Reasons you will hate me

All my non-essential appendages are crossed.

this calls for a tattoo.

not sure what of, but i'll get back to ya fitzy.

Want to have a threeway on top of the Harbour Bridge?

Jeez - count me in for that! hell, i'd do that anyway.

Three-ways and tattoos. Hardly what I was after.

something a little less run of the mill then?!

Okay... Make a scat video with Rene Rivkin, then distribute it to everyone on the Internet.

Would Rene be down with that, do you think?


So far the Harbour Bridge three-way is winning, just by the by.

Fuck Rene, I'm down for that. Hook me up.

Dunno, you'd have to ask him.

What about shaving the Liberal logo into your head?

Or announcing you're rectally smuggling cocaine to airport security?

Dying your teeth yellow?

Um, Dave? You're freaking me out a bit.

That easily?

rectal smuggling.. god, we're all so crass. dontcha love it.
sing the entire Aussie National Anthem to the first five people you see in the street on Monday morning. when they start to walk away, yell 'wait, i'm not done yet!' and chase them til you've finished.

Not really. I'm just trying to be feminine and coy.

Become a full fee paying member of the Liberal party?

(on the up side, you could bring them down from within)

Believe it or not, I'm already on to that via the Young Libs. So much so that I've been invited to their election party tomorrow night.

Too bad I'm already busy.

Sex with Kerry Stokes then tell him he was crap?

Something involving the soiling the front doorstep of an Assemblies of God church would be nice, just to get right up the clacker of those Family First fuckwads.

(Whenever I hear the phrase "Family Values" I want to reach for the length of wood with a nail in the end).

Anthony

Sex with someone of your choosing on the M.C.G. (note: on the actual playing surface)during the Boxing day test this year.

wow - you're getting a whole lot of potential action over this.. hmm.. maybe i should start a similar gaff.. if Wales beat England in the World Cup Qualifiers tomorrow... hang on, now i know i'm dreaming..

I've already promised to show my arse on the town hall steps if Wilkie wins Bennelong. Are you filming around North Melbourne today?

change your name to moonface and move into a tree. with me. mr saucepan. as of tomorrow. if latho wins.

http://www.mycareer.com.au/articles/promotions/pm-ad.htm?s_cid=103224

Apply for this job :(

Public sex seems to be a recurring theme.


Although the poetry of 'soiling' a church kind of appeals to me too...

Well spank me with a pink serviette and call me police minister. All I can think of are rude/lewd dares... What troubling times we live in. Anyway here's one thats more or less feasible. I guess this a just a variation on the three-way behind the decks concept but anyway:

At Ding Dong on Sat have a kareoke-with-live-action-accompaniment red hot aussie go at YOU SUCK, by the Yeastie Girls.. You know the one?

Now, you suck
Suk it hard
Go down, baby
You suck
Lick it hard
And move your tongue around.

And so-on and so-forth. If you can bring yourself to wear a John Howard mask and receive attention from someone with a Costello mask all the better...

I dunno if I'll be able to make it there though - I got scared off rock n roll bars when I got hit in the eye by a flying toilet seat (cool stitches required) at cherry. Everyone should come and vote at the Gold St Primary school. There will be ample refreshments.

'Receive attention'. I love how you get so coy at the end there.

Fly to Perth and come have "dinner" with me! Yey!

Well, you can include public sex as a way of soiling a church. Although just decorating the door-handles with used condoms amuses me more.

Anthony

ok, i win.

if latham wins tomorrow, i dare you to not pash anybody for a month. impossible, right?

Oh, I could do it Knifey. No questions.


But if we were celebrating a Latham victory, where would the fun be in that?

Lick the entire floor of Flinders St Station?

Knifey, undoubtedly, if Latham wins, it will be somewhat like New Years Eve which gives all open slather to pash everyone, right?

Ms Fits, I suggest some nipple tassel spinning on the silver stage of Ding Dong as a fitting tribute to an ALP victory.

XXX

If you take up the church "soiling" idea, here's the ideal target.

Family First No.2 senate candidate for Victoria is Pastor Danny Nalliah from Catch The Fire Ministries Inc. This is the group who are in front of VCAT for vilifying Muslims, and Pastor Danny recently put out a pamphlet calling brothels, bottle shops, Masonic lodges, mosques, etc. "Temples of Satan".

They're own temple of Christly Love is at: Shop 30 Hub Arcade Dandenong.

Or you could give 'em a ring at: (03) 9794 8211

They have a temple in a shopping mall? What the fuck?? Or is it some sort of gift shop - buy a bible, get a free lobotomy while you wait?

Anthony.

As well as the nipple tassles you could fire juggle some still-smouldering wood from Rove's production office. We know it was you...

"Three-ways and tattoos. Hardly what I was after."

Hey!!!!!! Don't knock it til you've tried it!!!!

I know. You could put cocaine on your clitoris and then... oh, wait.

Damn.

How about having to push a watermelon up the length of Burke St Mall? ...I was going to say you had to push it with your nose, but you could push it with your "Pope's nose" instead. Cocaine optional.

How about going into an Family First church and make out with a female whilst smoking pot and reading from the koran.

How bout a nice cuppa tea and a nap? Sounds like you'll need em.

Attempt to pick up Mr John Howard

Tip: Attempt to compliment him on his eyebrowers :)

These lewd dares are such a fine reflection of your blog!

I suggest something appropriate and newsworthy, such as going to the first session of parliament with Latham as PM and draping a big banner over the public gallery balcony with "suck shit, Howard" on it.

Or erm something funnier.

-- therapy

Come to my school in the Netherlands and tell my students during their politics class why it is a blessing that the world will never hear of Howard again.

www.gerbie.tk

No-Ju's isn't bad.

Or, if Howard gets up your response could be to join the ALP and do what it takes to get in charge of their bloody campaign next time. No "if you vote for us you'll get an extra $32.95 each week" crap - you could actually try to get them elected in 2007. (A bit arduous and drawn-out for a dare, admittedly, but at least it'd help for next time.)

Meanwhile, Ding Dong tonight sounds fucking awesome. Don't know that the beloved would entirely approve, sadly...

Set yourself up at the State Library or Fed Square with a chair and a sign that says 'Will Pash Anyone Who Wants It Because Latham Won'. If you don't actually want to pash anyone just say you're developing Pash Rash and are on break.

People. Does it take a fucking American seppo dickhead like me to give Fits the proper dare?! How disappointing! I thought you Aussie freaks were all descended from criminals.

Here is the plan.

Rent a goat or cow from the petting zoo, put a howard head on it take it around to very public places. Put a sheet that folks can sign with ANti-Howard sentiments. And you should wear a huge strap on cock with a Labour Party Flag coming out of the jizz hole. Wave the thing around while carrying a big ass boombox with a proper mix of anti-establishment PUNK Rock and fucking Roll. Anybody who wants can either sign the Fuck you and Goodbye Howard sheet or suck your strap on. It's so obvious. You also have to use the attention you will attract to sell Polichicks merchandise and bring a camera and let people take pictures with you for two dollars. Donate the money to ME, cause I am fucking student teaching and I am poor. Or give it to another good cause. And for god sake video tape the outing.

That's it. Pretty basic.