Reasons You Will Hate Me

17 comments

Questions round two.

More questions. I am starting to like this. Bring it, etc.

Spunkrat Fluffy asks:

I'm not sure if you can answer this one but it's the question most taxing my brain right now: Where my nice black undies with the pink ribbon? Why did the most attractive pair of underpants I've bought myself in years disappear after 2 weeks? Do you think my neighbour stole them?

From memory when I had this cockamamie question-time notion, I figured all the queries were going to be about me and my bottom. The fact that people are now looking upon me as some kind of soothsayer pleases me greatly.

Fluffy, the best undies always go astray. I recommend topping up your collection by purchasing more at a sex shop. They always have sweet, sweet matching underwear sets, although the bras are not renowned for their support.

If you're still wanting to know where they are, ask Bevis. He's been snowdropping around various blogs for months now.

The ever-gorgeous Ladycracker asks:

Skull fuck, blow job or head job. Which is the better terminology?

It depends who you're talking to. My grandma always preferred the term Skull Fuck, although she did have a salty sense of humour.

For damp-knickered romance, you can't go past blow job. As in, 'I'm going to take you home after these seven cocktails and give you the blow job of your fucking life. Then you can give me money.'

Anonymous said...

Are you spoken for Ms Fits?

I am indeed, Anonymous. Are you?

Manure Man gets romantic when he asks:

after two weeks of courting this young lass at work we've decided to give it a shot. where should i take her tonight? she would like to see a gig but there doesn't seem to be much going on tonight except the evelyn which looks o.k.

Dung Boy - may I call you that? - I like that you used both the term 'courting' and the description 'young lass'. Fingers crossed you get to 'hold hands' with her at the end of the evening before her dad starts flicking the porch light on and off.

In terms of gigs, Augie March are playing the Northcote Social Club. You can get a nice parma there and my ex-hospitality crush works behind the bar.

If she's into some rockin' blues, Collard Greens and Gravy are on at the Retreat. Sexy beer garden, too.

My beloved ex-husband is playing at the Corner, supporting Mick Thomas.

The coolsie kids in tight pants will be looking wan and unavailable at onesixone for Shake Some Action. You can google this stuff if you wanna, it's not a word of lie.

Litahnee wants the inside skinny on my acting career when she asks:

In a post of months gone by you mentioned your TV career and characters you have played. Can you confirm or deny this part of your TV CV?

A TAC ad about 7 years ago. Maybe more, maybe less.
The Scenario (as well as I can remember it):
It all ends, suprisingly, in a horrific car crash where you kill a woman who is in the car with her baby (who survives) because you and your mate were too interested in checking out/dragging some boys at the lights rather than concentrating on the task ahead.

Yeah, that's me. In a particularly awful short blonde hair period that's best forgotten. WHY DID SOMEONE NOT TELL ME I WOULD LOOK LIKE A TEN YEAR-OLD BOY IF I CUT MY HAIR.

It's nice to know my leering skills landed me some work ogling boys and killing people.

Everyone's favourite mscynic asks a whole lot of questions I can't answer right now because I'm off to get my vagina waxed, but ends with:

You could just let me know if those ginchy little Polichicks pyjamas are still available and if it's acceptable for me to wear them as daytime wear?

Yes and yes. But what is 'ginchy'?

I shall be back for more answering with a silky-smooth labia (and surrounding areas).

17 comments.

Comments

22Dec18:51

Joseph said...

Hang on, Sime Nugent is your ex-husband?

22Dec19:19

Desci said...

What is *with* today? Including myself, you're the fourth person going the wax this day.

Have a plastic santastic christmas, btw.

Love from a tea-tree-scented Desci. xo

22Dec19:41

mscynic said...

I don't know either.

It's something stupid fashion designers bother me with when they're plagueing me at The Bar From Hell.

"Darrrrrrrrrrrrrling, I just LOVE your ginchy, little blousson."

I always took it as a compliment.

You don't need to answer my other questions. I was quoting Catch-22 at you.

But now I have another question. Did I spell plagueing right? It looks funny.

22Dec21:58

Joseph said...

Ooh, can I answer your question mscynic, or was it a Question?

So Fits, I asked that other oracle whether you were straight up about this marriage thing, and it turns out I'm the second-leading authority on it in the world. There you go. I guess I have to write a Wikipedia entry about it now.

In the process I found out your middle name is Josephine, which is totally excellent. (... Then I went to the pub. So I was only googling you for five minutes, not, like, the last three hours. Really.)

22Dec23:02

BEVIS said...

Gee, as far as revealing someone's personal information online, Joseph, you've only left us with Fits' bra size.

Bags me that one! Bags me that one!

(It's 12G*, if anyone's wondering. Not sure what that translates into in American sizes, but Ms Fits just so happens to have a 'handy' American on hand over Christmas, so-called because he's good with his hands, so maybe as a special Christmas present she'll let him measure her in his own, 'American' way.)

* Absolutely true fact, totally made up.

22Dec23:07

BEVIS said...

... And now I think I need a little lie down.

I'm heading off to Sydney in 4 hours. Yes, I'm getting up at 3am and heading off on a road trip. FUN!!

Think of me at 3am; I'll be the one driving up the Hume.

(No, really - think of me. Set your alarm or something. I mean, come on - do I have to think of everything??)

22Dec23:16

fatnigger said...

Ms Fits, I'm not a friend, but my friend asked me to ask you why you haven't become a suicide bomer yet. Is it sedition if I ask that question? 'Cause my friends Ali, Moham and me, think it's all cool.

Hurrah for the Pogues!!!

22Dec23:41

Joseph said...

Don't let me accuse you of overstatement, BEVIS, but Fits is writing about waxing her nethers. The middle name thing kinda pales by comparison (not to detract from its excellence!).

23Dec00:19

la nadine said...

i ask you the eternal question:

CAN I BRING TWO OF MY FRIENDS?

23Dec06:13

Jess said...

You still doing questions, eh? Alright. This is a two-parter.

Being close to the years end, I ask a somewhat relevant question. Will you be glad or bummed to say goodbye to 2005? And what would you like to see happen by this time next year - both in Fitsville and ACROSS THE GLOBE?

And why can't I sleep? This is a sober, No Doze-less question and I need help.

23Dec07:09

ruby said...

wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. wait.

wait.

from one language fiend to another,

– labia is both the singular and the plural??? like fish and fish??? or sheep and sheep???

i can't believe i did not know this; i'd always assumed it was just the plural, seeing as the instances when you'd talk about only one would be pretty limited, surely?

i only question your use of 'a' as the preposition, fits, ahead of 'my' (as in, yours...)

surely the crass, yet functional, use of 'flaps' (though contextually off, as a colloquialism linked more commonly to the labia minora) would've eliminated *some* confusion?

*gently pats and praises penis for simplicity of its nomenclature*

r

23Dec10:25

LadyCracker said...

phew, thank god that has been cleared up. I can go back to writing my masterpiece now.

23Dec11:35

obtuse-a said...

dear ruby

labium singular - see
http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50128542?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=labium&first=1&max_to_show=10

usually operating in pairs.
is that boring, or useful?
x

23Dec11:51

theotherguy said...

Ten years ago I had a brief affair with a colleague, we were both married to other people but I was completely in love with her. She chucked me after a month and I was crushed. She transferred to another department and I hear abouther sometimes but our paths hardly cross. Today I saw her at the market and we went for a coffee. We're both still in our same marriages and she has four kids now. She says she really regrets our affiar because we ruined a great friendship but I remember it as the best time of my life. I still want her. Is it wrong to try again?

23Dec13:09

Manda said...

For the Ginchy debate may I submit 2 links...

Link 1:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/6/messages/968.html

wherein is states:
According to the "Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Volume 1, A-G" by J.E. Lighter, Random House, New York, 1994:
GINCH, n. (origin unkn.) 1. A young woman or women, esp. considered as sources of sexual gratification; copulation with a woman. 1936 'American Speech' (Oct.) 280 Ginch Any girl. 2. the vulva or vagina."

And the other link:

http://ginchyworld.typepad.com/

A girl who uses this word as her nickname, apparently derived from a childhood incident with her brother. I dont want to know details, suffice to say she is a friend of my sisters. I use the term "friend" loosely though.

(hehehe, loose!)

24Dec13:01

Anonymous said...

I have a magazine from New Zealand featuring a blonde-haired woman named "Holly", I am sure it is just a coincidence...

25Dec09:53

Anonymous said...

Comments are closed.

Feel free to spread the word

Search

Recently

Events

Links

Reasons you will hate me

Questions round two.

Comments