Something I regularly do at the chemist which makes me think I am possibly a bit special.
I had a toothache the other day (I'm better now, DON'T SEND FLOWERS*) and went to the chemist on the corner of St. Georges and Brunswick roads which is often populated by shady ne'er-do-wells who try to steal your dog and when they are caught act like they were just giving her a vigorous pat as she is 'fuckin cool'.
For some completely unknown reason I seem to find myself turning into Julie Andrews every time I pay chemists like this a visit as I don't want them to think I am FLEECING THEM FOR PAINKILLER-TYPE DRUGS IN ORDER TO FEED MY FESTY HABIT.
Witness:
Me: (brightly, enunciating clearly) Hello! How are you?
Chemist: Fine thanks.
Me: Oh, lovely!
Chemist: What can I do for you?
Me: Well, I think my wisdom teeth are coming through and let me tell you they are giving me seventeen types of hell.
Chemist: Right.
Me: So I was wanting something that would make the pain recede somewhat.
Chemist: I see.
Me: (suddenly and loudly) Or I could just gargle with hot water and salt like my mother advised me! Will that do the trick just as well? I mean, It's not like I need pain killers as I am patently a clean-living lady with nice teeth.
Chemist: Well, you could...
Me: (interrupting) I could rub cloves into my gums! That would work too, wouldn't it? Honestly, Mr. Chemist - you and me, we're healthful people of society. We don't require opiate-type substances to make us feel better, do we? (tips wink)
Chemist: I was going to say you could use Naprogesic.
Me: Naprogesic! That would work!
Chemist: It's an anti-inflammatory, so...
Me: Yes. And QUITE, QUITE LEGAL. Which I adore!
And so on, until I gaily danced out the door with bright smiles and firm handshakes all round after making a generous donation in the Lions Club tin.
WHY AM I SO KEEN TO PROVE TO CHEMISTS THAT I AM NOT A JUNKIE?
Is it because I look a little off-kilter due to the way I dress and I wish to prove that I am nice and would not steal their dog? Wtf would my local neighbourhood chemist-man care if I crawled across the floor demanding heroin? It's not like they haven't seen it all before.
I do worry sometimes.
522 days til the next election.
*Or do if you like. I love getting flowers. It cheers me.
Comments
Housie J's wisdoms are giving him hell at the momes too, he is getting some Panadeine Forte from a friend going to the dentist (as he refuses to go) if you need some.
*wink wink*
disclaimer: Panadeine Forte is not a HARD DRUG. MS FITS IS NOT A JUNKIE.
Whilst the pharmacist may well have seen junkies crawling across the floor demanding heroin in their careers as pharmacists to the n'er-do-well dog-stealing types, I sincerely doubt that if you did it, they would be recommending naprogesic as the cure for your "wisdom teeth" pain!
Oh, and Panadeine forte works wonders for wisdom teeth pain, I had some left over from having my tonsils out (i very cleverly talked the surgeon into giving me a WHOLE BIG BOX of it, due to the excruciating pain in my throat, and then proceeded to sleep, without the aid of much in the way of drugs, for two weeks solid. The remainder of that VERY BIG BOX has been used for wisdom teeth/inducing sleep/as something to snort.
Reminds of me of an ex of mine who used to work in a needle exchange. Seems a lot of "diabetics" came in to get needles - at 2am on a Friday night... err right.
i do this too, ms fits. i put it down to a combination of paranoia and an over-developed sense of my own importance.
i once knocked over a make-up display in my eagerness to explain that i didn't take amphetamines to a chemist who gave me what i thought was a suspicious look when i asked for sudafed.
it was just embarrassing for everyone, really.
It doesn't help with all their
"this chemist requires personal identification to dispense Suda-Fed" signs and the like. They are enough to make a girl paranoid.
Before those signs I almost *NEVER* thought about obtaining massive amounts of sudafed, crushing them up, mixing them with some water and molding them into slightly mis-formed "party pills" and selling them for $10 a throw to naive teenagers....although some one else OBVIOUSLY DID.
Realise it is not Friday, but Ms Fits: does this also happen to you:
Doctor: "How are you today?"
You: "fine thanks/not bad/good, how are you?"
Do you think they hear that a lot (followed by "dammit! I mean, I'm actually suffering scurvy/tuberculosis/gout/cankered ears")?
I strongly advise against crawling across the floor* - it tends to ruin one's carefully selected and classy outfit.
*Unless you're a Liberal voter, in which case crawl all you want, it won't do you any damn good, you worm.
ha! worm. i like it as an insult. true, i do.
that chemist would see your bright bright eyes and your healthful glow and be sure to give you the hardest drugs they can. if you could only shake that guilt.
i LOVE how richardwatts turns every comment he makes into a tirade of abuse towards the liberal party. it's a fantastic skill of which i am very envious.
It's not just you - although for me its different settings. When meeting peoples parents - not just girlfriends but *any* friends parents - I'm somehow suddenly english. Upper class english, with a plummy accent and a sense of humour your maiden aunt would find hilarious! Train ticket inspectors? I'm a serious, employed business chap who'd never even CONSIDER hoping on a train without a ticket, even if I do look a little unemployed, what with the old boots, the clippered head (don't ask) and lip ring (also don't ask, it's a temp thing).
Like it or not, appearences make impressions.
I am glad to hear that others feel compelled to do this too. I have always found it incredibly annoying to find myself trying to suck up to pharmacists.
I think that it is a hang over from school, where I always tried to make a good impression on the teachers and other people's parents - unless I found out that they were liberal (or Republican) voters or homophobic, in which case I would suddenly turn upon them in what may have been amusing teenage rage.
pompous nobjockey replaces fat cunt... interesting?
Melly, I noticed that too! Comments Fitz?
maybe you should consider why they have become pharmacists in the first place? keys to the candy cabinet.
like a nerd boy i went to school with who explained exactly why he wanted [and did] become a gynaecologist.
isn't it Holden Street anyway? I don't believe there is a St. Georges & Brunswick Rd corner. people are always saying that. what about old Mr Holden what it was named after? I bet he's well pissed off with you young addicts. old Lord Brunswick was always nabbing his shit.
and seriously, if the old fucker in that particular chemist seriously though anyone who wasn't a junkie was going to shop there, perhaps he'd update the 20 year old faded fucking Gavascon cardboard stomach in the front window.
so very inviting...
A virtual gift for you Ms Fits. It is the biggest bouquet I could find.
Hope they cheer you up.
Love,
Broken Leg.
Dear crankynorthfitzrovian,
No, after Nicholson St (I think? near there anyway), Holden St becomes Brunswick Road.
As usual, Fits is right.
Guess she really is irritating, after all...
love,
crankynorthcarltonian.
Oh goodie ... a blog on the 'best' over-the-counter painkillers a girl can buy!
I wish there had been such a list BEFORE I had my wisdom teeth ripped out by the dentist - at my request can you believe - as they were giving me grief each and every month.
Yep, menstrual wisdom teeth.
Fun fun fun fun fun ...
duk.
Oh, and I like mine with a beer chaser.
Here you go fitz, half a dozen roses,
cheers
oops - forgot the flowers!
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ok - formatting is stuffed (but it's the thought that counts?) :-)
So here's a friday question instead - do you know you have been mentioned in a national mag, and cited by the author as 'my favourite blogger'?
Gee Anonymous, If you are going to send flowers get the link right.
Looks like I'm one up on you when it comes to thoughtful gifts to Ms Fits.
At the risk of u getting a big(ger) head, I find your blog amusingly entertaining, in a gentle sort of way. Hmmm... how do u do these anonymous things again?
Like this.
Toothache?
Just have 'em pulled.
That's what my Aunt Neeny did when she got tired of the whole "Teeth racket." She came home with bruises on her face where the dentist put his foot to get leverage while he yanked every last one of them. aw, Neen.
She washes ziplock bags and hangs them on the line to dry.
When I was an undergraduate the pharmacy students usually looked like the people who didn't belong at the party - then I realised they were there because they had carefully and professionally provided the artsy types with everything they needed. So I wouldn't worry about the pharmacist's opinion of you - they're usually only too happy to help.
(I used Nurofen and bonjela when my wisdom teeth gave me grief, then I had them removed so that I could have pethidine)
"do you know you have been mentioned in a national mag, and cited by the author as 'my favourite blogger'?"
Why can't you just tell us all what this mag is, Anon?
Why can't you just tell us all what this mag is, Anon?
Yeah! Was it me who mentioned her? I don't remember it, but I might have. I can if you want Fitz?
You can buy both Sudafed and No Doz at airport news agents and they don't give you a secodn glance.
Just so you know.
Not anymore Rach – at least not in NSW. Photo ID is required for anything with pseudoeffedrine in it.
oh for fuck's crankynorthcarltonian. Holden St becomes Brunswick Rd when you cross Nicholson St. After travelling along Holden St for quite some distance after leaving the manky old chemist on the corner of HOLDEN ST. & ST. GEORGES RD. and yes, I was yelling. there is no corner of St. Georges and Brunswick Rd. I didn't just go making the point for fun. I've actually got other things to do for that. somewhere. I have too.. you shutup.
so anyway, you stick to your Carlton style geography and I'll stick to mine.
May I add here that to those of us who use heroin, and I do, hypodermic syringes to us are informally known as "fits". Dont know how, its just been that way as long as Ive been in that culture.
Oh and dont be bashful. Rock up to the counter and ask for some Nurofen Plus or Panafen IB.
Preferred brand when broke and sick: it has the highest Codeine of any over-the-counter analgesic, at 12.8 mg per tablet. Except if I can easily obtain any Panadeine forte, much more potent at 30mg Codeine/tablet.
Though to you we look shitfaced when we're out of it, it feels a lot better than it looks that I can personally relate to you. It would but, be a lot better if we did not have prohibition, and if people were less persecutory and condescending to us. Perhaps I grew up in a neighborhood like yours.
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