Reasons you will hate me

okay then...


i am chasing three guys even though i know the relationships will go nowhere and it will probably end badly. I'm just bored I think.

When I was 11, I was left alone with a family friend's daughter who was 3. She was bending over and I got a boner, she was sort of in the doggy position, and wearing tracksuit pant toddler clothes, for about three seconds I rubbed fully clothed my boner against her butt crack.

I had never ejaculated in my life and wouldn't until I was 14 and a half. I didn't even know what sex was. It must have been like an instinctual thing. I am now much older and when I see this girl, I feel funny.

Am I evil?

Seriously I was 11 and I had no concept of sexuality.

Reminiscent of http://www.foundmagazine.com/

Check it out, it's all at once sad, belittling, joyous, and committed.

I love it.

i've been with my boy for 3 months and he's only tongue-kissed me once.

i'm lusting after the new boy at work. we kissed last friday under a streetlight, and i wanted to take him home and spend all weekend in bed with him. he's all i can think about.

i'm jealous of my friends. they have their own houses, and good jobs, and a fiance.

i don't think i'm good enough. for anything or anyone.

It takes enormous will-power for me to keep it in my pants. I have got a girlfriend but there are also 4 or 5 girls that I could choose to 'visit' (that want me to visit) on any one night.
I resist the urge mostly and I don't want to give in to temptation (or my ego).

I am not sure if I'm becoming more refined or more apathetic.

I am deeply attracted to women in wheelchairs

Anon 9.37 - when you're in a relationship it seems that everyone wants to sleep with you; as soon as you're single again you'll realise you were wrong.

My confession is that I am such a know-it-all.

my grandpa died last night, and i felt nothing. the only emotion i had was the desire to take photos of his thin frail skeletal body.

PROVES MY FUCKIN POINT.

YOUR AUDIENCE IS A BUNCH OF

CHILD MOLESTERS, SOCIOPATHS, PSYCHOPATHS, SLUTS, FUCKHEADS.

JUST LOOK AT THIS COLLECTION OF FOOLS.

Anon 10:04, why dont you just fuck off and die. You're boring. Take your useless time wasting rants with you.

Anon 10:04am, perhaps you missed the point of this exercise, and stop shouting, you look like a knob.

Anonymous @ 10.04, who are you to judge? I don't mean that rhetorically, I mean have you never had a thought that disturbed you? Try being open to having compassion for human frailty and your own. You may find yourself less angry.

In the spirit of confession, I let a boy mess around with me even though I knew he was going overseas in five days to be with his girlfriend (whom I've never met).

i am more scared of sex than i am of sharks. therefore i cop out of every relationship as soon as it gets to sleeping over status. the poor lads never understand why i suddenly have such a change of heart.
it's because my head runs it.

i have sexy day dreams about billy from big brother.

i find him all kinds of lust-worthy and want him to do nasty things to me.

and i want to watch him cum on my boobs.

oh my...

I used to depict violence against Asians in comics at (my catholic) high school simply because anti-Asian sentiments were "cool" amongst us whiteys at the time.

Luckily I've come very much to my senses - and even recently pashed on with a lovely girl of Asian descent. Huzzah for diversity!

i need a hug really badly.

I often date guys who aren't in any way dishy and who are of other races. It makes me angry when people look at me like it's beneath me or that it's wrong to be dating outside my ethnicity.

I'll hug you anonymous at 12.16.

Can it be a group hug Anon 12:16 and elaine? I need a little.

After 15 years of always being the 'leavee' (most recently Feb this year). I have just fallen for a man, who was in, then out, then in, then out (not a eupehmism).

At the tender age of 35 I have just had my heart broken for the first time.

I don't much like it.

But I guess it's meant to feel like that.

My brother was molested at the age of 8. He killed himself at age 19.

If I ever find the asshole who molested him, I would kill them slowly, and dman the consequences.

thanks elaine.

yeah alright 12:26, carn.

my relationship with my mother is so stupid that i worry my major emotion when she dies will be relief.

My major emotion when I found out my dad had a terminal illness was relief. It was harder to deal with people telling me they were sorry for my loss than it was his death.

He's younger, and rude, and unromantic, and broke, and none of the things she decided she wanted.

And worse than being a wranger, worse than breaking someone's heart, worse than anything, our girl has fallen in fucking love with him.

On families,
I haven't spoken to my mother since I was 18. I'm now 33.
I know I have a happier life without her in it but I sometimes wish that things could have been better.
I wonder how I will feel when she dies and if I will go to her funeral.

I remain anonymously in love with fellow band member. Just to clarify, a purely heterosexual attraction...still feels good to get it off my chest although it remains impossible. That's just the way the cookie crumbles....

I'm shallow enough to have walked away from the love of my life because I dreaded going to bed with her each night.

We would have had a lovely garden together, giggling and guffawing the rest of our lives away. I'm pretty sure she's not happy with the new guy.

I suppose that my eventual destiny of living with cats is somehow romantic, so long as you have a big enough vocab to describe it. In the meantime, 8:35 anon and me will just be bored and date losers. Whee!

I only just realized what real love is, And I fear I may have lost it.

I really need a hug.

I wish I could talk to people like this in person.

I have fantasies that i can't share with the woman I love in case she hates me for having them. It makes me want to seek a way to live them out elsewhere but I can never bring myself to do it.

When I found out that my ex was using RSVP, I joined as an imaginary person -- a cyberspace version of his ideal woman -- and flirted with him online. When he asked if we could meet face to face I apologised and said I'd reunited with an ex. I think I thought that this would subliminally inspire him to come back to me. He hasn't.

More inexcusably, I also logged into HIS rsvp account (he uses the same password for EVERYTHING) and found that he has divided his "favourite" women into 3 categories: "passable", "perfect" and "petite". My imaginary persona was one of three in the "perfect" category. The "petites" are all 5' and under. I never knew he liked this (I am 5'3"). I thought I'd feel triumphant about being one of the "perfects", but I just felt very sad.

I miss him so much. I wish I were that witty, pretty, imaginary person. I think I was when we first met. But now I am just his loony ex, a shameless stalker with no respect for privacy.

This is fun, and possibly good for us! Have you seen www.postsecret.com?

I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I worry about all the years that stretch ahead of me and how I am going to fill them.

2:41 - When a hard breakup comes your way, we've all been known to do shameful things.

When my ex and I broke up, I slept on the couch for 8 weeks while she started dating a new guy. Her new relationship began only 5 days after we ended it.

When she was in the shower every morning I went through her phone to find the messages they'd been sending each other. None of it made me feel better. Worse, actually.

I don't ever want to betray someone again, even if they're doing it me. Its a hateful place to be.

She's still with him now though, so I guess, its all for the best, right?

when cooking for my partner and I, I always give my boyfriend the most aesthetically pleasing meal - with the most vibrant colours, most meat, most balance - the one I want the most. He deserves it.

My confession is your confession. The vast majority of secret guilts listed here I have felt or continue to feel. I was afraid that I am alone not in my guilts but in life but as I read through this list my thoughts mirror your thoughts and I share with each and every one of you the very same fears.

We share our anonymity and we think that we are protected by that, in essence we are not anonymous we are fragile and frail we are all exactly the same. Your fear, your guilt and your sense of wastage of things that are in our collective past are the very same reasons that I feel the way I do.

I wish that my future success and my achievements will now become your success and your achievements, that at the end of all things our collective happiness outweighs our collective guilt.

I doubt I will ever meet him. But everything I do is motivated by the desire to be good enough for him.

It was 1986 and I was nine years old. I was staying over at a friend's place for the first time. H lived in the country. During the night I awoke with a full bladder. The house was dark and filled with a strange quiet. Outside was even blacker. The bathroom was a long walk to the other end of the house. Too far and too frightening to attempt. I dropped my pajama bottoms and pissed against the wall separating H's room and his parents. Nothing was said in the morning. I was never invited to sleep over again.

I often think about this particular couple. I wonder if they're still together.

Hello, it's the husband. Yes we are, and things are working out okay.

Though it's funny, the previous poster wasn't my wife after all - though she'd posted a near-identical comment elsewhere. Sometimes all it takes is a really good honest talk to get things rolling again.

things are working out okay.

Sometimes all it takes is a really good honest talk to get things rolling again.

If that isn't what fucking life's all about, then I give up.

A few months ago I had a one night stand with a guy who sent me a text message the next day which read: "You were unreal root thanks".

This left me feeling proud, demeaned, dirty and confused, all at the same time.

I'm 25 and still like emo.


(Not my chemical romance suicide pact goth metal emo)

Anyway



sigh

It came out that a friend of mine uses much saliva during sex - ie, spits on his hand, on his penis and wherever else required to get some lubricant happening (a girl he was with told me this in confidence). I let the secret out, our ring of friends now refer to him as 'Michael Slober-down-my-cock-u-bitch' behind his back (and I am now a very big fan of spit-based lubrication during masturbation, I never was before this story came up).

Sometimes masturbation seems more appealing to me than having sex with my wife. Actually, while we're being honest here - masturbation is more appealing than having sex with my wife in 9 out of 10 situations lately.

The last line from anonymous 11:17 AM (the one about Billy) had me pondering two things:
a) is this a female writing this?
b) do girls really fantasize about men cumming on their boobs?

Subsequently, I went off on a porn trail, ultimately interrupting my work day with a pleasurable wank. I placed much emphasis on porn where semen was flying over breasts.

i want to run away.

I wish that my partner was more intelligent or ambitious. I really love him and I hate that I feel this way.

I'm engaged to the sister of the woman I love. I will go through with the wedding.

In all the time I've been sexual with girls and women, there's not a single on I haven't cheated on in some way. Not one. Even the girl I first tongue kissed was not my girlfriend at the time. Whom I broke up with soon after, and went out with kissy face. Then I cheated on the new girl with the ex.

More recently, I was dating a girl years younger than me while having a girlfriend almost my age. The young one and I never did anything, not even kissed, but I felt like I had fucked her on national television. The girlfriend never knew, of course.

Because I am a sneak, and a cheat, and my emotional maturity is nonexistent. My interest in a woman lasts about six weeks after I have her. Then I begin to stray.

I will die alone.

this is 11.17am anon...

yes, i'm a female. and i only fantastise that about particular boys (usual the lust object of the moment).

i also like watching porn that shows this.

I am finding anon. 10.04 increasingly funny.

My girlfriend is gorgeous (in all ways) and I do not deserve her...I am in love with someone else but my love is a shallow reef and I am sick of ripping holes in people's hearts.

I have spent so long burying some secrets I'm too frightened to dig them up. What if they've not rotted?

I want to punch someone's head in but I hate starting fights. I don't care if I win or lose. So how about it, anon. 10.04?

I'll buy a jug of beer for after.

I lusted and chased after a married woman till she eventually caved in to me.

I'm not proud of myself for doing this.

i want to tell one of my best friends that i hate her.

that i think she's a great waste of space and i can't be fucked putting in the effort to see her anymore.

that if she quit smoking, did some fucking exercise and ate some decent food she might lose the weight she keeps bitching about.

but i can't. i've known her for so long. so i live with the guilt for fear of the fall out.

i'll say i respect that she doesn't want to see me, but i don't. i really hope she takes me back.

I once sold my family's prized cow 'Bessie', and all I got was these here magic beans...

I'm being persued by someone. I just wish they would leave me alone.

I've been with my boyfriend for several years.

I think we stopped having sex about 2 years ago.

I'm only 23 and desperatly want to be fucked by someone.

I have a crush on my ex-boyfriend’s brother, and have felt this way since I met him but didn’t let myself realise what I felt, tried to tell myself otherwise. We were both in relationships at the time.

Now I’m not in one, but he’s still in (another) one. I have no contact with him. I wonder if he feels the same way.

I feel guilty cause my ex still lurves me and here I am thinking of his brother. It probably would never work out (most relationships don’t do they?) but I haven’t felt this way about someone for many, many years. It’s driving me K-Ray-Zee.

I’m hoping I will grow out of it.

People often trust me with their secrets even though I tell them I am not trustworthy. A few months back one of my friends was stupid enough to tell me she had a clandestine sexual encounter with her step-brother. I have since told the www (whole wide world).

I am happily married but whenever my wife leaves the house I spend all the available time wanking over porn on the internet. I think she has no idea of this.
I wish I could stop.

And Anon 10:17 made me go to the toilets at work and wank over the thought of spraying cum on her boobs (obviously I had to imagine what she looked like). I felt shame afterwards.
I wish I could stop.

i'm holding myself together by the skin of my teeth.

sometimes i wonder if everyone feels like this a lot of the time and just don't admit it to each other. then i wonder what would happen if everyone did admit it.

I am still in love with my ex-husband. He hurt me terribly, but I'll never love anyone like that again. When I think of him it makes my heart hurt and I want to cry and I wish I was still with him.

I am now married to someone else who adores me. When I think of him my heart hurts, too.

person at 6.06 - i feel entirely the same way. as though my life is merely a series of shitty challenges to force myself through followed by lonely bits in between them. but sometimes there are tiny lovely things that make me go on - like my friends finally being rewarded for their work, being taken out for tea & cake by someone lovely, & my brother letting me steal the cheese off his plate by pretending not to look.
i feel the same as you. but we must beat on against the ceaseless tide, my dear gatsby... & know you're not alone in the trip.

NSC 9 umbrella

If I were Lindsay Lohan or Mary-Kate Olsen or any one of those poppets with lots of money and no need for a day job, I would take blow and drink straight vodka and sleep around, too.
Like crazy.

I love my dog more than my family, friends and wife. I cry a few times a week just because he is 8 years old and I know he doesn't have a heap of time left.

i told a friend in confidence that i hated it when my boyfriend flirted with other girls (harmlessly, i now realise in hindsight). despite me telling her this, she continued to flirt with him, even more so.

i dropped her as a friend.

I cheated on my girlfriend. I slept with a friend. I wish I hadn’t and want to tell my girlfriend but she would dump me and I don’t want her to leave me. The sex was great, I think about it all the time. Sometimes it makes me feel sick, other times it turns me on.
I pray she never finds out, but deep down I think she will.

I like to imagine all the dicks that have run in and out of my partner's pussy when I go down on her. I love the fact that she is such a filthy bitch. I'm not gay and I can't get it up over gay porn, but I like 2 male and 1 female bisexual gangbang scenes. I want to see her get fucked and I want to the guy/s to creampie her and I want to eat it out of her pussy at the end. I also want them to put me down and demean me while they are fucking her and call me a small dick sissy. If I don't live out this fantasy once before I die I will be shattered. I am thinking of asking my girlfriend to go on a trip to some tropical resort where we don't know anybody and I am gonna let the bellboy fuck her unprotected. And then I want to eat his come. I also think about the cocks she has had in her mouth when I kiss her passionately. I love it. I have a video of me fuckng her. But I used a tripod and zoomed in so my head was cut out so you can just see my body fucking her doggy style, and I pretend it is another guy.

i'm in love with someone who just uses me for cybersex. he has no idea.

i love the way i would do literally anything this boy told me to, as if he owns me. he is the most beautiful, brilliant man i have ever met. his smile makes me weak at the knees. i've passed up several opportunities to have real life hot sex with him because i'm scared the online filth would stop. which is exactly why i can never tell him how i feel.

i'd be happier if he wanted to hold hands and walk through the park, then have tremendously rude sex when we got home. but i suspect the fact he knows how rude i am precludes any notion of hand-holding, in his mind.

my boyfriend adores me, but he doesn't make my heart race, my skin tingle and my stomach flip like cybersex boy (about whom he knows nothing).

outwardly, i am a nice girl. inwardly, i am utter filth. cybersex boy is the only person who knows and the only person who's ever made me feel this way. i don't feel guilty; it makes me feel powerful and alive.

This post has been removed by the author.

I'm a Literature/Cinema Studies student. I like to think I'm kinda smart. I could give an articulate interpretation of Lost Highway on the spot if anyone really wanted it, but sometimes, secretly, all I really want is Hugh Grant. That's why I didn't stay at Goonlight to watch all of Speilberg's Duel and got my boob signed by Spoonbill instead.

Now the signature has washed off I realise the error of my ways.

I'm sorry Pony

Are you on again this week?

I am watching dancing with the stars.

I am married but I would be happy to fuck Anon 5:41

anon at 8.38... I don't even know you anymore!

I am so lonely. So very fucking lonely. I buy drinks like coke and coffee and $12 packs of biscuits from David Jones for guests that I'll never have. Just tonight I bought some fancy cheese and a box of crackers, just in case.

But no one ever comes.


I'm scared that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

ah, di'n't really miss mah bucket... ah had a pail that kept me occupied while mah bucket was gone. i just liked teh attenshun!!11!

i could fall in love with holly c. i'm not some blog only fanboy or stranger to her, either. i've been in her home, patted her dog. she's the first woman that's actually excited me in a frightening and addictive place in some years. i know she'd never look at me that way. i'm not glamorous enough by half.

I'm falling in love & don't know how to pretend that I'm not. He's leaving for Ireland in two days. It's a dumb idea. I wish I could stop letting the dumb idea that is love affect me so much. I think I would get a lot more done & also choose better sorts of men. It's nice to feel hope again. But I suspect it's going to be fleeting.

i have been lying to myself and everyone else for so long that i don't know what i really want anymore.

i'm scared.

i hate my best friends girlfriend. i know she's well meaning and friednly but she's so fucking annoying i want to punch her in her earnest little face. i feel bad about encouraging him to leave her but it's been too long. and he could do SO much better. i think this makes me a bad friend but i do it anyway.

thanks 9.02 for the offer.

But you see deep down, I'm totally scared of being left/leaving said boyfriend that I'd probably just flirt like fuck with you until you called me a prick teasing bitch and left.

Sigh...

who said anything about leaving him?

what the boy doesn't know won't hurt him.

Well then, i must confess that this line of thought is incredibly arousing...

Why don't you write a novel Ms Fits? Aren't you good enough?

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I fantasise I am having a four-way with the three oldest siblings from Party of Five.

I have only had one boyfriend - it ended over 4 years ago - and I'm so scared of having my heart broken again that I have almost completely withdrawn from society and made myself so ugly that nobody would want me (and the chance to break my heart) anyway.

And I'm so worried that, by the time I work up the courage to fix my life, it will be over.

I am always falling in love with girls who work in cafes, especially if they make good coffee.

I resent my friends when they are more successful in their careers than me.

I've refreshed this page about 15 times incase mr 9.02/ 10.06 continues down that trail of thought...

I'm afraid to be happy, because then I'll be responsible for my life.

Once, I was so busting and the toilets were so far away that I had to pee in the Kmart changeroom.

I was 23.

I have refreshed this page 900 times hoping ms 10:36 PM will give some sort of allusion to her inward utter filth.

I wish I has a cyber fuck-buddy. It seems safe and fun.

Once, when I was little, my much-older (early/mid-teen) sister made me suck her nipples.

We're really close now and I pretend I don't remember - she probably doesn't remember - but occasionally I feel kind of weird about it.

Then I think about how one of my best friends was repeatedly raped by her brother and remember that I got off easy.

I sucked someone off in a Liberal senator's office. The fact that we were both bisexual lefty wankers made it all that much hotter.

This is the first time I've tried workplace sex and now just walking into Parliament makes me horny. I plan to fuck him in a National's stationary cupboard by the end of the month.

I confess that I've never told a girl the real reasons for breaking up with her. I've never been dumped and have given countless girls the, "It's over..." lines.

I'm not sure why I'm not honest. Partly it's fear. Partly it's because I don't think they could handle it. Do I need to tell them?

I want to be with someone who I don't want to dump. I am both lonely and scared of being lonely.

Anonymous @ 6:06

I'm barely holding on too. Some days I wonder why I bother, but the alternative is worse.

I'm slowly trying to mend things, but I'm not sure I have the patience.

i literally spend my weekends by myself and more often than not will probably speak to fewer than four people over the course of a weekend. during the working week this increases to six.


its hard making friends when you're in your thirties.

I've made up the most bizarre shit I can think of and posted it on previous confession booths here cos (sorry) I can't take the internet seriously and I wonder whether people have actually believed it.?!?!
But, I sometimes read these posts and feel so fucking sad for the writers because they're too scared to be living the life they want to. (Unless of course, they are taking the piss too?!) It's always lost/unrequited love or some sexual bent etc.... Without getting too "Anthony Robbins", for fucks sake... just tell the stranger/ex/friend of a friend that you dig them or want some leather/latex night of lust. Sometimes it will happen and sometimes it won't.. and no, you won't die alone.. someone will turn up when you least expect it at 25 or 55. I just don't want to be lying on my deathbed thinking.... "What if...?"

I confess that I am a multi-confessor (they're all true). I never thought I was interesting enough to deserve to confess somewhere like here or postsecret.

Now that I've started, I think I'm addicted to how cathartic it is.

would anon at 5:31pm mind saying which state they're from, maybe the suburb? it will either confirm or relieve the sick feeling in my tum. To all the lonely 30ish souls, i hear ya. It's fucking hard making new friends at this age, i have a few but i want a damn sight more, can we not set up some blog meet/ connectory type thing? What i also really want is the one who makes my heart sing, but i dont think i'll ever be more than an occasional pleasant distraction for them (unless they are anon 5:31, in which case, why not just say no thanks for fucks'?)

I'm sad.

I confess it is tempting to want to make things up on here*



* not made up

I am genuinely sorry I can't meet most of you.

When our dog was dying, my partner and I spent the dog's last days sleeping on the floor with her, carrying her outside to piss and shit, and trying to convince her to eat and drink.

Eventually we agreed that this couldn't go on, that we were being cruel and selfish, and that I would take the dog to the vet to get put down.

Afterwards my partner asked for reassurance that the dog had died peacefully and I gave it.

The truth is that she fought with everything she had. When she died she was incredibly distressed and (I think) frightened.

I think this might be a stain on my soul.

many questions
1. theres this really cute guy that likes me but has terribly bad breath !!! what should i do ?
2. do you like the pixies ?
3. why are you so pretty ?
4. why do you even write this blog ?

I'm in the best relationship of my life, from the mental to the physical to the emotional, nothing has been more sublime. Yet I would quit my iife in a second and leave the most fulfilling man on the planet for possibly the most insecure and destructive and painstakingly brilliant one who visciously broke my heart and destroyed just about everything else.

To the thirty somethings out there, what can I say other than the fact that it depresses me to know that there are others out there that are in the same horrible place that is my life. I'm not talking about the 'oh woe is me' factor but the fact that it is incredibly hard to meet new people and make new friends once you are in your thirties. I've tried joining various societies, I've tried the going out to interesting places thing, hell I've even tried the loitering in coffee shops trying to appear interesting thing. But it is all to avail.

I'm not sure that an internety bloggy thing is the way to go either Anon @ 11:44 as I spend way too much time on the internet trying to get that social aspect happening in my life but hell I'm willing to try anything once.

I don't have any trouble meeting new people. I have more trouble giving enough of a shit about them to keep up the relationship.

People are fucked, mostly. Self absorbed, menial, boring, uninspired, predictable, despicable, hopeless losers.

And me I know I'm one.

My sister has a mental illness and I can't avoid thinking that I might have contributed to it when we were kids.

I once rejected a wonderful girl because I was worried I would get mocked for going out with her.

I chose to pursue a creative career mainly because I can't feel worthwhile unless people keep reassuring me that I am. I obsess about anyone who I think might not like me.

I also have a problem with deciding which confessions to put in comments, because there are too many...

the anon at 10.06 isn't the same anon at 9.02.

i'm 10.06. and a girl.

and i've already posted several confessions.

and i'm with you ben - i wish i could meet some of the people on here.

Anon 9:02 writes:

10:06 (lil shaz) you are probably right, we would just flirt, you are up north, I am down south and it's unlikely we will meet.
If you do want to just flirt and talk I will leave my email for you.
Sometimes talking can be good.

Had to try hard to dredge this one up - my brain had hidden it to protect my memories: When I was around 17 or so I dug into my Dad's porn VHS collection (this was a regular occurrence when left alone). On this day I was greeted by a new tape which was always exciting. I popped the tape in to find a 'point of view' style home-made movie. It was my dad (not visible, but shooting and narrating the whole thing), he was filming a naked woman, telling her to do things (to which she happily complied). This kind of hurts right now as I ejected it immediately and forced it to the back of my mind and haven't really thought of it since (I am now 30). To this day my mum and dad are 'happily' married and I have no idea who the woman in the video was (although she had quite an attractive body).

Lil Shaz - I am sorry for your thumb. My confession is that upon reading your blog my mind wandered to the issue of my wife again...resent is beginning to rule our relationship.
I resent her more every day for her lack of independence. I am particularly resentful of the fact that she does not have a diver's license (we are both 34). I have to drive her everywhere, she has no job and probably will just slide into motherhood and die without ever having a job. Don't get me wrong, she works damn hard around the house. I feel guilty that I am allowing her to become more and more socially introverted. I don't know how to stop the cycle. We could be so happy if I could deal with my resent and the issues at hand.

I really want her to love me and want to be with me. The thing is I dont love her.

I am genuinely sorry I can't squeeze most of you.


Sounds like some squeezings might help a bit.

i slept with my ex-boy last night.

i booty-called him and didn't feel the least bit guilty.

i was as good as ever and felt SO right. we still know how to get each going. and after...we lay in bed and talked for hours. about everything. and he cuddled - he never cuddled before.

i think i miss him.

6:06- I feel you on this. The worst thing is that I've pretty much got everything. Wonderful family, friends, good health, good career prospects and financial security. But I just feel dead inside. I felt more alive when I was a self-destructive loser who would drink like a fish, embarrass herself publicly and sleep with anything that moved. Part of me wants to go back there.

hey.

group squeezings, though I haven't all that much to give right now, my heart is bleeding for all of you sore hearts.

I'm in my 30's an have made lots of friends via teh magic of teh interwebz. In fact, my bestest lovely and now housemate (who I really just could. not. do. without.) I met a year or so back through blogging.

xx

My boyfriend used me, but I was too scared to be alone to leave him.

I ended my relationship with my husband in December, it's been over or the longest time, I was just too scared to make the move.

I met a nice man who is everything I was looking for, we are in love i'm moving away to be with him.

I've lied to him and told him I broke up with my husband a year ago when I first met him. I hadn't. I knew he'd want nothing to do with me if I told him the truth.

I lied to a guy I met online, I made myself out to be something I wasn't. He was in America and I thought it would be harmless fun, until he started talking about meeting up. I lied and told him I was diagnosed with cancer and I couldn't continue the relationship. I couldn't tell the truth because i'd just restored his faith in women.

I think i'm going to hell.

I'm going to meet his friends for the first time. I'm short and overweight and scared i'm going to be laughed at because he's previously only dated 'hot' girls. He is tall and skinny, I think we look like the number ten. I don't realise how big I actually am until i'm naked and he's fucking me.

This page is really depressing me, so here are some of my lighter confessions:

I really like the song Drive by Shannon Noll

I cry every time i watch A League of Their Own

I seriously think that if i praticed i couldve played cricket for Australia on the sole basis that i am quite good at beach/backyard cricket.

I think even ugly guys in speedos look kinda sexy



I would like to chop off the legs of all the international students in the city who walk around scuffing their feet as they walk - is it really so fucking hard to pick up your feet.

I thought the song "Our Lips are Sealed" was "I love Cecile" until a month ago (come on it couldve been a lesbian lovesong!)

I thought Greg on The Biggest Loser was hot when he was fat, but really ugly at the reunion show.

I feel nothing but contempt for people who eat cashews straight out of the cashew dispensers at Coles.

I agree whole-heartedly with 6:48pm.

This one's totally irrational, but when I see a woman with big hair I automatically assume she is intellectually deficient. I have no idea where this came from.

I still love him but he's with another girl now and I don't think we will be together in the end because I hurt him too much. I know it's my fault and I don't deserve him, but I keep this silly hope that things will work out.

I love Dylan Moran, I would drop everything to kiss him. Ah, so perfectly gorgeous.

I was incredibly aroused by this page.
I'm sorry I reached the dog story before I came.

Don't think the the person will go to hell, though.

Anon @ 12:23 AM - that was seriously beautiful. You made me cry at work, then i got busted for reading this damn confessional.

I think your pup was just upset to be leaving his two best mates behind. Thats understandable.

He's having fun somewhere. Probably snffing loads of ghosty dog bums.

anon@12.23am: On the contrary, I think there's nothing wrong with keeping something like that back a little. Sure, it's a fib, but it's a fib for the right reasons.

I pick my nose.

I have spent so much time wanking over internet porn that I think I've forgotten how to be aroused without it.

I cry while watching certain soppy ads on television.

I worry that I will die alone.

High school was crap. Everyone was obsessed with homosexual accusations and to be cool you needed to get into fights. I didn't fit in.

I spread a rumour about some kid i didn't know just so that i could get into a fight with him to impress some idiot mates.

He belted me good.




..I'm glad he did.

I married my cousin.

If I kiss a boy I really like for the first time and he then goes straight to trying to sleep with me, I let him. Even though I always plan not to. No matter how much I like them and want them to fall in love with me before it turns into a filth fest and say 'i think we should take it slowly' I just crumble under the pressure. I feel like a bit of a whore. But I obviously have zero willpower. I suspect this makes me easy and makes other people think that I am easy.

This all makes me a bit scared and a bit sad and feel a bit further away from finding true love than I think I would do if I 'saved myself'. It's my fault but I can't seem to change it. I don't want to be thought of as just a fuck but maybe I am.

Anon 2:36pm - anybody who sees you as 'just a fuck' or who assumes that having sex on the 'first date' makes you a whore isn't someone worth falling in love with.

is 12.45 mr travis cot?

I have a secret that is ruling my life at the moment... it's about a man. But I can't even write it here in the confession booth because I'm afraid that someone I know will read it and know it's me. There is only one other person who knows this secret, and it's the person involved. Nobody in my life would understand, and it would hurt alot of people... mainly my dad who I love to death.

to anon at 3.31 -

i worried about that too...but i spilt anyways.

and have never felt so relieved. it was like i untied the knot in my stomach for the first time in AGES.

I just started uni this year and already I'm sleeping with my lit professor, I know that my girlfriend would be hurt if she ever found out and would never forgive me or sleep with me again. But I can't stop my lust after my lit professor, he's hot, and I want to pass with honors, what's a girl to do!

In the real world I don’t like the author of this blog because she broke my friends heart and he continues to make a mess of his life because of it. But I still read and enjoy this blog regularly and enjoy listening to her speak on the radio.

I'm most likely going to get into trouble for writing this.

i've lost track of how many "me too's" i could make in response to these secrets.

but mostly? its the hugs. giving and receiving, me too

xx

i haven't really thought out my suggestion of some way to hook up all us people in need of a few more friends / hugs etc. I just blurted it out from sheer frustration that there are clearly others like me out there and we seem to be spending a lot of time NOT meeting each other. I know some other people have organised blog meet ups at pubs etc, maybe we need an email posse to get this sorted. my head hurts.

A week or two ago i dreamt that i made out with fitz, and may have had sex with her... only to feel bad and go see my girlfriend to confess, only to find her in bed with another girl... then deciding we all should get it on...

Subsequently i told my girlfriend and she seemed to be excited by parts of the dream…

Oh also we refer to you (fitz) as fingerbanger, does this concern you?

I want my boyfriend to fuck me like he hates me.

I joined the Melbourne University Liberal Club at the start of first year. It was the late 80s, and I'd probably been hearing about the BLF too much. I let my membership lapse at the end of the year, by which time I'd worked out I was a small 'l' liberal and didn't have much in common with the MULC types. Only a very select number of people know this; anyone else I know wouldn't believe it.

I confess that I love these confessions.

I confess that I needed to get drunk to write one of my own, and even then I carefully select my words so that nobody can recognise me.

I confess that I want you to like me. But will destroy that possibility with the following confession.

I confess that I don't really listen to music and sometimes I tell people I'm tone deaf, just so I don't have to explain that I don't know who Gorrilaz is.

But I still look them up so I can spell them correctly.

I confess that sometimes I hope the last fight with my girlfriend is the LAST fight with her, and that she'll dump me or me her. And that sometimes I think the opposite, and imagine our babies. And I honestly don't know which future is right.

I confess that I don't shape my own future, and wait for it to be shaped for me.

I confess that I'm a gambling addict.

I confess that I often look at myself in the mirror, and think I'm a hotty. And sometimes I don't, and know that I'm not.

I confess that, on a blog, I used the word 'hotty'.

Referring to MYSELF.

I confess that I was annoyed Daniel Kitson won the Barry, because I dread the day I'm so drained of ambition and spite and envy that I can refer to someone as a 'deserved award winner'.

I confess that I've got a crush on Ms Fits, even though I know she's exactly the kind of woman/girl I normally hate: surrounding herself with unthreatening and flirtatious suitors and giggling her vixeny head off.

I confess that I don't really know what I mean by that.

I confess that I've gone on too long.

i met the blog owner once in bar in the early hours but i was so substance fucked at the time, & thinking of taking my partner home for some nasty sexing, that i don't remember even saying anything at all let alone of worth. i should be nicer than i am

Ah indeed, Fits is correct. Squeezes to you all, even that guy who hates us all. Even squeezes to myself, I feel my pain.

Non-anonymous confessions: I enjoy Achy Breaky Heart.

I am desperately jealous of my sister because she is a successful writer who got to go on First Tuesday Book Club and I didn't. She also got to meet Maureen Dowd.

I am far too vocal on the internet.

I don't consider being ONE of the writers on some shitty forgotten cancelled tv show a successful writer.

When I was little I 'freed' all my pet rabbits in a field near my house because I couldn't be bothered to look after them anymore.

I thought it would be a beautiful thing but immediately, a wild rabbit came up and sniffed at one of the glossy, fat domestic rabbits and then kicked the shit out of it.

I am sure they all died, pretty quickly.

I'd rather be a fake somebody than a real nobody.

I used to sleep with my ex (long after we'd broken up) because I wanted to still keep a claim on her, especially from the bloke she had started seeing. I still loved her on some level and it was messed up and confusing and sometimes I just felt bad about myself. But I kept going back for more.

Anonymous 11:35, my sister isn't one of the writers on any TV show, shitty, cancelled, or otherwise. You seem to be under the impression that my sister is the author of this blog.

You are wrong.

You also seem to be under the impression that being one of the writers on one show is all the author of this blog has done.

You are wrong about that too.

I will never love my husband as much as I love my dad. No, sickoes, not like THAT. I mean I'll never admire, respect, enjoy and adore him as much as I do my father. It's not my husband's fault -- he's a perfectly admirable, respectable, adorable man. My dad is just exceptional. He's the funniest man in the world and I'm so lucky to have him.

Anon 11:54 PM - That is so Watership Down it's unsettling.

Yes, davey. Throughout my childhood and early teenage years I couldn't sleep properly because I kept remembering the image of the rabbits and felt so guilty about killing them.

I didn't tell anyone because I was so ashamed. I pretended they'd escaped.

I want to confess that I have a raging herion addiction, I have had it since 2001, I must use daily, sometimes two or three times a day, I have tried to kick it so many times; detox, cold turkey, using less every hit, bup, suboxone, naltrexone, any type of 'one, all to no avail. My brother died from a speed overdose and one day I think I will die from a herion overdose. I really don't want to keep using, but I cannot stop.

I've stopped telling people I'm depressed and that I hate my face, body and career because most of them tell me I'm being stupid or have nothing to worry about.

They don't realise that when they say those things, I go home and stare at the bottle of painkillers I've never been able to throw out, because "I might need them one day."

Anonymous at 12:15pm:

Suicide Help Line on 1300 651 251

or

Lifeline on 13 11 14

i think a lot of you could do a lot worse than have a look at this site

www.beyondblue.org.au

I hate the Fremantle Dockers so much... but during sex-play with my girlfriend I get her to choke me with a Dockers scarf while she violates me with a strap-on.

I don't want to be friends with people who have children. I have absolutely no desire to breed and get pissed off when everything becomes about "the baby". People call me selfish for it, but I think people who breed are also just as selfish, particularly those who want a baby so bad that they go through IVF 10 or more times (I know people who have done this - don't you think they'd get the message by the 5th or 6th time?) So fucking what if I haven't experienced "everything" - I know some of them didn't do drugs when they were younger so they haven't done "everything" either. And why do I have to come to you to visit? It's just as difficult for me to go there as it is for you to come to my place. Why can't you talk about anything except how sore your tits are and the form of baby's latest poo?

A friend of mine once said there is a secret war going on between parents and the childless - I agreed. This was 5 or 6 years ago, and I think the situation is worse. Childless workers often working longer hours or weekends as they clearly "have nothing else to do". Or the "You won't know being tired until you've popped out a child" comments. Bleergghhh and sheeeessshh!

Oh shit 4:38 - you just reminded me of a BIGGIE. My wife wants kids soon, I don't. I don't have the guts to tell her. We will end up with kids whether I pipe up or not as I'd hate to break her heart. I am hoping I like having a child once it comes along, but for now I don't want to have to invest my time looking after a helpless being.

I also have a theory that parents won't treat their own children like adults until the children have their own children. It's becoming more noticeable the older I get - I'm now 41 and in certain circumstances I'm treated like a teenager and not in a good way. And how childless siblings are treated... Anon 5:16 - my husband encountered exactly that sort of comment from his sister last week, as if how tired they each were was some sort of competition ("Well, I was up at 4am, so I win!" WTF IS THAT?!)

Anon 5:35 - I guess a vasectomy's out of the question? I don't suppose you could get away with saying, "It was an accident, honey..."

Anon 3:38 - is this Adam Selwood?

I think I'm in love. I just feel physically sick. I don't want to be. And I don't know when it was that I got so fucking scared, or how not to be.

i really like looking at my own cleavage. and i found anon @ 3.38pm's comment terribly hot.

I liked a boy in Year 8 when I was in Year 10. Once, I was standing by myself and he crossed the courtyard and stood next to me, but I couldn't say a word to him. Partly because I liked him, but also because I was slightly scared he liked me back. I always seem to go off guys when I get any (vague)form of reciprocation. Even though he probably just wanted to be my friend. Or not make me look like such a loser.

I turned away from him and began a conversation with a girl I didn't know. And he left.

I was in Year 11 at my local library when I saw him next. He'd had an amazing growth spurt and had gone emo. He turned around and looked at me. I recognised him, did an abrupt turn and walked back up the aisle.

I still wonder about him.

I also have an amazingly intelligent, attractive and witty red-headed friend who sometimes has gripes about her body. But I know numerous people who would happily choose to be in her company over mine.

I read the comment above and hoped that I was that red-headed friend.

The earlier rabbit anecdote, above, just reminded me that I murdered one of my gold fish when I was 8 or 9 because I was sick of cleaning its tank.

I also confess that that's a fairly pissweak confession. Nonetheless, I felt terribly guilty at the time.

I believe that a little MDMA therapy would do wonders for some of the relationships mentioned here - it certainly worked for us - particularly with regard to secrets, fantasies and fears. And I mean therapy in the sense of sitting around talking, not going out clubbing and pretending to make connections.

I'd like to be a nicer person and more considerate, but there's a part of me that always thinks "fuck you" as some sort of defence mechanism.
"Let's face it - people suck."

I'd really like it if there were a big gathering of confessors in real life, and that we didn't have to confess anything but just be in each other's company, have a few drinks and a bit of a chat, aware we're all fucked units on some level; but I suspect that most of the people would be "too cool" to be seen at such an event.

Take the painkillers slut. Your ugly face is not wanted on this planet. Your body and career suck. You are a vacuous whore and we hate you.

anonymous at 9.54am - i hope you're such an angry cunt because you have aids. & if you don't already have aids, i hope you get it. you've really earnt it, fuckface.

Most of my close friends acknowledge I have a "bit of a drinking thing", but I don't think they realise how bad it is, and that there have been whole months where I've not been sober for a single minute.

I sometimes think my partner is in love with the exterior me, and not the me-me-that makes me who I am.

It's now been a year and a half since i met up and slept with someone I had only met online before. I still think about him a lot and wonder what might have happened if i had've had more self control and not actually done the deed, would we have pursued a relationship together? For that reason I wish we hadn't fucked. Even though it was great etc.

My only sexual experience was with a girl who died a week later.

I tell people I am a writer because what I do is too boring to interesting. The problem is I don't like people to read what I have written so I come unstuck then.

I drink too much when I go out and it began to fuck up my life. So I have stopped going out. Now I am fucking bored out of my brain.

I wank too much.

I don't like to Iron my shirts so I use the clothes dryer for five minutes. Climate change is my fault.

I always hated those people who looked back on their relationships and said things like 'I thought I loved her, but really I didn't'. But now I look back and think in the seven years I've been dating different people, I've only ever experienced love once. I hope it wasn't the last time.

My an old friend died last year and going to his funeral was more fun than my regular life. Plus the old women at the wake made some really good sandwiches.p

I am forever waiting for Elizabeth Bennet to walk into my life ...

i look at his myspace dozens of times a day in an attempt to work out what he's doing. she left a message on it and they're both online now. i know she's not interested. i know he loves her. i know i'm third rate but i can't stop looking. i torture myself and i'm a fucking idiot to do so. but i do.

oh yeah, and the whole above confession about myspace (that was me) makes me feel so fucking emo i could cut myself.

I am addicted to this thread. I have made two confessions (both true) and here is another. In the past year I have turned down relationships with two wonderful, attractive, smart, kind people who thought the world of me and treated me like royalty (total keepers, in other words) for the vaguest hope of one with an acquaintance who barely knows I exist. I feel like a fool. I haven't learned from it, either. I'd do it again, a thousand times over.

I sometimes think that I'm still in love with the man who drank his way out of my life.

But I only think that when I'm away from my new man who makes me feel like a million dollars and treats me better than I've ever been treated.

I feel like I'm cheating the nice guy out of being with someone who really would appreciate him. But I'm too selfish to let him go.

Someone I'd like to like is having a birthday on Saturday but I don't know how to wish him a happy birthday without sounding either A) desperate or B) stalkerish. *sigh*

a minimalist happy birthday message should do the trick, shouldn't it? everyone likes to be wished happy birthday, surely.
i confess i've just started taking anti-depressants and i feel like a bit of a failure for doing so.

My first ever kiss was when I was 12. I had a huge crush on the girl, but she was simply into the experimentation. It was in my bed on a sleep over, and if I hadn’t stopped her I don’t know how far we would have gone.

It essentially destroyed our friendship. Even though we stayed “best friends” for years afterwards, it took me ages to get over the rejection, and I never really stopped feeling nervous and intimidated around her. A friend once said she was jealous of us and our comfortable silences. They weren’t comfortable.

None of which is a confession, really. My confession is that I wasn’t there for her when she needed me most. I didn’t quite know how to be, and I was petrified of saying or doing something she disapproved of. She was understandably devastated and furious, and as far as I know she still is to some extent. We don’t talk.

" I feel nothing but contempt for people who eat cashews straight out of the cashew dispensers at Coles." Anon at 10:28 AM

YES !! In the Arab world it would be death by stoning. They should should bring that law in here for those freeloading, dirty fingered cashew thieves!

I feel it is strange that the bad guys in Mighty Ducks 2 were from Iceland. I know they inflicted Bjork on us but apart from that I can't see a bad side to Icelanders.

I also can't believe I confessed that or I admitted to watching that crappy film.

Anon@3:32 - Mighty Ducks is nothing. I confess I like Paulo Nutini. I know he's a 19-yr-old pretty boy, with 19-yr-old pretty boyish songs, and I only like a few of them, but yeah. I like his voice.