Reasons you will hate me

Reflecting the inside of my brain.

Last night MattyB and I had a very charming dinner with Lefty , Leif and their respective missuses. We kept blogger talk to a minimum - which was a miracle in itself for a group of computer dorks like us - and all thoroughly enjoyed the moment when our aggressive Chinese Elvis host shouted angrily at Lefty, who failed to fold his Peking Duck pancake properly. Flustered at being made the center of attention, he then proceeded to lavishly spill various fluids and sauces across the table before speaking in another language and careering out the door.

It was very entertaining.


When it was time to pay, I stuck my hand inside my bag and groped away like a twelve year old boy trying to get to second base. I realised that I had become - horror of horrors! - one of those girls . I hate being one of those girls. There's those ones with all the shoes with funny names and the ones who say 'I mustn't eat it, but it looks sooooo good!' and the ones who say tee hee and never call boys up AND THERE ARE THE ONES WITH IRRITATINGLY FULL SHOULDER BAGS.


Ugh.


Here, then, is WHAT'S IN MY BAG:


- Disco lighter with naked man on it in shape of car. Lights up when opened. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life.

- Child-size David Cassidy t-shirt.

- Photo pass to Central City Studios at Docklands, where they are shooting my show. In the photo I look so drunk my hair is on a tilt.

- Red and white striped bikini. Which will no doubt come in handy next time I'm chairing a script meeting and have lost the attention of the storyliners.

- Packet of mints in case someone wants to stick their tongue in my mouth.

- LOST - the guide to 'where to find it' in Daylesford .

- Red and white striped headband. Obviously to go with aforementioned bikini.

- Two mix cd's from Jessculture (thanks spunk).

- Disposable camera. Possibly three years old. I guess I'll find out when I get the negatives developed and find intimate photos of my ex from two boyfriends ago.

- Lucky magazine stickers.

- Channel 7 'access all areas' pass. I know you're jealous. Yes I have seen John Wood in the elevator.

- Jasmine oil.

- Two fantales.

- Packet of soy sauce.

- Vice magazine free cd.

- Toothbrush.

- Packet of lolly bananas.

- Corkscrew.

- List of participants for Celebrity Sweepstakes .

- Cherry lipgloss.

- loose change.


AND EXCITING SUBSECTION:


WHAT'S IN MY BOOK?


I am currently reading The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. It is inexpressibly beautiful and I will be sad when it's over.


I also have a habit of tearing things out of papers or picking up scraps from the ground and putting them inside my book. I am about one step up from a homeless person.


Here is WHAT'S IN MY BOOK:


- Annoying ad found at a local cafe which has 'I AM A WRITER! I AM A WRITER! I AM A WRITER! I AM A WRITER !' in bold font which Gabi thought was fucking hilarious.

- A picture of dogs with KISS face-paint from local newspaper.

- A flyer for a 'groovy country rockabilly' Hepburn band called The Cartwheels, who are made up of mum, dad and a kid. In the picture they've all got thought bubbles. The mum is thinking: 'I hope they don't stop making gingham!', the dad is thinking: 'Has Mum made my dress yet?' and the kid is thinking: 'Why do I have to wear this shirt?'. I don't get it but I love it.

- Ad for frilly underwear I want to buy.

- ''Whip It Up' - three quick ways with soy sauce'.

- Ad for 'Dog Day' at Fed Square. Two weeks ago.

- Polaroid of MattyB.

- Polaroid of me holding hands with hot Vin from Midnight Juggernauts .

- Tax invoice for someone I don't know. On it I have scribbled ideas for the blog. Always thinking.

- Yet another 'I AM A WRITER' ad.

- Telstra bill with shopping list scribbled on it.

- Recipe for minestrone soup.

- Torn out magazine article for all-girl punk band I want to blog about.

- Review of restaurant in city I want to go to which serves 'Laneway Lusts' (tequila, lime and blood orange) and toasted saganaki sandwiches.

- Another 'I AM A WRITER' thing. God we must have thought that was ripe.

- Photograph taken on Lygon street with BookBook front row center.

- Stickers for one of my favourite bands, the Young Professionals.

- Castle Books bookmark.

- Beastie Boys ticket stub.

- Directions to my aunty and uncle's house written on back of work slip which reads: 'We love *actress name deleted* - Can imagine Cameron sleeping with her! Get better!'

- Flyer for DJ Karate show. From a month ago.

- Photos of Your Wedding Night on my radio show. From a year ago.

- Recipe for blueberry pancakes with apple butter.

- Book review of 'Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress' by Susan Jane Gilman.

- Business card for a cute girl named Keri D Lite.

- A postcard to my father from me. I have no idea why I've got it.


Do I have issues?


952 days til the next election.

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