Pet hates, the automobile series.
I'm not going to bang on about my holiday in Byron all week (did I mention I was there? In Byron? Try the veal, etc) but I just need to unleash about something that in my mind is a menace to the otherwise relaxed streets of the North Coast and it's Wicked Vans and you can't convince me that these things are in any way good or proper no matter how much gin you order me.
If you're yet to be introduced to the wild and magical world of Wicked Campers
According to the website:
'What Wicked Campers does is sort you out with Australian cheap rental camper vans for about the same price as hiring a car. Each van comes with a unique paintjob as well as accommodation and a kitchen built in.
You won't waste your money on the frilly bits so you'll be able to afford all those great activities and have all those wicked adventures in Australia you've always dreamed of.'
You'll also share the uniqueness of passerby poking each other in the ribs and whispering: 'Look, there goes a massive cockhead who in all probability digitally penetrates hitchhikers'. Lucky thing.
Look, I don't know what a 'Chubby's Stiffie' is as opposed to a normal erect penis but I'm pretty sure if I were creator of such a thing I wouldn't bang on about it. Particularly not on the back window of my car.
Isn't Chubby's Stiffie some kind of tautology, anyway? Discuss.
Deep.
Makes you think, right? ABOUT SEMEN.
I'm a fan of the Rolling Stones, but the last thing I would want is to burn around the beaches with a painting of them looking like Cabbage Patch Kids on crack. What the hell is going on with Keith's mouth? Is he supposed to be some kind of lion man?
The lesser known 'if a tree falls in the woods' philosophical puzzler. Stoners have been known to gather around this car en masse, nodding their heads and staring thoughtfully into space. This is how great thinkers are born, people. Great thinkers and victims of anal rape.
What does this even fucking mean? Like ladies see an erection and just open up 'shop'? Maybe I'm missing something. I hope I'm missing something. Otherwise I'm going to kill myself and take others with me.
OMG I AM TOTALLY GETTING INTO THIS CAR AND SQUEEZING BETWEEN TWO ADORABLE SURFER TYPES WHO APPRECIATE MY VAGINA LOLOLOLOL111!!!1!
The words 'enough said' seem to suffice at this point. Thanks for listening.
Comments
"Ach, Hans, all day I drive zis van with ze vord 'pussy' on it I am ze funniest man alive George Burns give me your cigar. Give it to me. Ahem."
Although, occasionally, a thousand monkeys with a thousand spraycans can create Shakespeare:
Not a moment too soon.
Can you please find a photo of the guy who comes up with those perky one-liners?
I simply don't belive the claim.
Bit of a worry that I remember it word for word though.
I couldn't find the photograph of the van that stated: 'I can stand the smell if you can stand the pain' but I still stop to think about it from time to time.
And I think you confused Ronnie and Keith.
I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM, THAT'S THE POINT.
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die"
The wicked vans have marketed their business well, they seem to be multiplying like rabbits.I’d prefer to see them lined up for a monster truck
What i dont understand is why people ould actually choose to drive one of them?
You see them, you shake your head in shame, and move on.
www.wickedcampers.com
Ms fits, a modest but nonetheless appeasing stipend is on its way.
'alziemers isn't so bad. you get to meet new people everyday'
and the oh so clever
' i take drugs to make things seem normal' complete with middle aged matching clothed couple.
A Wicked Proposal
We picked up our Flintstones van in Melbourne and headed south along the Great Ocean Rd. We quickly discovered that having a Wicked Camper is a bit like being a celebrity as people (Particularly the Japanese) would stop, stare and take photos of us and the van. We spent a wonderful first night camping by a beach with no-one else apart from Andy, me, the stars and a stack of VB! Could life possibly get anymore wonderful? Yes it could!
The second night we had reached the 12 apostles and had decided to watch the sunset at this magnificent spectacle. We took a picnic basket + bottle of finest Australian sparkling wine and set up camp with a glorious sunset beginning. After stuffing ourselves full of oysters and prawns we began to feel like a couple of chubby campers who'd escaped from fat camp! It was at this point that Andy got down on one knee and asked if I would like to be the future Mrs Linham. I could not picture a more perfect setting for us to get engaged (I did say yes by the way). After much embracing and kissing, and very little sunset watching, we headed back to our Wicked vans to spend our first night as the future Mr and Mrs Linham. The rest of the trip has been a bit of a blur, but who cares as we are so happy and are already planning the honeymoon.. Maybe a Wicked Camper Tour in NZ!
you know vans tend to disappear (at an alarming rate) over the side of some of those mountainous roads in the south island.
just sayin'
i reckon that's bill wyman with the skull on his back
More likely to be Bill driving, Anon.
I saw my first one of these just ten minutes ago in the Melbourne CBD. I think they're brilliant but nothing that couldn't be made even better with a roller and a lot of pavement paint.
I suspect they ran out of funny material after they did their first 50.... ok, maybe first 10 vans, and have been as surprised as anyone by their popularity.
And yeah i first noticed these vans a while ago...and at first they were largely innocent. But a few this time had us scratching our heads and thinking "wtf?!?!"
Thankfully I haven't ever seen one in my little home state. I don't think the majority of tourists that come here would be the sorts to think it'd be awesome to drive around in a van that has "MASSIVE COCK" or something similar emblazoned on the side.
But if i did i'd probably shake my tiny fists at them and hope they drive off the wharf.
I suspect a larger number of backpackers from non English speaking countries don't pick up on many of the double entendres and are pondering how Australians can clean their cats with fruit.
And I'm glad you didn't black out the number.
Apparently there is a 4 month wait on the Massive Cock van. Yesterday, said the voice down the phone, it hadn't moved in 5 weeks.
i'm going to hire 17 of these vans and park them strategically around tripple j towers.
I haven't seen enough to realise that they were so explicit!
I spent the entire weekend trying to hide in the back to avoid being seen with it (especially whilst stuck in traffic on the M1). Ours said "To the police, stop following me, pull me over or piss off." You have no choice in which van you get - I'm just thankful that ours was the more tame "Rage Against the Machine" logo on the other side, rather than the Playboy girls themed van.
It was also rather amusing trying to hide the vile thing from my mate's Granny whilst staying in the Mr Darcy style countryside in Devon. I was mortified and felt like such an uncivilised colonial.
without appearing to be a pretenious waste of space, it's mick with the lips, not keith."
She was commenting on Keith's lips, not Mick's. His mouth is distinctively feline in the picture.
"The real reason the dinosaurs died out: too many fags"
Nice.
Makes my 1971 Kombie look more like a rolls royce in comparison.
They're a bit of colour on the roads and if you're driving one I bet it makes you feel extra 'on holidays'.
Plus if you check out their specs they're really good value for a decked out hire car/van.
each unto their own :o)
I have to talk to the kind of people who would rent these vehicles every day. I usually imagine what it would be like if they just dropped dead when giving the moronic, dickwad answers they give.
Sadly, I'm not shocked by the slogans, though, I hear similar sentiments all the time. Clearly blokes alter their language in the presence of ladies.
oh and i think the chubbys thing is a dig at one of their competitors, i cant remember who though
It's simply looking on the lighter side of life which is needed now in todays politically incorrect world.
Of course some of them are a bit harsh, but considering there is nearly a 1000 of them on the road you'd expect a few to be a bit 'wicked'.
It's does justice for budget travellers (esp. couple travellers) as it creates a talking point and an object of dis/interest...either way it grabs your attention.
Anyhow it's a "wickedly" wonderful idea with or without the slogans.
Lern to spel you dumbfuck
"there way"
"band"
Who teaches them????
I don't know how long it will remain 'almost'.
It said "Virgins Wanted". Although I don't think the rather proper-looking mother and young 10 year old daughter driving the van were really on the hunt for virgins!
First of all, "Virgins Wanted" or the delightfully blasphemous/sexist (and if nothing else, revolting) "If God were a woman would sperm taste like chocolate" aren't in any way funny. Even if the intent was light-hearted, the result and underlying attitudes are indicative of the kinds of people who make this stuff. It's like we're expected to just sit back and chuckle at crap like that. Supposedly, a hefty dose of racism, sexism and one-dimensional humour is good for you provided you can laugh at it.
Those kinds of millimeter-deep, "lighten up" responses no doubt come from years of defending the friends of theirs that get their giggles from this kind of thing.
What's with this whole "we're too politically correct" thing too? Judging by these kinds of jokes (ones you hear almost everyday), we're far from it. If you want to "lighten up", go laugh at something funny, not something that's funny simply because it's considered "a joke".
By the way, while you are studiously not looking at the vans, how bout you stop listening to music, watching tv, seeing movies, going to plays art exhibitions or having thoughts of your own.
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