Reasons you will hate me

Since you've been so kind as to answer everyones questions about you, my query is...

... is there anything you've ever wanted to ask any of your commenters? Someone with an intriguing name? Someone who left a cryptic comment you never replied to but often think about on cold lonely evenings at home when you're sitting on the couch with a dog on your lap, a glass of wine in one hand and a dreamy expression on your face?

PS: This Q&A series is a roaring success. I am raising the roof for you as I type.

ms fits. i feel like we have been in a room together for oh, about six months now. and you have only spoken to me once, over at mine, about the orgasms. and that was a bit tersely.

don't you like me?

don't you notice me?

am i just so much fluff and bother?

[prepares to be crushed]

I'm only an agent for my 9 year old! I told her she should ask you herself, but she was too shy.

Oh, i'm not really into sponge tampons by the way. Just that I recently read an article about women who boil their sponges to steralize them, then pour the cooled water on their gardens as fertalizer.

SPOILER AHEAD

In the movie, Closer, when they reveal Alice's real name at the end, what is the point that they are trying to make?

Is it that he/no one ever really knew her?

Is it that everything about relationships is just a lie?

Is it that she gets to have the last laugh?

I've always found it poignant without ever really knowing why.

I hope you, or your readers, can clear this up for me.

hey fitzy

I just plucked the crap out of my eyebrows and thus look like a cocain addicted clown.

Any advice other than wearing the clown suit?

Is anyone (with good spelling and grammar)welcome to participate in the question and answer game, or is it for Special Friends only?

no no elly m c, all are welcome. Ladies bring a plate. x

Does the fact that the Seven/Ten consortium won the AFL rights mean I Eddie Maguire and his fat neck(s) will fuck off my TV a bit?

What does it say about me that I, unwillingly, seem to attract interest, and sometimes regrettably action, from people already in relationships? I know it happens to other people, and it is obvious the people in the r'ships themselves have an issue, or a shit r'ship, or both, but it seriously is becoming ridiculous. Am I a soft target for unhappy people looking for validation, or something else?

If that one is too serious, and too hard, no worries - I have a backup question:

Should I get a tattoo?

Much appreciated Ms Fits.

Oo goody!

*presents plate of cheese cubes and unidentified smallgoods*

Is it true that a constituency gets the govenment it deserves? If so, what have we done?

Should I have the moles on either side of my nipple removed or do they make me more interesting?

To add further to the lovely Clem's interest in vadge tanning, I once read the autobiography of silent movie star Gloria Swanson. In it she extolled the virtues of a daily leg spread to the suns healing rays, with reflective mirrors and maids serving cool drinks inclusive. She lived to be 86 and was shagging to the end.

Which begs the question - are the beauteous strippers tanned inside their hoo hahs? At what point do the tan lines stop? Do they have the fallopian equivilant of a council workers sock marks?

So many questions. It seems only right that Clem would inspire such mass debate.

Hi Ms Fits,
I think these Q&A sessions are a chance to get to know more about you so I will ask another personal question.

With the tenacity A Current Affair reporter looking for dirt on their next victim I trawled through your blog back catalogue and I have come to a logical albeit unexpected conclusion about you.

For a person who has the veneer of a lazy lefty layabout aka Triple L you are quite the prolific workaholic.

Did your parents beat this work ethic into you?

Yes Fitsy, I am EXCEEDINGLY gifted
















at being both a cunt and a man, apparently

I thought it was because you had a way with your tongue, cuntman. How disappointing.

I do have a way with my tongue - but it's what it does inside, rather than outside, my mouth that got the name. sorry to disappoint.

Have you ever had a fit? Like a proper rabid mouth-foaming episode. If so, do you have a charming identity bracelet (or phone number shaved into your toot-toot) in case of public collapse?

I get sociopatholigical urges (starting with a tightness in the knuckles and culminating with a burning swirl at the back of my neck) to brutally kill everyone involved in the making of and anyone who remotely reminds me of someone in the following ads:-

1) The "music the way it should be" Coke ad

2) The McDonalds ad with the fucking woman stealing the fucking chip (sorry: fry) from her fucking child at the end. I want to see them both on fire.

Is this a normal reaction?

But pissing in the mosh pit should be banned.


"6. WATCH IT ON TV, BUCKY."

I ASKED THE QUESTION BEFORE THEY STARTED SCREENING IT AGAIN and I didn't know they had it on permanent rotation. TV networks only advertise kids' shows during other kids' shows, most of which I don't watch. So there. 9:30am weekdays, reader.

Can I borrow some John Fante/Bukowski off you sometime soon? My patrons are getting on my nerves and I need something to remind me that they're members of my species- I mean...of their deep humanity and worthiness.

Where did the quote on your tattoo - "and so on and so it goes" - come from? It sounds like Kurt Vonnegut.

hey is it possibal to wank wile u shit? i aksd 1ce but this guy jus startd torkn abot liekin tha smel of ur shit or sumthin n that fukn disgusstin

luv grant

when will the b.o.t.b. blog be up and running?

my dog sends me telepathic commands said...

I get sociopatholigical urges (starting with a tightness in the knuckles and culminating with a burning swirl at the back of my neck) to brutally kill everyone involved in the making of and anyone who remotely reminds me of someone in the following ads:-

1) The "music the way it should be" Coke ad

2) The McDonalds ad with the fucking woman stealing the fucking chip (sorry: fry) from her fucking child at the end. I want to see them both on fire.

Is this a normal reaction?

If it isn't, we'll both be abnormal together.

Should have come to grogblogging.

Apart from the opportunity to bring gifts of salmon for my cat, your kranki best mate was there.

AND they were playing arnold schwarzectetera in pumping iron on the TV in the background. Platinum.

If you meet someone on a dating website and start talking to them via email, then get asked on a date by a random hot stranger, what is the etiquette?

To how much effort should one go to be cool and rockin' all the time? What if one's body type does not fit the trends at the time? Should it matter?

Clothes, apparently, maketh the man but the shape of the man definitely maketh the clothes. It's a problem I face daily and it seems to come so naturally to you.

What does the "12:27 PM" bit at the bottom of your post mean?

Is there something I should know?

But how are the insides tanned??

I've been in the Dancing With The Stars green room. Went through all the cupboards and drawers to see if I could find anything good but there was just wigs and sticky tape. Might have been a merkin.

I agree with you about the Dirty Three. Some people take their music more seriously than even the band does. I'll try not to listen to their CD too much, especially the "Live! at Meredith 2004" one I bought this week. Also Clem Bastow is going to be in this week's Pub Strip (I think) along with the saga of Fred Negro's pants and what Warren Ellis did with them. Also expect an actual photograph of Tim Rogers posing at the Twits manager.

Thanks - Tim Chuma.

I like communiste propaganda and kitsche alot, but my local specialist cp&k shop is staffed by a man who I strongly suspect is a Furry (think Yappy Fox). When I tried to buy a giant red Celebrate the Great Leap Forward Chinese dragon puppet recently I was scared off by his aggressively sexual manner towards the puppet and towards me - he claimed that he 'is' a dragon, and asked if I knew Spotted Frog. How can I get my fix without having to encounter The Dragon Man? I don't have a car and I hate ebay.

I'm sure you have the answer.

ps i don't know spotted frog.

you make a very beautiful monkey
especially when you scratch your bum

Ms Fits,

I have a problem i'm hoping you can help me with.

My ex boyfriend - who was my first 'true love' has recently split with his long term girlfriend (I still would like to say it was a rebound thing as they got together directly after we broke up even though they were together 7 years!)

On Saturday night my friend saw him out and he asked for my number (which she gave him)
It took me forever to get over this guy and finally I did.

So much so I got married.

But now feelings and issues are being raised and the 'what if's' have come back to haunt me.

I guess what i'm asking is, if he comes a-callin' what should I do?

anon, she shouldn't have given him your number without your permission. i'd be telling her off. then i'd be telling him to forget it when/if he calls. and i'd be telling my husband all about this right now, so he is in the picture.

sorry ms fits for dispensing advice on your turf. but this is one thing i can talk about. clem's question has me stumped...

In the Ep of LMS when the blond guy has the attractive girlfried, but freaks out because she's so well-adjusted and flirts, and dances with other guys in her maid marion cossie: is that woman based on an experiance you had with a jealous ex? I always thought it must be.

Damn, I was too busy throwing up Apple Martinis on Friday, so I know I'm late, but sometimes these things can not be helped and I have a burning question.
You have previously mentioned that you, despite not being one of those kinda annoying bimbo-y girls, regularly exercise. Being entirely able to picture you in any kindo of sporting attire, r.e a tracksuit, can you please tell me what kind of exercise you do and what do you wear?

You're not late. Feel free to post questions in this thread all week and I'll see to them Friday.


Apple martinis? Throwing up? Boy, get you and your rock n roll Friday. x

Dear Fits,

Wax ... or shave? The removal of surplus fur is a bloody worry.

On the one hand, the end result of a thorough waxing is just delightful to the touch and makes me wanna rub myself all over myself. Or something. But it fucking hurts! More than my ever-so-tasteful tattoo, more than my two caesareans! Honest injun!!

Shaving, however, is painless (except for those occasional scrapes of that thin bit of skin above the shin or ankle bone ... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck ... at least that's my usual response.) yet it is grossly temporary and can lead to nasty ingrown hairs and little red spots around what should be a marshmallow-y baby-soft upper, inner thigh just right for my true love to doze on after a good shagging. (I think he gets a bit too much shag pile at the moment - but he never complains. What a dear.)

In fact, excess body hair on women simply proves that there is no such fucking thing as 'intelligent design'. No one in their right mind would have intentionally designed a woman with constantly renewable thigh-high ugh boots.

Yours,

Duk.

Dear Ms Fits,

Does this count as a question?

Yours, etc,

BEVIS

Okay fits, i'm not sure if this actually counts as a question but:

My mum really loved last man standing, she used to wait up until WAY (note the bold) past her bedtime to watch it.
I never told her I blog-stalk you. I should have but she wouldn't have got it because she's not up on technology and if I said 'blog' she'd most proberbly think I was swearing in a foreign language.

Anyway, my point being - you have alot of people who admire your talent, passion and beliefs. Is there anything you want to say to supporters/fans/stalkers?....and if you mention my mum could that be counted as part of a birthday present? or should I just stop being so cheap and buy her something nice?

Inappropriately yours,

Mska

Tell me, wise one, should I go with the nice (and romantic) but smelly vagabond or the conceited but stable (and smart) editor?

One could end in an Heathcliff-like epic on the moors...the other...at Safeway, silently mediating our unhappiness with the milk we choose...

Is it just me, or does the phrase:
"I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing ABOUT you..."
Make absolutely no goddamn sense whatsoever?
(My honey insists there's a difference - I think he's just trying to be a clever dick. =)

It actually goes:

"I'm not laughing WITH you; I'm laughing AT you."

It makes more sense, that way.

Sorry to have answered your question, Fits, but I see you may be quite bogged down, come Friday.

So, if anyone wants to take the pressure off Fits and answer my question re: Closer, I'll be eternally happy.

The suspense is killing me.

ok, i'll have a go. i thought that the revelation at the end of closer meant to shake us up a little. i thought she was the straight one, but it turned out that she too had secrets, maybe she had come to england to escape her own world, and have a different identity.

i also remember thinking that it was like each character passed a baton in terms of their stories, and that you would start with one impression, and then end with another about them, which might be quite opposite to what you thought. eg, her and her table top dancing.

i didn't really like the movie that much so didn't pay too much attention.

i have an idea. a comment thread, where a person asks a question, and the next person to comment, has to first answer the preceding question, and then ask one of their own.

like one big chain of dorothy dixes.