Pssst...hey you....wanna be the leader of the Labor party?
Let's just all calm down and take a fucking look at this little situation we have okay?
Who exactly are the contenders for top dog?
I wanted to use this 1983 picture of Beazles Cheezles to rock the Miami-Vice-meets-Young-Doctors demographic.
Do I think he's the right man for the job? He's certainly a good man. He's smart and interesting and God adores him. But, you know, he really screwed things up with Tampa and stuff. And the mealy grin he's been sporting since L-Ron hit the dirt makes me want to fire a fist into his doughy belly. Yesterday's hero? Probably.
VERDICT: NO!
Okay, so he looks like Harry Potter. Or the guy you went to school with who used to pick at his eczema and eat it when he thought no-one was looking And while I certainly do certainly admire his soundbites, he's hardly an Aussie Everyman (TM). Do Australians want to vote for someone who may or may not still wet the bed?
VERDICT: NO!
Oh, you. I'm not running for head of the Labor party, silly thing! At the very least, all that nude photography work would return to haunt me.
Still. I guess I could do for the ALP what Cicciolina did for Italian politics. Baps out for the people of Australia!
VERDICT: POTENTIAL!
'Don't look at me . I've pulled out of the race with a chronic case of the sooks.'
VERDICT: NOT EVEN IN THE RUNNING!
Okay, so she's got a voice like a post-tracheotomy Madge off Neighbours. But check it out - she's a bloodnut. Blue for PM!
Also, in all seriousness (I'm so fucking
Jana Wendt right now), I feel the sexist-at-heart nature of middle Australia would actually work in Gillard's favour. Think about it - if she's leader, Howard and Costello will attack her with typical poisonous vigour. And I swear to fucking christ Mr and Mrs Bloke and Blokette will shift uncomfortably in their chairs at the sight of a woman being taken apart . Sure, she's a mannish-type in a masculine world, but you can't bloody say that to a sheila can you?
You know I'm right.
VERDICT: SYMPATHY VOTE AND SHOT IN THE ARM!
Well, I'd vote for him.
VERDICT: CANTANKEROUS AND ONE-EYED GENIUS!
But really:
Tillops for PM. The man will UNITE US.
VERDICT: GOLD!
992 days til the next election.
p.s. I tried desperately to find a photo of the Schmitz to add to my list of campaigners but couldn't locate one anywhere . How is an actor supposed to get work if his goddamn motherfucking photo doesn't appear on Google image search?
If anyone has a picture of Schmitz, let me know.
And remember - a vote for Schmitz is a vote for freedom.
Comments
You wrote in relation to Ms Gillard: "Think about it - if she's leader, Howard and Costello will attack her with typical poisonous vigour. And I swear to fucking christ Mr and Mrs Bloke and Blokette will shift uncomfortably in their chairs at the sight of a woman being taken apart".
I wonder if that rather superior sort of attitude toward the hoi polloi is where the idea (so beloved of the right) of the "elites" comes from.
Why yes, I do believe it is. Pass the pinot, won't you?
Not, mind you, that I could possibly object. I am a bit of a superior prick myself.
I'd love to see the liberal party room in 2007.
"*Snigger*, Johnny was beaten....by a girl!"
I would TOTALLY vote for Tillops. That's what we need; a PM who'll dance to Dramamrama's 'Anything, Anything' with me. And boy has some MOVES! xo
hey fits, you know how we're hotshot photographers? remember that time when i had a camera and we took photos with it? well, i'm sure you and i can help a poor actor get together a puclicity stills folio. i'm thinking a picnic theme. with lots of sandwiches.
- DANGER! -
http://www.aph.gov.au/house/members/pics/photos/83L.jpg =
http://www.director-file.com/cunningham/5263.jpg
(imagine how much punchier this post would have been with html enabled. :P
g)
Surely The Boud has a bazillion beautiful photos of the AWOL Schmitz? Do you think he's dead? Or just frightened?
I've been advocating Rob Corr as superior leadership material, largely on the basis of the contrast between his good humour and level-headedness during the Pandagate affair and the whining, vicious stupidity of the Melb Uni Young Libs.
But, then, Comrade Tillops has bought me an overpriced beer.
Till-ops! Till-ops! Till-ops!
For the present: Gillard all the way. Quite apart from political and governing-a-country ability (do we all remember that? How their job is supposed to be about making this country a better place, not power games?) she has the definite ability to charm The People. More than choir boy Kevin ever will.
one photo of toby schmitz.
best i could do :)
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/10/13/1097607283103.html?from=storyrhs&oneclick=true
I'm on the Tillops bandwagon. And I demand Ausculture Jess writes him a campaign song.
I love that you are sourcing La Ciccolina's profile from rotten.com
I reckon Bill circa 1985 would have done the trick, (Thanks Barista)
I LOVE it when you get demanding, Rob!
Hmmm. I'll need to hear Tillops policy outlines, etc. I'm very serious about my "art"
(cough, I will stop talking out my arse, I promise)
(have you noticed I'm all about the arse? Today ventriloquism, Wednesday it was studded strap on penetration...)
It'll be an interesting thing to see a woman as leader of the ALP and a contender for PM, considering the current trend towards conservative social values.
For mine, sod Fat Cat and Renwod. Gillard all the way. A female Prime Minister from the Labor Left is just what the doctor ordered.
Although, Rudd might not be such a bad option... there were some interesting points raised on Crikey the other day about how the 'Downer Interlude' made Howard look pretty darn good by comparison....
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The light on the hill
I fully endorse Tillops for Labor Leader.
Don't feed Jules to the wolves now, put Tillops in and then vote Jules in in 2006, she will go head to head with the mad monk and crucify him (literally) I hope!
What about the forgotten Beatle ? Pete Best^H^H^H^h Garrett.
My only political actions were performed nude outside the Women's Tent whilst not going to law school. These days I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. Yoko and me.
"Do Australians want to vote for someone who may or may not still wet the bed?"
Yes, please.
Comments are closed.