Random Wtf? things on Christmas Eve.
- A personalised numberplate - 'IWSNME'. Can you figure out what the fuck it means? We were sitting in traffic for ages until we worked out that it was some lame attempt at the classic Bart Simpson line 'It Wasn't Me'. At least I think it is. Either that or 'I Was A Gnome'. Why, god?
- Yesterday a cute-looking Japanese girl approached me on the street. In halting English, she said: 'Excuse me please...could I take a photo of you? You are looking very... fashionable .'
That's right. Me. She wanted to take a photo of me because I was fashionable . I have never been called fashionable in my life. Not even when I was eight years old and won Miss Rye Gift under 8's beauty contest wearing a racy mint-green romper suit. But bung me on Brunswick street in a Christmas shopping rush and all of a sudden I'm leading the fashion stakes among Asian teens.
Not only did I get my photo taken, but I was also asked to share my philosophy on fashion . Setting aside the staples: 'If you leave something on the floor for long enough it gets clean again' and 'Safety pins hide all the sins' I instead signed off with: 'Never be afraid to wear children's clothing'. She told me thanks and that I would be appearing in a Japanese fashion magazine next year.
Then she asked me to get naked and pose with a horse. Which of course I did seeing as I was so fucking buttered up by then.
- A Brunswick gym/beauty salon with - no shit - a huge painted advertisment on its window reading: 'LOOSE WEIGHT THE EASY WAY! JOIN NOW!'. How many people approved this copy before it was painted on? How come the painters didn't pick it up? Are people really that poor at spelling? Their fucking business is 'losing weight'. How could they not know how to spell it?
You'll be pleased to know I called them to inform them of their error. The girl at reception giggled. I am the Spellonator.
That's all now. I'm going to my beloved Gabi's for Czechoslovakian Christmas and lots of schnitzel. Unfortunately none Toby related for now. Tomorrow the thrilling Nadine will be here and Melbourne will be turned upside-down.
Have a beautiful day. Thanks for sharing this thing with me that I love.
1020 days til the next election.
Comments
The anal retentive in me is dying to point out Bart Simpsons line is actually "I Didn't Do it!".
I only say this because cute Japanese girls never approach me in the streets. Which is a shame, as I really like posing with horses.
Even if the horses do make me feel inferior.
Baron, you may be the misquotenator if Ms Fits gets to be the spellonator. Now can we all have our capes please? I am the grammarnator. A big capital G on mine thanks.
I guess the "NME" bit could be "enemy", but then I'm lost as to what the IWS bit is. I WAS ENEMY? Hardly makes any sense. I'm going to rest now.
Maybe IWSNME is "Iris 'n' me" with a Bwighton accent.
The Grammarnator would suggest they say IWSNI instead.
Shattered that I got beaten to the anal comment.
I believe the "It Wasn't Me" might relate to that shithouse Shaggy song from a few years back. There's a cultural fad that went out the window quickly.
Adam 1.0
Language is dying. People don't need to know how to spell these days, because their audience doesn't know either. sms dsnt hlp ithr omg.
The number of time's per week I get copie from copywriter's with greengrocer's plural's and abbreviation's of word's like plse (and teh spelling mistake's) which I'm suppose'd to spot
[ARGH the pain, I'll be correct now]
after it's already supposedly been 'proof read' is really worrying. Who proof read it? A 6 year old perhaps? Or a greengrocer? They're all out of business now, y'know, with big hairy supermarkets roaming the countryside eating everything - then again maybe it's always been that way.. Though corny images of 1950s schoolrooms; teachers with coiffed moustaches and canes smacking the absolute crap out of children for leaving the dot off the top of an 'i' come to mind. Law-and-order-don't-spare-the-Jesus though that image is, maybe there's a point to be made for a reinstatement of violence in education. Or jst mayb im bhnd teh tymz.
Speaking of cute japanese girls, one approached me at a railway station this morning and asked for the time. Just as she finished the question her (plainly visible) watch beeped (it was 11am on the dot). I told her the time (with a somewhat confused look on my face), then she thanked me, turned a quick 180 degrees and went back exactly where she'd come from.
Also, maybe "Loose weight" means they're running a liposuction clinic, and selling their runoff. Personally I'd prefer it shrink wrapped, or frozen. Maybe in some kind of crystalline form, or something. There are no doubt myriad uses for such a wonderful substance.
Have a good one, Ms Fits.
there's a book called Acomodating Brocolli in the Cemetary that's just a big rant about grammar and bad spelling. yep, nobody can do it anymore and then you get these academics who actually suggest that it doesn't matter because the next generation are so totally reliant upon spellcheck that they wont need to know. or ever use a pen.
pah.
anyways, have fun kids. get wasted for me!
Nice and simple - Merry christmas all!
You're right, it was Shaggy! Momentary pop-culture cross-wires. I must have been thinking of Gabi's potato salad.
So, this cr sppeds past me on the M3. I catch the placte "YBASRBK", I s till can figgure it out.
...and grandchildren, I was never the same after that Chistmas Eve.
Love,
Seabiscuit
...and Shaggy stole the idea from Eddie Murphy's "Raw".
I suspect so, at least, given that the lyrics to the name are markedly similar to the material on Raw. :)
Maybe the numberplate belonged to some hasbeen rock group advertising past glories - as in I WaS in NME. Did the driver of the car look like a member of The Vines?
'I was not me?'
maybe he's gettin' down wit philosophy, y'all.
Merry Christmas Fitsy. Hope it's Plastic Santastic.
Dxo
Out of curiosity, did you slip in that subtle 'slow down germaine' line Connor (on Neighbours) delivered a few weeks back? I don't remember the context....or who he was talking to...but I remember laughing....loudly.
You think that's bad! In the Middle East, many of the radio station employees seem to be rejects from England. They ran and ad selling advertising space on their station saying 'If you want to reach your audience where other mediums can't....' Er... nuh uh! There is no such word as MEDIUMS the plural is MEDIA. You WORK in the mediA! It, Medium, Media, Stadium, Stadia, Emporium, Emporia! There's no mediums!!!
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