Part whatever in the 'I'll never blog about spam' series.
Okay, so I don't usually blog about spam and stuff. And I swear my first reaction when I got this email was to bin it. But something about it caught my eye. Was it the whimsical and Confucius-esque musings on growth and relationships that appeared randomly between promises of teenage pussy? Maybe I was just lonely.
'From:Edgardo
To: <***********>
Subject: sabbaticals Eighteen girls premeditations hardcore
So there were the usual suspects. An improbable Tex-Mex-type name with a subject that sounded like someone with Tourette's having a conversation with Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. But it was really the first sentence that grabbed me:
'Don't be like that...:)'
Were Edgardo and I fighting? Had I hung up on his last email in a fit of shrill hysterical pique? What should I not be like? Me? Why had he used a fucking sideways smiley-face that I am allergic to?
Either way, it's kind of a conciliatory tone to start spam with. I'm softening.
'Do you want loose sweet virgin girls ?'
Woah. Do I? Now we're getting to the crux of the matter. Perhaps I am being offered the loose sweet virgin girls as a conciliatory gesture after our vicious argument. Sure beats a Body Shop voucher, anyways.
'It seems essential, in relationships and all tasks, that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.'
...................
Um...yes. Yes, I suppose it does. But WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH LOOSE SWEET VIRGIN GIRLS I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.
'Every week we update site content with fresh faces never unique been seen before. http://www.geocities.com/kristopher_tomlinson_62/ .'
Phew! Back to safe territory.
'I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.'
Wtf? Why, Edgardo? Why would you tell me this? Are you having a quiet introspective moment in the midst of hocking internet porn? Do you want to talk about it? I'm totally here.
Check out how the email ends:
'Do not pass ! Valid only face for few days here
a man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.'
I am utterly flummoxed. I am also turned on and thought-provoked at the same time. How can one email make you want to masturbate but also impress upon you the insignificance of mankind as we know it?
922 days til the next election.
Comments
It makes no sense to me. Could this be a new dialect called Engrican ?
You say that you're allergic to sideways smiley faces but also that you do want pussy. You always want what's bad for you, don't you Fitsy?
Or have I misunderstood?
We fought last email
Hot virgin girl seeks meaning
Trifling human-kind
Recondite Tex-Mexican
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
It's horrible to contemplate, I know. But Edgardo is not the sensitive, caring, philosophical porn-spammer you think he is. He's a cold, cynical prick who injects randomly generated snippets of innocuous, conversational english into emails to fool spam filters which operate based on the keyword content.
Bastard.
Isn't it hilarious how the names that spammers pick totally give away that it IS spam?
Fits ,you have done well. Edgardo has been exposed! Caught in the park with his filthy picks and offers of virgins.
This anonymous is upset that another anonymous does not understand irony. Just a virgin at this blogging and trying not to get excited.
http://sc.tri-bit.com/Irony
Hah. Oh, that was excellent. I'm only slightly sorry that unlike your last spammer , he didn't sign off with the immmortal catchphrase, 'I'm the wolverine.'
Anyone who notices that I'm posting this comment at 11.30 on a Saturday night, and wonders if I'm a freak sitting blogging in my pyjamas having spent the evening watching 'Pirates of the Carribean' with two toddlers and my father has got completely the wrong idea about me, by the way.
Completely off-topic here, but since I can't get an email address to work for you, this'll have to do.
Just wanted to let you know that you have been referenced as a muse at this site: http://bonusroundblog.blogspot.com/
I sent a few of my buddies a link to your fucking funny John Brumby post, and it seems it was the inspiration for this witty little number.
Cheers!
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