (that I can think of) is 'for the children/having the same surname'. But, as the author pointed out, the children don't care - women change it for themselves. And, the man could take HER name if it were so important.
I'm not 100% decided.
You funny, funny woman. Enjoy every minute!
Wishing you well,
EC
Here's to travelling - am currently drinking beer in an internet cafe in Phnom Penh. Now these guys know how to do seedy.
anonymous, that's very beautiful. c'est magnifique!
and though i'm a recently hitched person who retained her own name, i found this article shallow and reactionary. or as you put it, "a rather stupid and offensive diatribe against women who have the temerity to not live their lives in a manner identical to herself" - that sums up most of her stuff, doesn't it?
do we really need an andrew bolt of the left?
Much better to keep using Daddy's surname instead...
Deveny isn't all that bad...
Which is fine.
This type of 'you must think the same way I think' attitude doesn't seem to be too far away from the philosophies of the anti-abortion right to me.
The article got especially dodgy though when she started implying that women who want to have a career and babies simultaneously are bad mothers.
I agree with Ben, it did seem a particularly meandering and poorly thought out rant, and I'm guessing she may just be thinking that she might have wanted to have been just a little more considered about by now (although reasoned and considered doesn't really make for interesting copy, does it).
anon 16.55 : isn't it that so-called "rich history" of marriage that quite clearly links the taking of the man's surname w/ ownership? You might not acknowledge it, or accept it, but don't go on about nicey nicey traditions that clearly signify something else. Deveny 'aint all bad.
Anyway who brought this up? I wanna hear more about Fits in France. I pretty much bonjoured and pardon moi-ed my way round paris as well.felt like a fool but had an unforgettable time. Anymore updates Fits?
"Thanks to feminism, women should be allowed and encouraged to do anything they want." ...unless, of course, it is contrary to Catherine Deveny's view of the world.
Word to the wise, Catherine. You are a shithouse writer as evidenced by this and a slew of other utterly forgettable pieces you've inflicted in the past. Perhaps you should consider working on your writing before appointing yourself to role of patronising social arbiter?
I'm mystified as to who this rant was aimed at anyway since I suspect the majority of Catherine's (female) readers would have a much more well considered view of this topic and be much more at peace with it than she is(n't).
As a man I can't help but chuckle at this sort of thing though. Strident "feminists" turning on women who consciously, freely and happily choose not to concern themselves with the (often trivial, as in this case) feminist cause du jour...
Pete
P.S. Ma petite amie kept her own surname and good on mad props to her!
And just who is ranting, Anonymous et al?
From Big Matt Stud: "The article got especially dodgy though when she started implying that women who want to have a career and babies simultaneously are bad mothers."
She implied that? Oh ye male purveyors of logic, I think ye missed the bit about SUPERMUMs.
Shame on her for expressing an opinion in the Opinion pages of the newspaper.
:)
Oh, and Ms Fits, you must visit a German sauna. They are Germany’s best-kept secret. Germans are crazy about them and build massive places with 10 different saunas (different temperatures, aromas etc), 3 different steam-rooms, Roman baths to lie in if you’re lucky, and dozens of exotic showers, all ohne Kleide as God intended and no water restrictions. Google “Therme” and the city you’re in.
Isn't it all part of the same deal? I mean, honestly, a white dress? Being "given away"?
"Then it goes on to use the word "supermum" to describe her. How can a woman who has handed over her kid to be cared for by someone else while she has pursued her dreams with little or no thought to what the child needs or wants be described as a supermum? A supermum is a woman who has done the weekly shop with four kids under five and not killed any of them. If Jana had won the race with the baby strapped to her back while pushing a shopping trolley, I would have called her a supermum."
I might be misinterpreting, but that bit about "handed over her kid to be cared for by someone else...with little or no thought to what the child needs or wants..." seems pretty judgemental to me. It's hard to understand how this is purveying male logic, it seems a bitchy comment about people who don't stay at home full time with their kids.
Mille pardons, Ms Fits, pour assurer votre blog avec les rants la-dessus Mrs Deveny.
That last sentence should probably be something more like
Mille pardons, Ms Fits, pour occuper votre blog avec les rants la-dessus Mrs Deveny.
I'm not sure anybody is trying to insure this blog.
I think that's a fair comment, although the "little or no thought to what the child needs" is too harsh (and probably not true).
Can you remember what you're writing about? You seem to be repeating yourself.
The personal is political. As women we recognise that our choices (be they social, physical, sexual, reproductive or career choices) will be questioned by friends, family and society in a way mans choices never we be.
We can’t fight every battle, and shaming those who don’t make the same choices may be completely counter productive… still, they are important conversations to be having.
Don't worry, you're not alone; many people have similar comprehension difficulties to yours.
05Sep Ben said: "It's like she suddenly forgot what she was writing about."
giggles
anything more to add?
I would *totally* take his surname.
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2007/09/11/1189276715588.html
I am a little pleased that Deveny found it necessary to use the same phrase in her response.
vindicated!
Comments are closed.