Comin atcha, live for double-shot Tuesdays
so long as there are no pressing afternoon games of golf/liquid lunches to be indulged in please welcome Canberra's answer to Kyle and Jackie O,
Monsieur and Madame Downer.
'The couple began timidly - and their repartee came across rather stilted - but Mr Downer warmed to the task and eventually hit his stride when he began discussing the US presidential race and pet health insurance.'
Well, who wouldn't open up the floodgates of conversational gold when discussing ulcer medicine for Tiddles and accompanying costs? I can't think of anything nicer than listening to Alexander Downer waxing lyrical on premiums for pooches except for perhaps BEING REAMED BY THE CORPSE OF RODNEY DANGERFIELD TO THE SOUNDTRACK OF JOHN FARNHAM'S WHISPERING JACK.
'Mrs Downer copped a curly question from "Diana from Glenelg", who wanted to know how she had managed to keep her marriage "fresh" when her husband was so often away.
"Sometimes it was a bit of a bore. Especially when the children were little," Mrs Downer replied.
"But subsequently the time apart allowed me the opportunity to grow as a person, and do my own thing. (I'm) able to sleep in the bed without his snoring."'
Don't think about the Downer's marital bed. Don't think about the Downer's marital bed. Don't think about the Downer's marital bed.
'When discussing how hearing loss affected relationships, Mrs Downer again sank the boot into her husband, saying he chose not to hear her when she asked him to mow the lawns or put out the rubbish.
"There is a lot of lack of hearing in our house," Mrs Downer said.'
Now that I simply can't imagine at all....
p.s. That's right, I'm threatened because he's encroaching on my turf. So I lash out when caged, so what. Fuck you.
28 comments.
My beloved parents are in town visiting at the moment and we had a very nice weekend seeing movies and drinking cocktails and pretending that the dog could talk and other such highbrow activities thankyou for asking.
Yesterday in a moment of downtime we watched a gripping documentary about the Boxing Day tsunami and the following conversation ensued:
Mum: Did you know there was this little girl holidaying in Thailand who saw the waters recede and instantly said to her mother 'Mum, we have to run, there's a tsunami'?
Me: No.
Mum: She'd just been studying tsunamis in school. So it was this
incredible coincidence.
Me: Did her mum believe her?
Mum: Oh yes, no questions asked. She simply gathered everyone and started running. Not one point did she scoff and dismiss it as nonsense.
Me: Like you would have done if it was me.
Mum: That's right. If it was you I would have told you to stop being stupid and pass me the sunscreen.
Me: ...So what you're saying is that if it was me, we'd all be dead.
Mum: I suppose so, yes.
Me: Nice.
Dad: You probably wouldn't have listened properly in school to absorb the information anyway.
Me: Thanks a
lot.
Mum: Right. You would have been thinking about what you were going to eat next.
Dad: Or which boy you had a crush on.
Me: No, I get it. I've killed us all due to my short attention span and basic shallow nature. Cheers.
Mum: Oh, come on. You know we're simply telling it like it
is.
15 comments.
"Given that you were one the most senior members of government, you were internationally renowned foreign minister and did a fine job, are you disappointed that these days that you have nothing to do? Is that what - ''
"I, I, haven’t got nothing to do! You’d be surprised…”
"Well, what....what have you got to do?”
God bless you,
Crikey.
26 comments.
Not that I don't love an empowered bloodnut, but this is slightly odd...
'A bewildered and amused Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard says a poll naming her as Australia's second most sexiest woman is "very unusual".
Model Jennifer Hawkins - a former Miss Universe - topped the poll of Ralph magazine readers.'
Hawkins? Wtf? When was the last time she released an workplace relations policy worth listening to? Honestly. Voters of Ralph, get your fucking priorities in order. Unless that bitchin' bod in a bikini can roll out come-on lines like 'The prevailing mood of insecurity is an understandable community response to the swirling winds of change which threaten to blow us to unknowable destinations', then you best just be tucking that erection away for the time being.
Coming soon - your February Julie Bishop centerfold! 'Capacities for lifelong learning will be absolutely vital for a dynamic, quality and spirited civilisation and culture,' purrs the half-dressed minx in an exclusively erotic interview!!!
p.s. Is Gillard totally channelling the spirit of Jodie Foster in that photo? Just asking.
48 comments.
Polichicks 'Vote Liberal? My Arse' knickers, circa 2004:
Designer Vivienne Westwood's
Anti-Guantanamo jockettes, London Fashion Week 2008:
I don't want to say anything contentious. But let's be honest, she's ripped us off.
The woman who brought punk fashion to the mainstream is copying our ideas. I think we've finally 'made it'.
41 comments.
“I
appreciate the apology I have received from them, I haven’t had Mr Rudd apologise to me but others will make their judgement about that.”
Jesus christ. Who the fuck is advising this man? Who on earth tapped him on the shoulder yesterday and said: 'Look, about those two staffers...now seems like a good time to demand an apology from K07 SINCE HE'S HANDING THEM OUT LIKE CANDY AND WILL PROBABLY SAY SORRY TO ANYTHING THAT MOVES. What do you mean, 'Won't it make me look slightly petty in the face of a rather historically significant movement forward for the nation?'. NO WAI YOU ROCK.'?
I think someone might need to take a wee look into the private lives of his own staffers before throwing massive sulkies about others'. Just a friendly thought.
50 comments.
*ring ring*Lady: Chris Pearce's office.
Me: Hello. I was wondering if I could leave a message for Mr. Pearce?
Lady: Of course. What would you like to say?
Me: Can you tell him that I found his
behaviour in Parliament yesterday utterly appalling?
Lady: .......
Me: Sitting and
reading a magazine through what was an entirely historical moment is some of the most small-minded, self-serving, and repugnant behaviour I have ever witnessed. He should be ashamed of himself.
Lady: Mr. Pearce supported the motion....
Me: And yet was apparently unable to put his own agenda aside for half an hour to show some
common decency by simply listening. Or
pretending to listen. Unbelievable.
Lady: (
through lips of string) Thank you, I'll pass your comments on.
Me: See that you do.
********************************************
73 comments.
