Reasons you will hate me

i'd say all three are similar in that the holder of the knowledge was remiss in imparting said knowledge to other involved peoples, in a timely fashion.

now "timely" can vary. what is too soon for me might be ages for you.

sometimes it can become farcical, eg the first scenario. but i guess all that was was her being coy? not sure how it would be taken? but my argument would be, well if she's married this person, wouldn't she also be comfortable in being publicly lesbian?

scenario two is the doozy. but i bet if there was any thinking going on, it was -

him: if i tell her i'll lose out on a root.

and also him talking about a missing leg is pretty heavy. not likely to sit well within drunken frivolity.

actually, come to think of it. was he missing a leg? was it "decor". i think i'd like to hear the end of that story, the conversation that ensued etc. or did she just do the slink (out the door)

scenario three: no you can't say anything until it's announced or the baby just appears. you just can't, otherwise you risk major embarrassment for everyone concerned, which you have already noted. but what kind of weird friend leaves it that long?

Part One:

None of your business but if you are a sticky nose like me and want to know EVERYTHING then these details are important otherwise you walk away wondering for the ensuing months 'was it a he or a she?'. It could drive you mad. You just want to know.

As for her telling you earlier, no need to tell you but for your sake you want to know.


Part Two
1. Pretty drunk - you could say they were both legless in their own way.
2. No.
3. No.
4. When one jokingly mentions how legless they both got.
5. Never too late but how easily mentionable it is - I don't know. You could start with 'Do you want me to get your leg or are you fine to get it yourself?'

Part 3

I would have asked straight out. I have no shame asking a female who is a belly rubber and a complainer of tiredeness whilst wearing ugg boots if she's up the duff.
And yes, I would ask "remember that time when you rubbed your tum and pleaded tiredness etc etc. Were you preggers then?
Can't hurt.

I RECKON:

1. Gabi should have just mentioned it the first time the specific pronoun would have been used in normal conversation. It's the deliberately evasively using the neutral pronoun that's a bit dodgy. Although maybe she wanted to discuss the partner without the lesbiotics/lifestyle choices discussion coming first.

2. If she doesn't notice it, no responsibility on the part of the boy to mention it. It's a fecking leg. If it didn't bother her when he took off his clothes, I don't see why it should suddenly bother her now.

3. It's rude and awkward to have a pregnant bulge and taunt your friends with the mystery of it - at least after the ultrasound. (Before that there are too many things to go wrong, so it makes sense to pretend you've just eaten a very filling curry.)

But you're the Friday Q&A person.

Part One:
I hate this one, I don't care what the answer is, but I hate reconstructing all my sentences so they are gender neutral. It hurts my brain and usually means I accidentally say "it" at some stage. Same thing happens with new babies. BOY OR FUCKING GIRL? THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!

I think you can assume that if she is married, and still says 'partner' that it is her 'wife'.
Hey, is there any chance she thought you and your best friend were actually 'partners', and she just assumed, you were all batting for the same team?

Part Two:
Less responsibility, and more it would just make it a bit less weird, right. Either he tells her, or she finds out and risks freaking out.

Part Three:
If she's at the pub, ask her if she wants a drink!

If you are talking to your very best friend in the world, you should use a gender specific pronoun in such discussions. I do, however, have a sympathy for the nervous tic using the word 'partner' that a girl (for example, me) develops if one's 'partner' is a girl. Sometimes, who can be bothered with the lesbianic excitement the word 'girlfriend' causes when uttered by a person with bosoms. But this is different.

Re. the leg. Perhaps he said,' by the way, I'm legless,' and she just saw it as a statement of the obvious, becasue of said drunkeness.

On the pregnancy thing? Yes, drives me nuts. It's the whole 12 week rule. Usually, I (and everyone else) has figured it out weeks ago (friend is fat and eting the fridge etc) but has to pretend surprise when the announcement comes. Stupid.

fits, we've been friends for well over a year now, and i think its time to tell you that i am pregant and my partner has only one leg.

phew, that feels so much better.

I always say "partner" because "boyfriend" sounds so high school.

I had no idea that people might be imagining that I was having some sort of mysterious, exciting, lesbian affair/marriage.

Cool! I'm going to say it even more, now.

Of course, my "partner" is now "that cunt who needs to be stabbed in the nuts with a compass" which is kind of gender-revealing.

Scenario 1: Who cares? Honestly, if we are honest about wanting gay folks to be truly accepted and truly appreciated, we can't afford to care about sexual orientation any more than we care about hair colour. But I do reckon that anyone who continually uses the word 'partner' for husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, occasional root, or whatever, needs to have a really good bloody look at themselves and deserves to be asked, "Oh, is this your BUSINESS partner or do you FUCK?"

Scenario 2: See the above, replace 'gay' with 'disabled'. But I guess he was worried about finding true love or scoring a sympathy root. Mind you, I am endlessly impressed that someone could shag another someone with a whole fucking false leg and NOT NOTICE! What had they been drinking is of far more importance!

Scenario 3: See points 1 & 2 above, replace 'gay' and 'disabled' with 'pregnant'. I loved being pregnant, I love being a mother. But if I thought that I'd be treated fairly, openly and honestly in any of these roles, I was wrong.

:) x

Part A
A little mystery does wonders for a conversation. Admit it! Weren't you just mentally tingling during the whole conversation trying to elicit the all important pronoun, whilst simultaneously trying to avoid making the faux pas of a gender assumption. Wasn't it like a chess game with no board but many unidentifiable pieces and undetermined rules that shifted with each nuanced glance and gesture exchanged between the three of you? You loved it. If you hadn't seen the wedding pictures you would be back there again tonight.

Part B
It should have been a dead give-away when he said "I'll just hop on top, shall I?"

PartC
If she wants you to know or discuss it or whatever, she'll tell you. Otherwise, shut-up about it. Seriously.

"Who cares? Honestly, if we are honest about wanting gay folks to be truly accepted and truly appreciated, we can't afford to care about sexual orientation any more than we care about hair colour. "

What a brilliantly humourless response. There is a difference between wanting to know and caring which way or the other.
Wouldn't you be curious what colour someones hair was if they always wore a scarf.
You wouldn't care what colour it was (oh my, not red, that cow!), but you'd still want to know (hmm, wonder if its purple or something).

1. i do believe we share the same favourite restaurant

2. see adam hills' piece here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/columnists/adam/040705_index.shtml

3. see season 2 of the L-Word where tina gets around in a poncho and manages to avoid having her recent ex bette discover she is pregnant.

Part One:

Ask.

Part Two:

Aks. (geez, I'm too funny)

Part Three:

Ask.


Coy = irritating.

I have a stellar reputation for rudeness, but.

I think 1 and 3 have been addressed pretty well, but I've got some thoughts on #2. No personal experiences to relate, sorry.

I don't think you should be expected to fess up until your clothes are coming off. At that stage I think you should mention and point out any extreme physical anomolies.

I don't think this should offend anyone but here goes:

I think it's a perfectly natural human instinct to feel initially uncomfortable at seeing a human body with something wrong with it - severe scarring; missing limbs or breasts; deformed facial features, etc. At a basic instinctive level, beyond culture, we expect another human body to be complete and to look a certain way. What happens after that initial instinctive response - running away screaming/stoning them/reporting them to the Witchfinder General/accepting it because it doesn't make them a different person - is cultural and learnt and we've got no-one to blame but ourselves.

But I think it's only polite for a stumpy to spare a partner at least some of that initial instinctive discomfort, at the very moment that they're about to see the place where your leg used to be. Everything before and after that moment is their own responsibility.

This applies if you think they're going to notice anyway. If you're sure they're not - go ahead and don't mention it.

If they then run away screaming, stone you or report you to the Witchfinder General it's gonna hurt, but they were a cunt anyway, so no real loss.

That was a bit of a ramble, wasn't it?

Hi 'Ms Fits'.

I reckon these days everyone's far too worried about responsibility in general. Me and my mates have been reading about this great thing called "The Zero Movement" and now realise that what we really need is zero responsibility.

We've been inspired to put together a bit of a site about it, so if you want to read more then head over to thezeromovementrocks.blogspot.com.

Cheers,
Dave

Part 3.

I met a woman at a barbecue and learned that she was pregnant. I said to her after gauging her belly with my calibrated eyeballs:

"4 months?"

"Oh, that's just indigestion. 8 weeks only." She replied.

"..."

PART ONE: I too am confused by the term "my partner". Mr Clemmy B used the term A LOT on our first dates, as well as various other could-be-misinterpreted terms and, well, I thought he was a friend of Dorothy.

PART TWO: I don't think it needs to be mentioned. Have you seen the beautiful girl who works at Readings on Ackland Street? She is beautiful. The End.

PART THREE: On my lunch break a while back, I dropped in to my favourite chicken shop to get the usual. One of the shop-ladies greeted me and took my order, which was “a chips and a small Caesar salad, thanks – don’t worry about putting any extra eggs in the salad, though.” Merrily, she exclaimed, “Are you having a baby?”

I was confused; had I set off this enquiry by asking for no eggs? Maybe egg – like some fish and raw meats – is not advised as pre-natal fare? I replied, “Er, one day, maybe!” and she hurriedly justified her outburst by complimenting me on my “great pot”.

:|

Buck Fudd - how does one engage the services of the Witchfinder General? Do they have a web site? Are they government funded? If not, why not?

Hey, Dave Zero, can you spread some of your corporate spam at my site too?

I hate the "partner" term in social situations, its especially bad when you (female) have a (male) partner who has what is traditionally a girl's name. And despite (male) partner constantly telling me he wished I was just a little bit of a lesbian, I'm just not. *sigh*

PS Pregnancy is never an excuse to wear ugg-boots in public

Hey Dave Zero your plot IS.backfiring.

Have arrived via some sort of Zero blog spamming discussion thing. My three bits. This is just the kind of we-are-much-too-'polite' to state the bleeding obvious thing that really gets up my nose. Its makes our society continue to be the kind hypocritical sham that it is. First scenario does sound like game playing on the part of the Phuong's partner so play along, that what's expected. Why spoil an obvious ruse? But I'd suggest go a step further and play it better than she. The second. Well, girlfriend must really have been very drunk, and if she was too stupid to notice that he walked somewhat unusually or had one barely worn down shoe or even when he removed his 'leg' and other clothing. she still failed to 'notice' either she sufers from faux politeness too and is simply truly stupid and possibly both. and if this is the case, why should he have to point it out to her? "Oh, by the way, did you notice that I only have one leg?" Third. Pregnant friend. Please please, why is it so impolite to ask the bleeding obvious? Why is the world so full of 'oh no! We couldn't possibly do that' idiots?' Especially when someone is pointing out the symptoms-she wants you to notice! My advice, go where angels fear to tread and call a fucking spade a shovel. (FFs) Or get yourself an etiquette book and become a moronic fool like the rest.

My concern with #2 is what if the leg had come off DURING the rumpy pumpy?

Poor girl would have had a heart attack and/or get booted in the snout as a bonus.

In the first case, if she didn't have number two short hair and a boiler suit, I would have been lost, too. The question I have to ask is, if there isn't anything wrong with that, as I learned from Seinfeld and general permissiveness in my nature, what is her problem? If she wanted to be friends with you, shouldn't it come out pretty early on that she is up for a bit of XXXX action? She comes across as insecure, instead of just saying in no uncertain terms, "Phuong is my bitch, she works in the kitchen".

The second one I shall defer to that fantastic socially aware film, Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo for guidance. The first thing not to do, is freak out. Though, a detachable leg has it's uses, as shown in the hilarious finale to the modern day classic. I may, however be tempted to use a line something like "Geez, mate, I knew you wanted to get your leg over, but I didn't know it would be LEFT OVER".

Third problem: carry, at all times, a clearly marked box of RU486 and offer it cheerfully to potential parasite carriers. They will clear it up pretty quick, I am guessing.

I hate when people talk about their "partner" when the partner is of the other sex. It's usually because they think that calling them their boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't express how it's a life-long relationship. But in that case why don't they just get married.

You not only get problems about whether they're a guy or a girl but also as to whether they're talking about a business partner or not.

Was the hot boy in part two Adam Hills? o.o

Hate to rain on your parade, link, but a spade is not under any circumstances to be confused with a shovel, let alone called one.

Just to clarify, a spade is a flat bladed tool, predominantly used for digging holes, or expanding their girth by cutting away at their outer edges. A shovel is a scoop shaped tool, most useful for moving dry loose material from one place to another.

Please put an end to this gross misuse of the language as soon as possible, or I may insist on calling you "Doug" after embedding a spade in the back of your head.

Um, depending on the circumstance, I call the woman I'm married to "my partner" or "my lover". Neither identify her gender or our legal status. Is this wrong?

Part two: didn't she hear the clunk when he threw a leg over?

I mention my leg casually when a guy might not know about it and it's not obvious. My leg doesn't have a cover and looks like a high tech robot leg.

Once I was wearing a knee length dress at an outdoor evening event and had a nice time with a guy who spent about an hour with me. I didn't say anything because it would be impossible to ignore. But I guess between the darkness, the crowd, the drinks, and the fact that there was nowhere to sit he didn't catch on.

The next time he saw me I could tell that he was freeking out about it. He just stared and pretended not to be shocked. He got over it quickly and we went out a couple times.

But it pisses me off that guys can get so squeemish about it. I mean the hardware is very cool which is a guy thing, and my residual limb is kind of nice looking without much of a scar. Why should I have to tell? I just do.

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