Saved by the Balls.
Oh god.
'He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.
We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."
Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond.
"Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."'
YES THERE REALLY IS A SEX TAPE SOMEWHERE OUT THERE FEATURING THIS MAN DOING A DIRTY SANCHEZ:
When on earth will it end, people? Cliff from Cheers? Mona from Who's the Boss? Urkel?
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
408 days til the next election.
p.s.
"You beef with me, I'ma even the score equally - take you on Jerry Springer, and beat your ass legally."
p.p.s.
Comments
perhaps if jeanette made a sex tape margaret would respect her more.
then again, she said she wanted her to do something for the community, not horribly, horribly against us.
p.s. SCREECHY SANCHEZ!
This is pretty much the first sign of the Apocalypse. Screech puts out a sex tape, then plagues of locusts, then the bit with the angels and the seals.
wait, there are seals in the Apocalypse now? What happened to the four horsemen like in The Young Ones?
though i fear we are being wilfully vague, i would quite like to see an apocalypse with seven balanced beach balls, rather than holy symbols...
I think harbingers of doom that could be distracted with a bucket of fish heads is a much safer proposition.
Or you could just spill oil on them.
oh god... "Diamond Nights"
eww
Hey - hi
I'm interested to read more about Seal playing the Apocalypse, is this shit on YouTube or something? Thks for the add!!
Kind Regards,
"TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape."
No.
NOOOO.
Don't even think about putting Screech in the same category as Tommy Lee.
To quote the great man himself...
Dude. That is sauteed in wrong sauce.*
*As said to Storm Large after a particularly poor performance in Rockstar: Supernova. Yes. That was her name.
I don't know which pleases me more about your comment, magical_m. The term 'sauteed in wrong sauce' or its close proximity with the name 'Storm Large'.
I can't choose. They're like my children.
1/ Screech sex tape- OMFG no!
2/ IOYC posting on RYWHM comments- God yes!
3/ Emmanuel Lewis Sex tape? Oddly curious.
thomasr
um, okay, i'll be the one...
what's a "dirty sanchez"?!?!?
tori
(who clearly needs to get out more)
:)
oh dear, Tori. Here you go.
p.s. Apologies.
Hey Tori, you're not alone I had to do a little research first too!
But why oh why would someone think that was ............
don't worry it really doesn't matter.
hello MsFits
Am I really that old?
I have never seen Saved by the Bell, and have no idea who this character is.
He is by no means in the same league as Kid Rock and Tommy Lee. If for no ther reason that he hasn't (to my knowledge) had a piece of Spammy.
And in no way wishing to dispel your Seaworldy fantasies of Armageddon, but the seals I think he refers to are like the old school wax seals that people used to close envelopes with.
Instructions for the destruction of the universe. Let's hope they were translated directly from the chinese. Make you dish of delicious fun catastrophe.
I'm guessing the "Save Screeech's House" Campaign isn't going so well with t-shirt sales
I almost hate to bring this up, but I think Tori Spelling confessed that her first kiss was on-screen with Screech.
Tori Spelling + Screech = a mental image you won't get rid of easily.
ANONYMOUS, SOME OF US ARE EATING AFTERNOON TEA FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
I used to work with a gentleman who looked quite a bit like screech.
This is wrongtown.
Personally, I'd much rather see this:
Now age 29, the 6-foot Diamond is much brawnier than you may remember him. He's a black belt in karate, and, four years ago, he defeated Ron Palillo (Horshack on "Welcome Back, Kotter") on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing 2."
I do hope Horschack only lost for landing a few too many low ones.
oh, and Mark Paul Gosslear (the 'spunk' of the series) and I share a birthday.
jealous?
you know you are...
11 reasons to hate me - http://onyasworld.blogspot.com/
Why oh why didn't I buy a t-shirt:
You might recall that Diamond, better known as Screech Powers on the '90s sitcom "Saved By the Bell," made a few headlines - and presumably a few bucks - when he went public earlier this summer with a suggestion he was about to lose his Port Washington home.
On the same Web site where you can buy a shirt, you can also download free ring tones that have Diamond, a stand-up comic, worrying about, among other things, being homeless or living under a bridge.
"This is Dustin Diamond," goes my favorite one. "Please buy a T-shirt from getdshirts.com. I really don't wanna do porn."
"Saved By The Smell" is so dumb. "Bayside Tri", perhaps? Though Mex's suggestion was very good.
But what I love most about this is that when I saw the picture of Screech on the article on The Age website, I had visions of McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. I will never take Patrick Dempsey seriously again. Though I will give him credit for becoming popular again through more 'mainstream' methods.
Screech:
http://blogs.theage.com.au/trashtalk/archives/dustin_smile.jpg
McDreamy:
http://static.flickr.com/21/24549612_ca486175da_m.jpg
Comments are closed.