Reasons you will hate me

http://www.sleepybrain.net/howard.html

Post it now.

Ahh BBCC (don't mind if I shorten it do you?) - if it's put online and thousands of surly peeps shout abuse at them, well - while initially INCREDIBLY satisfying, the Costello's will change their number and that's that. No, evil fun must be done slowly, deviously, guerilla style.

May I jump into a story again (as I tend to do?)

A guy I used to see (we'll just call him Sideburns) worked in a call centre, and as anyone who has worked in a call centre would know, used to encounter more idiots\arseholes\snotty fuckers than you could poke a big pointy posion-tipped stick at. He confessed to me one night his satisfying revenge schemes.

* While on the phone to Mr\Mrs Twathead, he would scribble their number down on a post it. Usually under the heading "Cunt".
* Coming home from work, he would stop at a public phone booth and dial the number.
* Subtle revenge ensued. For example, one time he rang up a horrible snobbish Mosman mother's house after she'd been particularly vile to him. Her husband picked up, so he asked if she was around and introduced himself as "her new boyfriend, how are you going?". Husbands head exploded.

Is it worth pretending to be Costello's mistress\illegitimate child etc? No wait, that might be too evil. Perhaps posting the number online and opening the floodgates of angry lefty bile is the way to go!

Jess, the abbreviation is just magic. And I think you're right about the phone number. We need to plot and scheme on this one.

You can't get his address as well, can you ms fits?

And while you're at it, see if you can find out if he's circumcised or uncircumcised.

Hey, that kinda thing might come in handy! So to speak!

I know, we have to be smart about it. Although the urge to just yell 'CUNTFUCK!' and hang up is incredibly strong.

Try selling him something random, like an economy without debt. Or call him and say "I really think you should challenge howard NOW"

Call it whenever you're near a public phone booth (rare as they are). Calling a number from a public booth without any money will cause the phone to ring, but upon picking up the call will be disconnected :D

Just ring him up every 10 mins and play a tape of "Hello, this is John Howard. I've taken the unusual step of contacting you with this recorded message..."

Hmmm.

Perhaps we ought to use not just your knowledge of Costello's phone number, Ms Fits, but also other aspects of your life?

IE - Get Bob Ellis to appear on your radio show again, and have him prank call Costello to the amusement of listeners and those of us hopefully getting our paws on an mp3 of it here.

On the other hand, CUNTFUCK does nicely express emotions. It's a conundrum, that's for sure.

Be careful kiddies, he will probably have caller number display.

Ring from a phone booth that is NOT on your way home. Go out of your way to find a booth in another suburb. Like Altona. Oh, is that a real suburb? I thought it was a practical joke.

Steal someone else's mobile phone and make the call.

Sheesh, I almost sound like I've done this kind of thing before....

I have the home address and phone number of Steven Fielding, the Family First almost-senator.

Any more suggestions?

kidnap his kids and feed them to the lesbians.

naah - lesbians have taste. they'd be doughy and bland.

but couldn't all the lesbians just perform some witch magic and make them taste like whatever they feel like? (i suggest tom yum soup. mmmmmmmm)

Give them to lesbians to raise. That'll tasty them up.

Speaking of Costello's kids, did anyone notice his son* on the telly while Costello was jizzing in his pants and giggling to Ray Martin on Channel 9's coverage? The quintessential GPS boy if every I saw one. The private school haircut, smarmy grin - if the camera had panned down, I could almost guarantee the presence of boat shoes. I thought I'd mistakenly stumbled into The Greengate or Mansions in Kings Cross circa 1996 in my grief.

Lure the teenage son out of the house with lesbians, and then... and then...

See it's the actual "creative revenge" part that leaves me stuck.

*Normally I resist commenting on the kids of politicians** since it's hardly their fault their parents are who they are. But Phil Ruddock's daughter set an example - leave the country and do charity work once you've realised what a knob your mother\father is.
**The obvious exception to this are the cuntish Howard kids. And the fat fuck ugly lawyer that married into the family! He had a fucking choice!

Bugger. Just realised no one was talking about Costello's kids, but rather Steven Fielding's kids.

How about sending them a giant barrel of Koolaid and some Nikes. Maybe it'll catch on with their friends.

Cuntface Costello drives a large, un-environmentally friendly four-wheel drive and visits PLC on a weekly basis, usually at about 5pm. Delivering a diatribe to him face to face would be much more satisfyling than calling the bastard, as he could always just slam the phone down.

How about printing up an enormous number of brochures to be circulated through Centrelink offices, giving the numbers as a complaint line?

Zoe: but there isn't anyone in the Centrelink offices to get the fliers because the Howard Government's masterful handling of the Australian economy means that there are no un(under)-employed folk, and no people on welfare because they went bankrupt trying to pay off their massive mortages and 23 credit cards and their kid's exploding HECs debt...it just never happened...

Serenity now...

Write Costello's (or Fielding's) phone number on a piece of cardboard together with an unrealistically low price, put it in the window of a hotted up Monaro (or whatever the kids are into these days), and drive around Thomastown or Sunshine. Only problem is, you have to imagine the ensuing fun.

By the way, you can easily find out where most people live by going here.

Why am I thinking lesbian witches and a voodoo doll made of foreskins?

- dt

because you ate cheese late at night?

PETER COSTELLO: Hello?
MS FITS: Is Mr. Wall there?
PC: No.
MF: Is Mrs. Wall there?
PC: No.
MF: Are there any Walls there at all?
PC: No.
MF: Oh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number, YOU CUNTFUCK!

I passed Malcolm Turnbull in the street yesterday on my way to work... he actually looked sad though so I resisted the urge to bitch slap him

www.blogdownunder.blogspot.com

Television's Kynan Barker, thank you for my first guffaw of the day!

Cuntfuck is really coming of age as a term of abuse, isn't it? Is there any other angry foul-mouth phrase that tops it, I wonder?

i'm surprised no one's suggested the obvious:
go to the men's toilets at hungry jacks onthe corner of bourke and russell and werite very clearly, dial-a-root, [mr costello's phone number]

Mallrat, good to see you've stopped lamenting the breakdown of civility in modern society long enough to post an excellent suggestion.

What do we, as an online blogging community want from ms fits' recent procuration (?) of PC's digits?

1) To embarrass the smug bastard.
2) To embarrass him publicly.
3) To use the word "cuntfuck".

All admirable goals.

An advertisement in the Age with his number, along with a swathe of sexual services that "Cheap Pete- Cuntfuck" is prepared to provide may well achieve all this and more.

It's good that you have access to the contact details of the FF senator, as well as Mr Costello's home number. So good, in fact, that you could safely imply that you have Mr Howards, Mr Reiths, Mr Ruddocks, and Ms Vanstones as well. Being the talented writer that you are, why not concoct some scandalous terrorism-inspired fundraising document?

Put them all up for auction on ebay and let The People Decide!

don't be bitter just because the members you are actually constituents of have no say in government. perhaps move to Higgins and Mr. Costello will start taking your calls to his electorate office.

cheers, bye.