Reasons you will hate me

GO. It'll be funny.

For us.

Take one for the team! Or more. I'd like the unabridged report. And surely you can see beyond the physical of those people in the photo! They might be great GREAT people who enjoy nothing more than to oil up with strangers and get their Lion King freak on. Call me MUFASA, bitch!

ok I'm done.

Consider it research for your next writing gig.

For some extra pocket money, you can write one of those condescending, snigger-snigger articles you regularly see in the mainstream press about swingers that goes something like this:

* reporter goes to swingers' party
* swingers profess to be normal people who just prefer a bit of variety in their sex life
* swingers express exasperation with mainstream reporting of their hobby.
* reporter observes some of the preliminaries of people getting it on
* one or two people politely ask reporter if they are interested in participating
* but at that point reporter, struck by fit of conscience, makes their excuses and leaves, complete with random snarky remarks about swingers and the emptiness of their lives.

yes

Show up and don't get down and dirty. Just look for entertaining tales.

Go... Take photos... It's been a long time since you've had a boob post...

Go - look, explore, chat and who knows, maybe experience a gorgeous, erotic and memorable event, the memory of which you will treasure always. And if its nasty, dirty and sleazy, you can always leave without having to more than mingle... Either way, it will give you something new to talk about!

Better you than me. You could handle it.

Utterly irrelevant I know, but how do you know the date of the next election?

LICK THEIR ASSES??!!...Yeah sure,why not?

i was going to say: all those pros you can enjoy on a night out with friends. the only point directly relevant to a swingers' party was the one about some of them maybe being hot.

just know this.

none. of. them. will. be. hot.

having said all this, you should go. for real. i've never been to one, and if invited i would like to think i would go. not to lick anyone's arse, but to see what it's like. sociologically you know.

and take a friend, of course. but not a boy cause he'll get a stiffy regardless of how unhot everyone is, and then you'll be in a pickle.

They have pickles? Let's GO!

Yes.

And if you blog/write/talk about it consider the items you may* be able to claim as a tax deduction including:

- condoms
- nitrates
- waxing
- new sexy knickers to replace the ones with the nasty stain
- drugs and alcohol
- therapy etc


*subject to Cozzie approval

go! as Fluffy, Rob M, richardwatts and everyone else is saying, it'll be a great experience... for all the vouyers that we so unashamedly are. It's exactly this kind of thing for which so many people are looking for =)

there's a fifty percent chance they'll be JWH voters. do you really want that to touch you?

I totally had the chance to attend such an event on new years eve.

Although, I did not attend - a friend of mine did attend with her husband (she's a full on swinger, but likes to 'get to know people first')

She advised me of the following:

- Food was supplied in the form of a BBQ. *tries not to giggle about sausages*

- Alcohol was limited, so pretty much a BYO but house rules are you can't drink anyone's alcohol without asking. Who knew they'd be such a touchy mob. *tries not to giggle about being touchy*

- They had a orgy room - one girl was tied to the bed and well...you get where i'm going with this.

- You can choose to be a 'watcher' and not participate.

- 65% of the people were ugly and/or a little overweight.

- Clothing at all times is optional, but it's suggested 'first timers' bring a robe/dressing gown to 'party' in.

I think you should go and be a 'watcher'. Although, watching fat ugly people fuck in their dressing gowns seems a little passé to me, but the recount of it in your words would be hilarious.

mska

It would be wrong to go, check everyone out, and then leave if they don't pass the "hot" quota wouldn't it?

Then again, who gives a shit. Go - and give us all the gory details

btw - how does one get an invite to such an event? Mayhaps mine is lost in the mail?

DON'T listen to anonymous.

DO listen to Fluffy. She knows stuff.

So enough about you already, more to the motherfucking point why am I not ever invited to any swingers parties, given that I am 65% ugly and/or a little overweight?*

Is it because I don't own a robe?

xoxo nora
*i.e. 35% foxy

Rather important con:

The sight of hirsute, overweight, Liberal (Make that National) voters may burn itself in to your memory banks and become an unwanted visitor that you can't shake during your future sexual encounters rendering your libido non-existant.

Just saying.

What's the point of being the littlest ho onless you can get grubby at a root fest?

You go girl, and let us know the details.

What's the point of being the skanky ho unless you can get all grubby at a root fest!!

You go girl, and let us know the details.

Cliff, what's the difference between being the littlest Ho, and the Skanky Ho?

Nice new 3X wax can be admired by group of charmed onlookers. Up close.

as i recall, that already happened.

then again, december is a bit of a blurr still.

Been there and done that (though not for myself and that is ALWAYS WRONG!).

Go and observe, and get what YOU want, if you WANT it.

Damn RANDOM capslocking

.... or perhaps it's the damn random COCKSLAPPING that has Fits worried!

Fits ... the place will be full of perverts, weirdos, freaks, trannies, losers, psychos, Peter Costello lookalikes and assorted Liberal voters who like wearing plastic bags on their heads during sex ....

Of COURSE you should go!

Oh, and I think you've answered my question about waxing. Thanks! xx

Went to the Couples Club in sydney one night. We had a bit of a grope and a finger f..k with some stranges. Got blown by a librarian type and perved at 20-30 year olds who were a bit braver than us. The spa and shower were very pervy.. So not so hot on teh night but lost of visual memories that i'll never forget.

hope you dont mind if I post anon ;-)

Wow. You go away to the beach for a day and look at all the beautiful sick fucks who leave comments.

I love you guys. Really. In a sticky, get-it-off-me kind of way.

My hairdresser swears by them. Reckons they've got a bad name over the years that they just don't deserve.
For my part, I'd suggest watching Eating Raoul before going.

then again, december is a bit of a blurr still.

Touché, Nads, touché. I think I recall a story about a train and then a toe sweeping through the water and...

*represses*

If girls who have pashed the same boys are spit sisters and shagged the same guys are cunt buddies, what do you call femme fatales with a toe in common?

*rocks back and forth*

PS: Go and watch. Join in if their hot, make furious mental notes if they're not. Report all. Yes, your readers are spot on.

PPS: Do you have to get "cleared" by some sort of panel in order to attend such a shindig (ie: crabs check, herpes spotting etc)? Or are you meant to ask potential partners their nether region history yourself? Cos surely you could throw in a question about who they voted at the last election before you let them put anything anywhere = SORTED.

"their" = "they're"

Fucking shoot me, I am still a complete messamie with a hangover at 6 in the evening.

I'M DONE WITH THIS POST NOW AND WILL STOP COMMENTING.

*flounces out, slamming virtual door*

go. involve yourself if you're toe-ier than a roman sandal, but be happy to observe. wtf is big brother compared to this??? you *know* the ugly suburban wastrels will root!

do it for a fellow gemini and let your colder/wackier/braver persona win

despite losing my virginity in a threesome (theatre twats, natch), i have never gotten this close to the vaunted 'swingers party'.

tell all.

but not before teeing up some sort of a commission deal/finders fee with adultfriendfinder.com.au...

Don't do it fits.

I've known several people who have attended swing parties. They all enjoyed it at the time, but really regretted it down the track.

First hand experience, fits. You've been warned!

Go, take photos, and send them to this bloke.
You know you want to Ms Fits.

Go to a good swish one...don't go down the docks with the fat wharfies. Pick and choose your moments.

GO. But please, I beg you, wear a vinyl burqa and plead herpes.

A few film festivals ago, there was a documentary on swingers called "The Lifestyle".

One viewing should put you off swinging forever. It'll come close to putting you off sex forever.

It might have had something to do with the fact that the average participant age was nudging at least 65 or so. However, there was one woman around 30 who had been convinced to come along with her older partner. Ohhhh boy. They descended on her faster than a buffet table peach cobbler at a retirement home. Watching her mobbed by a droop-shouldered pack of 60-70 year old guys with semi-erect cocks was about as sexy as the average mass bonobo rutting session in a Diane Goodall special.

I'm not trying to dismiss the fact that septegenarians have carnal urges, but I'm not sure you want to see it in action. The sight of a great-grandmother in a sex swing is not something that will ever leave you once burnt into the retinas. Maybe your soiree guests will be a little less ancient than the subjects of this piece, but I still doubt that it will be an Eyes Wide Shut "Fidelio" style glamfest.

But what do I know? And playing amateur psychologist, I'd say you've probably made your mind up to go already.

Hey Buck Fudd!

I have a thing for heavily draped, anonymous herpetics.

That's why I'm Anonymous.

You're all talk fits.

Cynic, in my experience of these things most of the participants will be well left of centre, politically speaking.

As an uptight nerd who's married I never have any trouble simply finding a spot by the fire, sipping on a beer or three, and enjoying the random atmosphere, occasional hit-ons, and random milkshake sessions that spring up out of the spa.

But I go to very laid back (rather than very laid) parties.

Why am I not surprised that such a post has attracted so many comments?

:)

I ain't giving an opinion either way, Ms Fits - but if you do go, look after yourself.

I think David Heidelberg has a point, though. Once that stuff's in your mind, you can't take it out again.

Same goes for toes. (Only not in your mind.)

I'll clarify, I meant to give useful advice but failed.

There are two types of these things:

1) orgies

2) uninhibited parties, where people may have sex, or walk around naked, or simply eat canapes and chat about how when flares came back we all said at least the same will never be true of mullets etc.

I've never seen the former, and I think you would be under 'pressure' at such an event, so it could be a bit awkward if you took a look round and wanted to keep your gear on.

The latter occur regularly through the northern suburbs of Melba, are fun, and usually see only a minority of party goers actually jumping into the action.

You'd have nothing to lose by going to the latter.

And lots to post about...

I know* people who go to these.

not pretty, some are fat, ugly but you get the occasional hottie.

Could you handle having sex with WEIRD LOOKING BALLS??

i suggest you go for the hilarious stories to tell your kids and bug out of the sex. UNless you want the "you were conceived whilst 8 people watched and masturbated" story.

oh and by the way my keys are to the ones to the 86 Gemini...don't be a stranger.

Out of context/ place Q&A for Ms Fits:

Are you the gatekeeper? I mean, are you the Slutty Train PA Lady?

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17799630-13762,00.html

Suckas gots ta know!

$BDW$

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Swingers parties are like bars.

Some are grotty places full of old, boring, seedy, overweight bogans.

Some are high class joints full of young, interesting, educated, sexy adventurers.

If the one you're invited to falls into the first category you should just watch for a while, make copious mental notes for blogging purposes, drink whatever booze you can score for free, then make up some excuse and leave.

If, however, you get lucky and it falls into the second category you can expect to have a fun night, meet some intriguing people, rack up some great stories to tell, and score some good drugs. There will also probably be some hot, good-looking bi-girl action.

Either way, you should have a good idea about what to expect based on:

(a) the type of person who invited you to the party, and

(b) your first impressions when you walk in the door.

Good luck, and as my best friend would say "keep yourself nice"!

BDW - I too had a suspicion that the X-rated PA lady would be a blogger... I reckon MsFits would fit the bill perfectly...

I like to swing, but on my sex swing. It's opened up (so to speak) a lot of new sex positions. Good orgasmic fun!