Stealing someone else's life for blog fodder for a change.
I was going to spend this morning updating last night's Pauly Shore shenanigans, but a) thought I might have a turn at being hypocritically protective of his privacy, and b) wanted to keep you skeedges guessing. Squeeeze the Juuuuiiiiceee, etc.
So. My friend September emailed me this story and I figured it was okay to share it with you since she doesn't have a blog and I think it's funny. Just be certain if you see her and she tells it to you to act like you haven't heard it and that you find her amusing and original and hopefully she'll be none the wiser.
Here is what she sent me:
'anyway, get this shit. working on a data base at the moment. i am using the initial of the first name and the full surname.
i came across a C. Eyes.
i point his name out on the data base to my boss and say:
'sooooo, does this guy have any nicknames?'
'no.'
'are you sure?'
'we just call him craig.'
'that's it?'
'nicknames are for children.'
'ok.''
I don't know why that tickles me but it does, it really does.
562 days til the next election.
Comments
Ms Fits
This might be a bit late for me to submit a Friday Q and A, but what do you think of the Spinstartshere debacle?
Hi Craig. September here. I was just updating our database and was wondering if we might make a time to discuss your account.
How about next Tuesday? Okay, great.
See you next Tuesday.
*hangs up phone*
*boss asks, what's all the giggling about? Giggling is for children.*
re: pauly shore.
WHAT. HAPPENED.
(please)
I agree with shlinki. Pauly Shore. You can't just leave us hanging like that. Did you leave Pauly Shore hanging? Do I have to start a role playing blog where people can act out via posts what they think/hoped happened?
It's a creepy, stalker like idea, but I might just do it.
When my grade 10 social studies class visited a family planning centre, the woman who spoke to us was named Pat Cox. That's only tenuously related to the C. Eyes story, but it was funny at the time.
why don't people with surnames like cock and dick change their names?
i know i would, for sure.
love g.root
especially people with verbs or adjectives as a first name. Like the US swimmer, Misty Hymen. And what were her parents thinking??
Why would anyone change their name FROM cock or dick – great ice breaker. I went to school with an Anus (It's actually a Lebanese name 'Anis' very pretty when pronounced as it’s intended, but being a complete arsehole we soon rectified - or should I say rectumfied). Well not me actually, I didn’t talk to boys at school.
Didn't brave Kylie and Paulie hook up circa BioDome, wouldn't that make you semen sisters (or spit sisters at least).
A reporter on ABC Radio Melbourne:
Jessica Longbottom.
That's funny in a grade 3 kind of way (the best kind of way.)
It's no 'cunt eyes' gav, but it'll do.
p.s. Pauly Shore - WOULDN'T YOU ALL LIKE TO KNOW.
p.p.s. The show was funny.
p.p.p.s. The after-show was funnier
!
Name of my Year Seven 'your changing body: how to put condoms on a banana and a tampon in a glass of water' special guest teacher:
Mary Safe.
no fair, ms fits. your comments are brief enough to warrant a full-scale mental imagery blowout (no pun intended).
i also just realised my original comment was posted at 11.11 this morning. surely this deserves a reward... like, say, further details?
ps i wonder who 'i wonder who?' was. pauly? is that you?
NOT CUNT EYES
i was thinking C. Eyes = Cross'd Eyes.
That's funny.
Isn't it?
[wets self]
I agree, Ms. Fits owes it to her loyal blog readers to let us in on the details. Alternatively I will tune in next Tuesday night to best of the Brat on Melbourne's 3RRR to find out, as I know for a fact she has all the secret keeping ability of a three year old with a slipper receipt the day before mothers' day.
In a little aside, I know of a former military officer who was promoted from the rank of Major to Lt. Colonel after a very brief period of time. The reason? The troops kept smirking when they had to deal with Major Jock Burns.
Be careful. Mr C. Eyes may self-google*. I made fun of the artist Mary Cockburn Mercer and her niece found my blog and told me off. I knew you pronounced it 'Coburn', but she was in an exhibition called 'Moist' (it was of watercolours) and I just couldn't resist. We don't get a lot of opportunities like that with art, after all...
*although he may be more displeased at what else he finds...
I just thought it was C = see. And his middle name might be Withers? Maybe? Long shot.
I'm such an innocent. I didn't realise the joke was about this.
there was a kid at my school called neal downward.
he was very short.
u-huh.
I thought it was c = see as well.
I had a boss named Richard Head once, who introduced himself as "Rich", in some vain attempt to stave off the dark and gruesome OTHER NICKNAME.
and what about the nobs in britain whose surname was 'Peacock' and they called their son Drew.
Click on Buck Fudd's link to the cunt page on Urban dictionary. Hours of fun.
Cunt Duster. I cannot wait for some situations to arise in my life where it will be appropriate to bandy these words around.
My nephew's teacher is Mrs Longcock. She teaches 10yo boys.
Her life must be a living hell.
If you did Pauly Shore you have so gone down in my estimation.
my brother lives in downer in act. we laugh that he resides in the more salubrious part, called affectionately "upper downer."
i also thought the c = see but then with a funny cross twist.
drew peacock. nice.
Okay, so I didn't know who Pauly Shore was. So naturally I looked him up here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauly_Shore
"Currently, Shore has a reality show on TBS titled Minding the Store. The series follows Shore as he takes control of the Comedy Store and attempts to revitalize it. In a CNN article to promote the show in 2005, Shore admitted that he is a recovering sex addict and currently seeing a therapist, and that he allowed some of his therapy sessions to be taped for the show."
In the light of this new information all I can say is,
dear god! In the name of all that is decent, or not, did you tip him over the edge and into the abyss of sexual frenzy and orgiastic nirvana, Fitz? You wicked, Wicked, WickED, WICKEDLY DELIGHTFUL WOMAN.
And by the way, I don't think "protecting his privacy" will cut it, when he's effing well taping his sex therapy sessions for his show!
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