Reasons you will hate me

i love it when dave from legal puts his pencil in my sharpener.

And we're off.


I should've known I could count on you, miss nads.

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Maybe you could diarise an appointment to 'binder' with sellotape?

you can always count on me.


WITH YOUR CALCULATOR!


ok, so that didn't work at all.

NEXT!

i've just been scouring the officeworks catalog to no avail

mild euphemisms about pushing her envelope is all i can do .. or perhaps a good faxing

although the phrase "premium corkboard" does send a shiver down my spine

He took me to Printworks where he embossed both my sides and then finised off formatting by thermal binding me to my coverpage, all the while making sure I was always on the edge of the margin.

??? No? Yes?

*finished

Fuck

That's a YES, stef.



Do you work at Lombards the Paper People perchance?

refill my paper tray?
I'd like to toner ...

Printer? I barely knew her!

Thanks!

No, but as an unemployed Arts grad with a talent for elaborate sexual innuendo I'm sure I'd fit right in. I'll send them an CV.

Office Romance

I offered to give her a ream of my best non-jamming bright white; she offered me letterhead instead.

I then got out my pushpin, I letter opener drawers, I was ready to emboss but alas my H was a B.

She ruled out any further collation.

You're hired. That's right, all of you.

WTF is wrong with me?? Jesus. I fucking misspell the word verification sometimes, you know.

*a

He autoloaded my pacer pencil with his small lead rod. It was 2B a great night.

Anyone for double-sided print job?

I always liked stationary but Officeworks will never look the same again.

Yeah, I pretty much like to ruin things for everybody.

Can't stand it when people misspell stationery, especially those signs in orificeworks. How fkn stupid is a stationery shop that can't spell stationery?????

... I fingered her keyboard and her monitor lit up.

... and because Officeworks also sells computer supplies:

"He jammed his USB device into her willing port, and then proceeded to finger her scroll-wheel at a rapid pace ..."

supplies sex ???

an American, an Australian, and a Japanese guy are shipwrecked on an island. The American asks the Australian to find a good spot for a camp.
He turns to the Japanese guy and says to go into the bush for supplies.
"I'll scout the island and we`ll meet at the camp at dusk," said the captain.
The captain returns to find the Australian has set up camp but the Japanese guy hadn't returned.
The night passes and still there is no sign of him, so they presume him lost or dead. They scout the whole island but can't find him.
They eke out a miserable living on coconuts and lichen for 2 years before they are finally rescued by a passing tanker ship.
Just as they are getting on the ship, the Japanese guy pops out from behind a tree and yells "SUPPLIES!"

um, i felt [her up] textas

that's all i've got

i know it's bad, you don't need to tell me.

Maybe I meant the stationary position, zzymurgy. It's like missionary, only for those who are very very lazy.

All the lines were busy, so she used his dictaphone.




I'll get my coat.

She pushed all the right buttons and a load of my cream paper just came out of the jet printer and went straight into her recycling box.

i faxed her the memo.

*gets coat*

I actually used to work with a girl who had a pink "In" tray. Oh how we laughed, until I was fired for sexual harassment.

aka the starfish position, sublime-ation.

...

I put her through to my extension.

I left a message in her box.

I undertook a complete performance appraisal.

I lent her my pen.

I gave her some sugar.

I had her trained in customer service.

(guess who works in an office)

You people are SICK.














Carry on.

She asked me to courier,
I said I preferred a quick fax

"You're just my TYPE, let's make a SPREADSHEET", said Wanda, in a TONER voice that left no doubt that she would be a HIGHLIGHTER my time here at Queggles and Smythe.

When we were done, I slipped it into her RING BINDER, then gave her a POWERPOINT PRESENTATION.

WORD, I EXCEL at this.

Nothing like a roll between the plastic sheets.
Or maybe getting laminated to a co-worker at the xmas party.
In the old days I enjoyed filling somebody's ink well, but in a paperless office, linking USBs (ugly sex bits) is definitely the way to go.

He put his disk into my hard drive...

OH GOD YES OH GOD GOD DAMN YES DON'T STOP I THINK I'M ABOUT TO

Beep Beep Beep
Toner Low
Please replace Toner Cartridge and press 'Start' to continue

I feel a lot less guilty for trying to convince friends that "blazing the Incan trail" was a euphamism for anal sex. Thanks Fitz!

Welly well the white-out one is abit obvious.

Haha, i do like stapling tho.

[nostalker/]Oh & Fisty, will you be going to the big day out?[nostalker/]

We got together at the office Christmas party last year. It went well for a while before things started to fall apart. It turned out she just wasn’t my typist.


It took me all day to think of that.

it just wasn't working out between us, so i had to eraser. she didn't even bloody bl-INK.

took me all day to work on that one too.

walking tall now.

She asked me to bring the paperwork over. She wanted it safe, so I put it in an envelope for protection. We started interfacing, and one thing led to another. I slid my paperwork into her inbox. She started collating if furiously! Before I knew it, she slowly placed my paperwork into her outbox! I soon spilled my white-out all over her desk. I clocked out after that, and went home to contemplate my filing experience.

Fits - read the green guide again...jesus it really is all about you isn't it?

What a draining way to be.

Yeah, it's good to be alive Anon. And as ever, I appreciate reader 'feedback'.