Ring Ring #3280.
*ring ring*
'Hello?'
'HAY JOHN!'
'Hello? Who is this?'
'IT'S US! UR AUSTRALIAN PUBLICS!'
'Oh! What a lovely surprise. How are you?'
'WELL THANKS/CAN'T COMPLAIN/NO REST FOR THE WICKED/I HAS A UMBRELLA ETC'
'That's very nice to hear. How can I help you today? I'm here to serve, obvs.'
'WE HAVE SOME JOKES.'
'Jokes?'
'YEAH, YOU KNOW. JOKES. LIKE HA-HA FUNNY STUFF. CON THE FRUITERER. AND SO ON.'
'Oh, jokes. I love jokes!'
'THAT'S WHAT WE FIGURED. YOU APPEAR TO POSSESS A CUNNING SENSE OF HUMOUR.'
'I don't like to brag, but...sure. I'm game for a laugh.'
'SHALL WE BEGIN?'
'Please'.
'A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR...'
'Hold on, I think I know this one.'
'NO NO, THERE'S A TWIST.'
'Oh.'
'IF YOU'D JUST STOP INTERRUPTING THE FLOW...'
'Sorry, sorry. My bad.'
'SO A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR...AND THE BARMAN SAYS: 'WHY THE LONG FACE?'
'Yesss....'
'AND THE HORSE REPLIES: 'I HAVE AIDS'.
'.........'
'DO YOU GET IT?'
'....Absolutely. Highly amusing.'
'WE HAVE MORE! DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THEM?'
'I don't see why not.'
'A MAN GOES TO THE ZOO, AND THE ONLY ANIMAL ON DISPLAY IS A DOG, RIGHT?'
'Mmmmm.'
'IT WAS A SHITZU.'
'Sounds like it, if there was only one animal. I'd ask for my admission fee back if I were the gentleman in question.'
'NO NO, THAT'S THE JOKE. IT'S A PLAY ON WORDS.'
'Oh.'
'YOU SEE?'
'Oh! Yes. Very funny.'
'ONE MORE BEFORE WE GO. WE'VE GOT SOMETHING IN THE OVEN.'
'Right you are.'
'KNOCK KNOCK.'
'Oh, I love these ones.'
'GET A WRIGGLE ON. KNOCK KNOCK.'
'Who's there?'
'YOUR CONSTITUENTS.'
'My constituents who?'
'YOUR CONSTITUENTS WHO HAVE BEEN UNMOVED BY THE BLATANT VOTE-GRABBING SHOWINESS OF YOUR RECENTLY DESPERATE AND SOMEWHAT PATHETIC BUDGET AND WILL POSSIBLY BE GIVING THEIR VOTE TO THE OTHER GUY, FUCKFACE.'
'....................'
'...................'
'....................'
'WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?'
'.....................'
'HELLO?'
'.....I'm not sure I understand it, to be perfectly honest with you.'
'WHAT'S NOT TO GET? IT'S A RICHLY COMEDIC PREMISE FOR A KNOCK-KNOCK.'
'Well, yes. It's just...'
'JUST WHAT?'
'I mean, you are....joking. Right?'
'WHAT DO YOU THINK?'
'I, er...I certainly hope so.'
'......................'
'Hello?'
'.......................'
'Hello?'
'........................'
'I think we have a bad line.'
'....ANYWAY, GOT TO BURN. THANKS FOR THE
'Wait! I'm not ready to finish talking!'
'EVERYTHING COMES TO AN END THOUGH, JOHN. DOESN'T IT?'
'If you're saying as Lord Keynes once famously said, 'In the long run we're all dead', yes.'
'YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL, BIG GUY. SEE YOU IN NOVEMBER.'
*click*
'......................'
180 days til the next election.
Comments
i just laughed so hard a little bit of 'v' nearly came out of my nose.
and the guy i work with asked if i'm feeling ok.
gold!
A VERY bad man.
Champagne Sketch Comedy
Keep hoping, Cuntyfuzzle.
YOU TOLD ME CUNTYFUZZLE WAS MY SPECIAL NAME FOR YOU!
p.s. that was ring ring gold.
The John Howard post with all the photos is not funny. It's shitful and lame. You waste your blog traffic. If you had any talent you would come up with something original.
How do you know how many until the next election? I repeat, are you fucking an insider?
How long did it take you to add all those photos? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Does anyone else get the sinking feeling that Johnny will lose this round and dear Kevin will fuck up the next 4 yrs when Australia won't feel as 'rich' and fuck face Costello will be voted in come 2010..
Just airing the nightmare I had last night...
ps. I see the haters have arrived early this morning - bless them.
Awesome.
Can horsies really get aids?
Ms Fits
Quoting an economist
Things are getting very serious around here :D
Whereas Duncan's blog is a bundle of fucking laughs: "men = ATM's" (LMAO!), woman showing thong = "stupid slut" (ROFLMAO!!!) . Duncan is a sad, lonely, interwebs wanker who wants people to think his bachelor status is by choice.
p.s. Cats can get AIDS so I don't see why a horse can't, though probably not from a cat.
p.p.s. very good ring ring, please make it into a sketch somehow - this sort of thing is far more effective than political advertising in crystallising public attitudes.
Brilliant ring ring. It's been far too long between rings.
ALSO. If I hate the haters, does that make me a hater?
Love
x
Hey Duncan,
Look out from behind your own ideology from time to time hey? The politics in Australia are pretty odd and frighteningly childish at times.
One phrase that is bandied is “Howard’s Battler’s” supposedly meaning those Australians doing it tough. This generally means people who earn over the average wage and have to pay such a big slice of their earnings to the banks to pay for the “Mc Mansions” and new cars that they are finding it hard. Poor bastards. Just by being in Australia pretty much guarantees that you are in the richest ten percent of people on the planet for fucks sake!
The majority of the Australian voting public seems, for the past too many years, have been behaving like the greedy kid at the birthday party who scoff all the cake. More for me More for ME! They were greedy enough to hock their lives for such gross luxury and they are scared that they will loose it all. Mr Howard as played on this so well it is just amazing to watch, in that gut wrenching car crash kind of way.
Fitzaicous like many of us who didn’t vote for the Bastard Howard are sensing, and hoping, that there are enough of us who are repulsed by the cake scoffing to vote him out.
The Grand Floozie Fitz by her photo post was just pointing that out in a comedic way!
p.s we have fixed terms for holding office in Australia and the count down to the next election is a fair guess which I know Ms Fitz has stated before.
Oooo Look I just had a rant! I think I’ll go and have a lay down now.
It's been fair too long between ring rings.
FAR too long. /illiteracy
hey - there's about an hour's entertainment in Duncan Idaho's blog. Duncan, I think I may have met you outside the Family Court one day. You were there with some mates, wearing balaclavas and black shirts and threatening women and their lawyers. That was you, right?
Woot - I think his blog is where "spittle anon" lives. Check out this comment(he identifies himself as "Dan"):
"I have a strong feeling that this pig knew EXACTLY what she was doing: trying to lure men her way. The narcissistic traits of some of these entitlement princesses are unbelievable. Very possible that she was on the phone with her bf, and if some guy she likes sits down next to her, she'll put away the phone, tell him she's single, available, and she was just talking to her mother!"
Duncan's other commenters don't appear to be any saner or any more educated, either:
"MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR A PERSONALITY OVERALL."
"anon, that dogzilla story was nasty. I was throw up"
I know what you mean. I was throw up too.
The correct collective noun is "Rings Ring" as everyone knows.
Please observe in future.
BBCC
Gold.
But yes, I too have a fear that Labor will be elected (which in itself is JOY!), and then through no fault of their own, the economy will turn bad and they'll get voted out in 2010 and not see the light of day until the year 2080 (total bummer).
We are due for another recession, you know. We can't just keep going up and up, eventually you have to go down and the higher we are the bigger the fall. I just hope we don't fall when Rudd's in office.
*Breathes into paper bag*
Emma
LOL!
Love it. The long face and the knock knock, gold.
DR
*who knows he's parroting the general consensus, but is strangely ok with being one of the herd ;)*
ooo
duncan idaho is a little... uptight... isn't he?
heh
wv baby is ysfcko
rather appropriate methinks
Ah Fitz – you've made an old editor very proud.
And hey – apparently you know an office mate of mine. Not biblically (I assume) but actually *know* know. If you get my drift.
You're all charm, Duncs. What is your problem?
Exceptional work, nearly as good as "between double patty cheese burgers and mass shootings" - you're on fire girlfriend (you go, in your face, don't go there, talk to the hand etc.)
I would have to agree with Duncan, although not quite so passionately - was that meant to be funny, Marieke Hardy?
Jesus Fits,
You've been outed. WHAT A REVELATION!
No, I just like writing her name.
Marieke Hardy.
Marieke Hardy.
Marieke Hardy.
Marieke Hardy.
Marieke Hardy.
Marieke Hardy.
God bless copy and paste.
Quick, someone respond by writing in capital letters!
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
Dear Canberra,
you are often cold & full of politicians.
Regards,
Epon
Dear, Tbilisi,
have never met you but I bet you are also cold.
Regards,
Epon
etc.
That was sensational Fitzy. I love you. X
Does the idiotic anon at 2.26pm realise that Fits links to her blog in the articles she writes in Frankie?!?! You, my friend, are more than a step behind the rest of the pack.
p.s Fitsy, love your work
pp.s duncan idaho needs to lay off the crazy-pills, what a nutter!
It's been far too long between ring rings.
Cuntyfuzzle is lovely word isn't it? It's describes exactly my brazilian regrowth after about 5 weeks. I'm going to use that when discussing tidying my snatch with my beautician, thanks angry anon #1 of today.
What a lovely way to finish the day. I'd almost forgotten the joy a good, sorry, BRILLIANT Ring Ring can bring.
Emma I have thought about that often and I completely share that same fear....... I don't know that there's anything we can do to stop it happening
Let's hope not anyway....
D x
tee hee, anon 3.41!
OK, I'll pay that.
It'll nearly make up for the shit that will flow forth tomorrow.
That was fucking funny. Can't wait for this bastard to be voted out. Then we just need to get Gillard up for PM.
ReservoirDog
Yep. Pure gold.
(doffs hat)
This could very easily be expanded into a long-running series about an uptight elderly prime minister-type and his flatmate, an easygoing hive-mind. Oh, the scrapes they get themselves into!
This post has been removed by the author.
All Hail Hypnotoad!
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
Why is it blog comments go off the topic so much, with the stalkers and the pyschos and the sycophants?
A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"
OMFG!!!one!!1!noes! sometimes, LOLZ do not suffice. i am truly LOLing, right here. GENIUS.
"hi everybody!"
"hi Dr Nic!"
I love you Ms Fits... brilliant stuff.
oH mS fITS, sEE THIS!
http://www.cafepress.com/woops.131012930
Took me a minute to see where it was going, but once it hit is stride...
PURE. COMEDY. GOLD.
btw, a pretty funky verification word today :) gsbinkib
Comments are closed.