Reasons You Will Hate Me

26 comments

Pretty Pretties.

'Lollipop-fusion and sherbet-bomb sweet' designer Alannah Hill has smarts, you guys. She is not only incredibly talented with frippery and lace, she also knows how to run the fucking country. I swear it to be true. With progressive ideas about the future of Melbourne, can you guess which choice quotes are Nannah Hill's and which are products of my furtively cruel imagination?

On trams:

a) 'Trams stink! Paint them pink!'

b) 'Everyone seems to think they are dinky-di but they are just rinkydink!'

c) 'Don't be a fink! Make trams your kink!'

d) 'Darling, who rides trams when you're wearing mink!'

On housing commission flats:

a) 'I would like to see all the housing commission high rises gussied up. They are ghastly!'

b) 'I can't bear the thought of all the poor people inside! Crammed like badly-dressed sardines!'

c) 'I wish I could just squeeze my eyes shut and make the horrid things go away! Wishy wishy wish!'

d) 'I'd rather turn them into magical discotheques so the junkies could dance!'

Her ideas for housing commissions:

a)'Paint them gold and cover them in fairy glitter. They would look like sparkle motion rockets!'

b) 'Wash them with strawberry bubbles. They would make Collingwood scratch 'n' sniff shortcake-scented!'

c) 'Drape them Christo-esque in huge floating fabrics that cover the entire building. They would look like giant coloured Casper the Ghosts!'

d) 'Invite the residents to splash about with watercolours on their personal piece of wall. They would look like primal excitements!'

On new ideas for Melbourne:

a) 'Rose petals sitting in huge vases of pink water!'

b) 'All the trees covered in pretty fairy lights that flash boldly and brightly!'

c) 'Giant tubs of Smarties placed every five metres!'

d) 'A photograph of my friend Geraldine and I on all the stop signs!'

Is she not adorable as pie and in no way a gobby trout?

667 days til the next election.

26 comments.

Comments

11Jan13:09

Jeremy said...

B, A, D, B.

(I am working on the assumption that you could never bring yourself to use the expression "primal excitements" unless she'd actually said it.)

11Jan13:20

elly m c said...

The first time I saw a picture of La Hill I thought she was a drag queen, am I alone here?

11Jan13:28

Martie said...

B
A
C
And Question 4 - ALL OF THE ABOVE.

11Jan13:42

Cath said...

mmm Smarties....

11Jan13:49

Retail Junkie said...

elly m c, the first time I saw her on the street I was thinking "Oh dear he's gone a little too far with that."

11Jan14:12

ms fits said...

She's a lady?

11Jan14:24

Anonymous said...

I remember her ex when I was at uni and my mate thought he looked like Johnny Depp. 12 years later I saw him at Cherry on the dancefloor, completely totalled with some blonde chick but trying to pash other girls. They looked like girls from the angle I was standing.

I believe he and Alannah reproduced but as she may or may not be a man I don't know whose womb she ripped out to have the bubs.

11Jan14:26

mik said...

is she wearing a bullet proof vest to protect her boobies? or is that just me...

11Jan14:35

sublime-ation said...

What about the quote about giving birth and looking "presentable" during the entire hospital stay: "the nurses never saw me without lipstick!". Perhaps that was so they would know she was a mother, not a sperm dad?

11Jan15:15

Zoe said...

Where was the lipstick? 'cos those nursies have to look EVERYwhere.

11Jan16:33

Paul said...

I hear ya. Hill's the one of the biggest nutbars going around.

I suggest coming up with some sort of way of getting Allahnah Hill and Tori Amos in a barbed wire cage, to somehow see who's the biggest raving fucking froot loop.

Surely there's some sort of Biggest Raving Fucking Froot Loop Cup they could be competing for.

11Jan16:38

Fop said...

RIGHT.

STEP OFF, CUNTS! I fucking LOVE Alannah Hill and all the tremendous excess for which she stands. Australia has no other public figure whose commitment to 24-7 glamour at any cost is matched only by her ability to create outlandish soundbites on cue (Killeen, G comes a close second). Perhaps think of her as a groundbreaking genderfuck performer if you find it easier.

I LOVE that she gave birth in full makeup. She is a deity.

11Jan16:53

Anonymous said...

she is so lame that hating her is a waste of the resources involved in hating. i heard a slandorous story about AH, a baby carraige and cocaine once... and something else about her husband's sexual identity... party gossip fashion hags said it all so it must be true/rumour.

11Jan16:53

sublime-ation said...

Paul: how can you compare Tori to that....that....thing?
Good call on the Killeen though, fop.

11Jan17:30

MelbourneGirl said...

once in a cafe in st kilda my small princess and her little boy (who was dressed like a girly nancy-boy) had a little chat and mommy dearest made a joke about them getting married when they grew up.

any time after that when i saw her around, i would cross the street.

11Jan17:41

Jess said...

Nothing thrills me more than when Fop begins busting virtual caps in asses in defence of his favourite ladies.

11Jan18:03

ms fits said...

HAHA, MELBOURNE GIRL AND ALANNAH HILL ARE TO BE RELATED IN FREAKY MARRIAGE!

Fop - the woman loves Jeff Kennett. Let her go.

11Jan18:10

Anonymous said...

That's not makeup, it's Dulux Exterior Gloss.

11Jan20:58

Adam 2.0 said...

Everyone should feel more comfortable knowing that there's a vigilante group of tram enthusiasts that may or may not be lead by someone with the initials AN who have made it their mission to stand out the front of her house on 24-hour guard ready to dribble on her if she dares set foot in her street.

We've also chosen to take several dumps into several paper bags and set them alight in proximity to her house after ringing the doorbell and running off like girls. Nothing succeeds like excress.

*spits*

11Jan23:14

Dr Zorn said...

I've always fantasized about AH as my alcoholic 'mature' next door neighbour, and how she would invite me over for drinks and the strap would keep slipping off her shoulder and her make-up would be kind of smeared and her 'just-been-fucked' hair all out of place and she would make innuendo with words like 'sandwich' and 'rack' and she would trip and spill her scotch on my chest...

12Jan09:27

MelbourneGirl said...

dr zorn, nice fantasy. i love everything about it, except the object. of the fantasy. i thought the point of a fantasy was it could be about anyone you liked?

12Jan16:55

Anonymous said...

So which are the right answers?

12Jan18:34

Clem said...

I won't hear a word against her (apart from about the time she used rabbit fur, boo). I used to think she was a nob until I dated her ex. Three months with that scum-sucking assbag made me mental enough, imagine what ELEVEN YEARS would do. If my partner finally said he wanted to have a baby with me, then cheated on me the whole time through the pregnancy and walked out two days after the birth, I'D go batshit crazy, too.

12Jan22:17

Buck Fudd said...

B
A
C (She names a famous artist so we'll know she's one too! = clever)
B

**

"...She then began a stint as an apprentice hairdresser and found herself in Chapel Street right at the time when the punk scene was prevalent."

So....she's admitting she missed it then?

**

Even if she's a guy she deserves her own axe wound - In the face! Hahahahaha!

*checks expiry date on meds*

12Jan23:02

Anonymous said...

13Jan21:13

Anonymous said...

Comments are closed.

Feel free to spread the word

Search

Recently

Events

Links

Reasons you will hate me

Pretty Pretties.

Comments