Reasons you will hate me

Yay! Many thanks, Ms Fits.

The Monopoly Man, eh? I hadn't thought of him like that, but you make a persuasive argument.

Thanks for your candid thoughts!

x

Just draw on the big moustache and it will all fall into place, Bevis.



Anyhow, at the very least you'll know he'll land on his feet. That Monopoly Man has a sweet set of wheels. AND a top hat.

Not to mention HE'S LOADED!

BTW, the post on my blog entitled "Look What I Made" is the full story of the kid's birth, including the ups and downs of labour.

COMPLETE WITH PICTURES!

(But not the yucky kind.)

I suppose all babies look a bit wrinkled and blotchy when they are newly born, but even so, that is one ugly baby.

*wonders if he'll get unsolicited emails from BEVIS*

hello my dear,
i saw you the other day and you are more beautiful than ever. i wish i had introduced you to the buzzcocks and pulchritude.
rating a newborn baby is a bit rude.

rude. congratulations nonetheless bevis!

It's awfully exciting having a blogger-baby isn't? I think the next challenge should be to get two bloggers to hook up and then we can have a double-blogger baby.

Would you like to rate my ultrasound? It's 12 weeks so you can sort of see stuff.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. An excellent looking sprog - two eyes, ears, one of the other bits that look necessary such as nose, etc, fingers seem in place. Looks good, BEVIS, congrats. I rate this blogbairn a robust 8.5 out of 10.

KRAMER: Yeah, I'll talk to Jerry. Yeah, [Hangs up] . . . you know that was
Michael and Carol. She's wondering when we're going to come over and see
the baby.

JERRY: Oh, see the baby again with the baby..

ELAINE: Who are they?

JERRY: Uh, he's this guy who used to live in the building and they keep calling
us to see the baby.

JERRY: (imitates) Ya' gotta see the babi - When are ya' gonna see the babi...
Can't they just send us a tape?

ELAINE: You know if you waited a few more months it won't be a baby anymore
then you wouldn't have to see it.

JERRY: uh uh because then it would be all grown up.

Number 4 is a bit scary.

I'm not trying to be unnecessarily cruel (which is why I’m not cowering behind an ‘anon’ handle), but you posted the picture wanting your baby rated, and I have to say, that is one terribly ugly baby, even by newborn standards.

Why do people who’ve just bred think that their baby is the most amazing that’s ever been? Oh well. It’ll probably grow up to be less ugly, and if not, looks aren’t everything.

I have to agree with Desci. Its face looks like a fist, or one of the faces at Mt Rushmore.

By the way, there is no way I would post photos on the internet of my new born baby, leaving it open to scrutiny and unpleasant comments such as this one. It's the blogging version of dangling a kid over a bunch of crocodiles.

Bevis should at least wait until his child is old enough to make the choice itself - 'yes, I do want my daddy to post pictures of me in a very public forum where people can judge my appearance and perhaps download me for god knows what kind of purposes.'

I don't want to say 'bad father', but.... does 'wifey' know you are doing this?

If I were Bevis I would take the photos down and ask Marieke to do the same.

WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE (ugly) CHILDREN.

Some people are being incredibly harsh, but then again i'm not sure that i would have wanted my baby rated through the ether.

Congratulations Bevis and Wifey.

Congrats mr and mrs bevis,
Ms Fits,
Is your email freakymisses@yahoo.com?
I've got a ripper baby photo for you of my young offspring flicking the bird just 30 hours out of the womb.
Sneak preview about halfway down this page.
You can pinch the image off the site rather than me send you an email.

Dear Comments,

That is a fucking sweet Child/s you have there BEVIS. The good bonus is that it looks seriously pretty ready for anything, wreaking havoc, just fucking giving it to you (opinion), play with dingle-ball (do childs still do this) etc.

Kind Regards,

#3 is morphing into Alan Jones!

Bevis, I think your baby is really pudgy cute just like my 3 children were as tiniest childs (of course they're now all tall and slim and devastatingly elegant).

I give Sweetums a 10/10! The best baby boy a Bevis could wish for!

And as every parent knows that their baby is the most beautiful baby ever, why shouldn't he hand around the happy snaps?

Thanks Meva and others, but I must clear something up.

If people don't get that the whole request to 'rate my offspring' was made as a joking reference to what has gone before on Ms Fits' blog, then that's their problem. They're just embarrassing themselves.

I never claimed him to be the most beautiful creature in the world, and I'm not expecting anyone to say he is. Opinions are personal, and everyone's welcome to their own.

Now that his baby photos have been posted online, he will join Wifey and myself in being anonymous and mysterious. Baby photos aren't exactly identifiable. I won't be visiting anyone's site to view any doctored pics of him if that's what they choose to do. There are plenty of baby photos on the web if someone wants to do that anyway.

The fact remains that I am simply a proud dad (not of his appearance, but that I have a child at all), and if you think I actually want people to fawn over his looks and am hoping for people to say "10 out of 10" for a kid that's not theirs, then I'd say you haven't been reading Ms Fits' blog very long, much less my own.

That's completely not the kind of person I am, and I know what new parents are sometimes like -- believe me, I'm not like that at all!

Feel free to hate the look of him if you want. And feel free to think he's adorable. I'm not actually hoping you to do either. In a way, this was just an amusing idea between two friends.

I didn't send Ms Fits these pics because I think my child is "the most amazing that’s ever been" (I actually asked Fits to 'rate my offspring' before he was even born, if you didn't read the intro to this post properly), so don't concern yourself for my own self-indulgent delusions. You've got the wrong end of the stick there entirely.

Just laugh a little, shake your head at the crazy-happy father, and smile. It's not worth getting anxious or angry about ... I'm just enjoying fatherhood and don't mind telling everyone about it.

If you think the kid looks foul, that's your business. For the record (and saying this for the first time), I don't agree, but you wouldn't expect me to, now would you.

Just like I don't expect all of you to think he's gorgeous. So just relax, everyone.

x

Hear hear BEVIS. These people have ugly hearts.

A friend of my parents' once wrote a detailed description in The Age about a toddler me peeing my pants and being evicted from restaurant for strutting around in a t shirt, knicker-less.

*feel free to add nothing's changed joke here*

I'd rather have my new born, red mug posted on the internerds than that humiliation.

Especially if Black Wind, Fire & Steel commented on me.

btw, they get cuter. My nephew resembled a mongoloid space creature new born, and is now the handsomest little devil on the playground.

Sorry. I just love babies. Can't help it! I'm a sucker for a chubby cheek!

dear bevis
i think your baby is very beautiful,
and it's great he's healthy too
and with a dad as sweet and funny as you
he is a lucky little feller

where do you live candida?

address?

just kidding. but don't say i didn't offer, bevis. your baby is beautiful and you LOVE LOVE LOVE him.

Yeah go easy on master Bevis. He looks pretty good after a difficult birth.
You c(%ts would look nearly that good if I rammed you through a ten cm drain pipe for 24 hours.

that is basically the best baby ever. Picture 3? When do I get mine?

congrat mr. bevis there.

i'm off now making babies so i can send them in soon.


btw, you do mean picture of the end product, right? not the production process?

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

I don't usually leave comments on this blog defending people who are quite capable of looking after themselves. However:
1. That baby is gorgeous
2. Posting picture's of one's beautiful child on the internet is utterly appropriate for a proud dad and uber-blogger like Bevis
3. I have never met Bevis and I have no idea who he is, but anyone who reads the "look what I made" post on his blog could not possibly think this guy could be a bad father
4. Desci, candida, zorro and anyone else who wants to be a shit about this are entitled to their opinion and can fuck right off any time they like

Bubbies are so loverly. and the best thing about them is not even the way they look, but the way they snuggle and the way they smell.

Hearty congrats to Bevis and Wifey - he looks like a hearty specimen indeed and pulled through pretty damn well considering his first traumatic minutes of life!

Dxxxx

That first one has a horrible deformity on his or her right ear.

Not to mention the inexplicable ponytail.

Hope that worked out for you, and you didn't need painful facial surgery like Desci.

It seems kind of weird to rush to put pictures of your new born baby on a blog.

Five days later is a rush??

Anyway, although I appreciate the support many of you are showing me and my son, please don't let's all turn on Desci or anyone else who commented negatively. I hold no grudge.

The pics were here for 'rating' anyway, and they gave their opinions. And as I said in my comment earlier, they're entitled to their opinions. I simply wanted to point out the inaccuracies in their accusations and the like. Best of luck to them.

I hope they one day have the opportunity (if they haven't already) of seeing a child of their own flesh and blood being born. Maybe then they'll understand what it's like to experience so much pride that you're fit to burst ... and I hope no one judges them harshly or unfairly for however they individually choose to exhibit that pride.

I'll certainly extend them the courtesy of not judging them ... and I hope others will do the same.

But I don't wish for anyone to be attacked - for being pro or con my decision to send Ms Fits these photos - simply for stating their opinion.

Let's all move on and laugh at the Shane Crawford book instead! It's a cracker!

Most babies look like Winston Churchill for a while.

Except Shane Crawford who, ironically, resembled a dick.

Bevis: cheers for clarifying. Tis all good. May your son grow up healthy and happy.

And thanks for not getting hysterical like zzmurgy and I'm not Craig (if I wanted to be a cunt, wouldn't I have gone anon? Some people have problems with comprehension. Shame for them).

Also? 'Ugly heart'? Hilarity.

yay for bevis and wifey!

yay for the cute bub!

yay for the world!

i'm so hungover.

Your son is gorgeous, Bevis. I can be a black-hearted apathetic whore at times, but I think all babies are beautiful. Your entry on his birth was great, too. However, I must say it did make me cross my legs uncomfortably a few times.

Desci: No worries. Peace. It's all good.

La Nadine & Rach: Yay for everybody indeed! And thank you.

Everyone else: Again, my thanks. No matter what you said, really. I hope those who rallied to my defense don't feel like I abandoned them or anything; I just don't want my son (or even this post) to be the subject of any ill-will. I hope you understand. I truly, truly, truly appreciate the fact that so many people 'stood up' for me! My sincerest thanks to you all. :)

Master Bevis is positively gorgeous! I wish I could blow rasberries on those cheeks and... probably draw on the Monopoly Man moustache.....

For a minute I thought I was reading ole Timmy Blair's lynch mob....

I guess we all get what WE want out of blogging. But I sure enjoyed reading Ms Fits and indeed Bevis.... Thanks again to both of you.

Also, if I were ever to breed, you can bet your sweet ass I would be posting pics ALL OVER THE DAMN SHOP!!!!

So much so you would be all going, aw crap do we have to see your child AGAIN DONNA WE HAVE SEEN IT ALREADY 546874354354 TIMES!!! ENOUGH ALREADY !!!

I love that you are so happy and proud Bevvy and that you have honoured us by sharing a little of that with us.

Big hearts to you

TO YOU ALL IN FACT... I LOVE EVERYONE TODAY SO LOOK OUT!!

Dxxxx

Whoa. No more valium for Dxxxx! She even said her real name!

And whilst I'm posting, Bless! to you too Bevis. And congratulations, best of luck (break legs), etc.