Rival!
I believe I have found a rival. This is amazing. I have several people I despise but no one true arch enemy until now. Her name is Miranda Airey-Branson (do you love a hyphenated surname?) and she is a genius. I am already enjoying our mutual repulsion of each other and I have only discovered her this morning.
Airey-Branson was named today in the Age as being one of the Liberal campaigners to cunningly wear green t-shirts on October 9. Here's some of the story:
'Young Liberals posed as "bogus Green campaign workers" on election day to trick Green supporters into voting Liberal, federal Labor MP Michael Danby has claimed...."On handing this card to voters, the young women said things like 'Vote for a Green Australia' ...or 'Voting Green?' before handing them the card," he wrote.'
I was already aware this happened, but may I just say once more with feeling - MOTHERFUCKERS!
Anyhow. This is where the story is about to get good. You are about to meet my rival. Are you perspiring freely yet?
'One of the young women named in the complaint was Miranda Airey-Branson, 20, a Liberal editor of Melbourne University student newspaper Farrago.
She is also known for her webdiary, which promotes her fake tanning regimen, gives the size of her breasts, advertises her dislike of "prudes" who attack Paris Hilton's sex video, and tells of her love for horses.
"Society is all talk and no erection," she recently wrote online, followed by the observation: "I have morals, you know - I keep them in a shoe box under my bed."
Could this really be true? Is there some slutty sweary ladybird on-line who is an out and proud Liberal ? Could Miranda Airey-Branson be my long-lost nemesis?
Here is her web-journal. Oh my god. Here is a quote from it:
'Lecherous misogynists, overzealous security guards, emotional fuckwits and calculatingly brilliant student politicians IN GENERAL can all go fuck themselves, because I'm going riding, and my horse thinks I'm wonderful, and not slutty at all, and I think he's super too.
Yes, you might be able to tell, I am feeling quite cross with the world at large.'
I tried to search for a picture of her on-line, but could only find a tiny photograph of three private schoolgirls looking virginal and coy. It's absolutely killing me. A hyphenated surname, potentially obsessive love of horses and a deep affection for the words 'super' and 'silly'. Is anyone else imagining a braying Pandora-type figure with an overbite and prominent camel-toe? Having a nemesis rules.
I love Miranda Airey-Branson and I am going to make the lesbian finger-bang fuck with her. Then I am going to piss on her.
11 days til Gabi comes home.
1071 days til the next election.
Comments
You and Miranda, possibly even a horse involved?
I'm all tingly down under.
She's everywhere!
http://mirandaaireybranson.blogspot.com/
I think that is the blog they referred to: there are two pictures.
-- Le Driver
From her blog:
Andrew Bolt is so lovely. I interviewed him for Farrago in the last edition, and aside from what I published, he had some excellent advice on how to be taken seriously in politics.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Her and some friends have another blog where one of them has a drivel about Nasty Michael Danby reducing poor, innocent Miranda to tears on election day.
http://alexlew.blogspot.com/2004/11/michael-danby-points-his-angry-finger.html#comments
"I'm going riding, and my horse thinks I'm wonderful, and not slutty at all, and I think he's super too."
Pony toucher!
oh come on, she's blatantly a fucked up brat - parental blame must be taken. that and lack of brain food:
"I have a headache and still feel vaguely unsteady - as if I am still drunk - however I feel marvellously thin, and today have eaten only chewing gum, diet coke and one nectarine. Hurrah. "
yes. celebrate anorexia.
can we torment her by collective abuse and bombardment of her blog?
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
I wouldn't. It only gives her more inane fodder for her anti-left ramblings.
As with Bolt, the best thing to do is ignore.
"Is anyone else imagining a braying Pandora-type figure with an overbite and prominent camel-toe?"
Or a Princess Anne spiral sliced ham...
Face it, Buck. You're obsessed with her. You want to touch her vagina.
Can we touch it together? There's enough to share. Apparently Jellyfish can introduce us to her.
Shortly after I posted a rude comment on her blog someone, with an "edu.au" URL spent ten minutes looking over mine...
A comment I tried to post earlier went missing for some reason. Blogger preferred to let my rude comment through. I wrote:
People should just collect everything she's written and wait for her to stand for parliament.
---
And I posted the sliced ham picture yesterday, before I'd even heard of the delightful Mandy.
Much as I want to join you all in braying derisively at this ridiculous figure, I'm afraid I must point out that which has eluded you all:
Miranda Airey-Branson (or, at least, that portion of her which has been bloggified) is a fiction. She's a parody, a satire, a send-up, a caricature -- in short, a spoof.*
A person by the name of Miranda Airey-Branson may, in fact, exist. She may be a Liberal co-editor of Farrago. But no way in hell is she self-same person one who posts so unselfconsciously about horses, Andrew Bolt and lesbiwomyn.
Whoever the online Miranda Airey-Branson is, she's not a real Miranda Airey-Branson. She is (dun dun dunnn) ONE OF US.
I want the record to reflect the fact that I called it first.
*Heh heh. "Spoof".
Really? Bumsex. I was so totally fired up for a nemesis.
A Liberal editor of Farrago? What the?
My, how Melbourne University must have changed in five short years.
Call me Mr Thicky Can't-Use-A-Computer-For-Toffee, but where's the blog you can comment on? The LiveJournal doesn't seem to have been updated since March. Confused.
is it just me or has miranda's blog mysteriously disappeared?
if she's not real, how come the photos - cos that looks like her to me.
"Miranda Airey-Branson (or, at least, that portion of her which has been bloggified) is a fiction. She's a parody, a satire, a send-up, a caricature -- in short, a spoof."
Sadly, Television's Kynan Barker, I'm not so sure.
1 - If you look at her blogger profile, the blog http://sloaneranger.blogspot.com is together with two more blogs she shares with other right-wing tossers. These seem a little more genuine than her own amazing self-parody work.
2 - Jellyfish made a comment earlier, on this or the other Miranda post, that she's met her and she's worse in real life.3 - When I posted a rude comment on the Sloane Ranger blog earlier today it, and another fairly innocuous comment, were removed within 1/2 an hour and then she or a colleague spent 10 minutes exploring my blog. Doesn't seem like the actions of someone taking the piss.
It would be great if it was, because they'd be a fucking genius. But, alas, she appears to be real. But, yay, she's a self-parody of the highest order.
"is it just me or has miranda's blog mysteriously disappeared?"
It has disappeared! Was it something I said?
Well, it's a good thing I saved every single page in the archive this afternoon, isn't it?
You are in love.
The URL's not working anymore... maybe it really was too good to be true. She makes me want to egg houses in Toorak.
Being a staff member at Melbourne University I must tell you that yes, some articles in Farrago would fit very well with Bolt and Akerman. Just recently there was one which said how wonderful the Nelson's reforms would be for Universities. I wonder if Miranda wrote it. Or whether she was that student in the Liberal T-shirt who when we marched during our strike with the National Tretiary Education Union she was holding a placard which said" "I pay my fees - go back to work you bastards'.
Cowards!
All of you.
Miranda has had her blog taken offline because of your immature harassment and personal attacks.
You attack Miranda simply because she symbolises something you cannot understand, and thus choose to hate. You attack her because she disagrees with you.
Grow up and learn to act like adults. Miranda's body image and sexuality have nothing to do with this. There are just as many people (if not more) like her in this respect on your side of politics.
You hate Miranda because she represents a woman who refuses to fit into your stereotypical moulds. One who is conservative, but independent rather than submissive. One who is intelligent but not in love with your bankrupt feminist ideology.
If you disagree with Miranda's ideas, don't attack her personally, try and constructively challenge her ideas. Shooting the messenger does nothing to change the substance of the message.
righto
Oh, Joel, you delightful bucket of man-spunk, you. Where, oh, where to begin?
"Miranda has had her blog taken offline because of your immature harassment and personal attacks."
Or is it simply, as the French would say, "if you can't stand the heat"?
"You attack Miranda simply because she symbolises something you cannot understand, and thus choose to hate. You attack her because she disagrees with you."
Oh, no, dear boy, oh no no no no no. We attack her for so much more than that. We hate her because we DO understand her -- and she doesn't just symbolise that which we hate, she embodies it, epitomises it, she puts it in her pipe and blows smoke rings proclaiming it. (Or at least she did, until we scared her off the Internet and she ran back to the stables, clutching a kerchief dramatically to her forehead.)
"You hate Miranda because she represents a woman who refuses to fit into your stereotypical moulds."
You what now? Such delusions. She fits EXACTLY into a stereotypical mould -- and it's hardly our fault that the mould was broken before she got there. Jilly Cooper, Pandora Braithwaite, 'I-want-a-pony-NOW-Daddy, and thank god I have a boyfriend to keep those hairy lesbians away from me'? Don't be jumping into the deep end of the gender politics pool until you've at least seen a real live naked lady, Joel, my dear, sweet child.
"If you disagree with Miranda's ideas, don't attack her personally, try and constructively challenge her ideas."
Such a shame, then, that her ideas lasted only half a day under our scrutiny.
Listen, bub. We're happy to attack her ideas -- you just be sure to let us know when she has one. And in the meantime, we'll continue attacking her for being a genuinely, sincerely, bowel-clenchingly AWFUL PERSON.
Seriously -- 'I am woman. Here me whinny. This is my blog, these are my principles, here are my hateful spiteful ill-informed politics. But don't make fun of me because it might hurt my feelings and my little friend who loves God nearly as much as he loves John Grisham will be forced to spring nobly to my defence.' Fuck off back to the 1950s, you blithering conservitwat.
[You'll regret opening this can, Joel, and unleashing the nasty, devil-spawn worms therein. Take a moment to imagine the adoration and love you would have received if you'd simply posted thus: "Miranda was a delicious fake, and I, Joel, invented her! Love me! Love me! Drench me with your hot, wet praise!"]
TKB - You couldn't post this comment on its own page somewhere, could you? (along with whos-its thing that you're responding to) I think it summarises the whole thing with perfect clarity and it needs to be more accessible.
All I can really add is; I love you, I love you, I want to drench you with my hot, wet praise...
Buck, you know how to treat a gal right. My one regret is that perhaps "conservitwat" should be spelled "conservatwat". Live and learn.
It hardly seems right to hijack Ms Fits' blog with separate pages just for my witty banter (EXTREEEEMELY witty though it may be) and my own Blogger space is kinda reserved for made-up things of much less consequence.
However! I shall send you an e-mail -- maybe you have room to recount the saga thrillingly on your own page?
My quivering, sponge-like body eagerly awaits your drenching.
So loving this refreshing homoeroticism right now.
By the way -- credit where it's due. The divine Jess from Ausculture actually made the "Miranda is a parody" call, several hours before me, in a separate thread.
I'm happy to amend the record to reflect that fact, since we both turned out to be clutching a fresh-cut posie of WRONG.
Miranda, it must now be admitted, is 100% real. As well as being a magnificent self-parody. Like Galaxy Quest, in many respects, but with less Sigourney Weaver.
I went to school with her
^ Elizabeth Silver, you rascal! Was that you?
no, I still go to there. EVERYBODY has been talking about her online diary and knowing our school things get around pretty quickly, people think she's gone nuts. A friend told me that he was reading them in politics and the teacher was reading them too. I really hope everyone is over it by next week, like I didnt really know her and I didnt like her anyways but her sister is still there and it's probably really hard on her
Which teacher?
Joel:
Took me 5 minutes to find these juicy quotes from Ann Coulter:
"Masturbates in a sink" (re: Bill Clinton)
"corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute,somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons"
Nawwwww, she'd never insult anyone.
"invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity"
Ok, Annie get your gun, off you go.
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
This is just plain evil.
One question Joel, if the allegations of electoral shenanigans against Miranda are true, do you condone her actions?
Damn, looks like I arrived too late for a hot catfight (again).
Here I was, a real horse-riding gent, well embedded in the local power structure but with a taste for hashish and oriental sexual techniques, all ready to give that Miranda Airey-Hussy and her enunch walkers a good horsewhipping (but not if they pleaded for it).
But hmm, it seems to be all over now...does it?
*stands there in black RM Williams "Bushman" Riding Boots and a red leather thong from Fredricks of Hollywood, thoughtfully swishing a 24" Staghorn Hook hunting crop*
Yes well...hmm....ummm....And who the blazes are all you people and why are you looking at me like that?
I need a drink.
*exits stage left*
Major Nabakov, late 11th Hussars and Madame Mimi's Happy Bottom Riding Club, Rangoon.
And damn and blast Blogger's clumsy sign-in procedure to hell.
Ok, imagine if the blogger world went as crazy over Jess Healy as you guys are going over Miranda? Wouldn't you all be mortified?
Just because Miranda is a confident Liberal, does not mean that she is a target for all of your own suppressed sexism etc etc.
So, Miranda makes some entertaining comments, so what? How much of this is representative of the girl and how much is just there for entertainment value, you can never know, so don't criticise her.
Mwanda may be a Force in Time Management: with the web diary, student politicking, editing the magazine she claims to, the clubbing, housesitting, working as a 'Groom' and riding for pleasure ....the days are not long enough. I was wondering if poor Patches had been gelded? yours faithfully, Mr. Ed, c/o Wilbur's.
Compliments on your lovely swimsuit Ms.Fit. best regards, Betty Page.
The teacher was Ms Green
ATTACK OF THE GREEN EYED MONSTER
Growing up in the same town as Miranda I feel I can critisize accurately every author on this page. By not getting to know Miranda you have safely assumed the position of the most ignorant people on the internet. And that is a big call. Miranda was always a strong minded person, and still is. But those of you trying to BLAME her rare talents on anyone is ludicrous. Especially on her parents.
Her mother and step father are two of the nicest people you are likely to meet and, have done everything in their control to ensure the best for their children. To even assume that she was spoilt is a hideous stereo type. WOW she has an opinion- Why of course! She MUST have got everything off Daddy that she ever wanted. Miranda and her sisters worked VERY hard to keep their horses fed, groomed and fit. They never had a stable hand or even their parents help when it came to their love of the equestrian sports. I resent that people have judged her before even knowing her...
The reason you now have a 'true arch enemy' is merely because you are jealous. Yes Miranda is outspoken, but from your ill written logs I have come to the following conclusion. Jealousy and bitter self pity has you cringing at the enormous potential that Miranda has to offer. She is the most talented writer that I have had the pleasure of viewing in several years.
I am not saying that i agree with all the things that Miranda has said/done. But then again, I will never find a person that I do. Be nice to Miranda, you never know... In a few years (with any luck), she might be our new Prime Minister. Let's just hope there aren't as many ignoramouses out there such as yourself that will stop her.
Stop pitying yourself. Appreciate the potential that is Miranda Airey-Branson.
Prime Minister?? For the sake of everyone I hope no! I went to school with her also and yes I am quite shocked about her abnormal ways of life. I don't understand why someone would want to make herself so public and portray such a bad image. Gee she sure has changed from the good ole school days, what a turn around...
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