Reasons You Will Hate Me

42 comments

Thanks but no thanks.

Recently I have been spending some not unhappy hours perusing the delights of adult matchmaker.com. Lest you for a moment believe that I'm hard up for bedroom action (shame on you), this has been purely an exercise in researching the swinging community. No, really.

But more on my swinging adventures at a later date.

The thing that's struck me about many of the folk advertising themselves on the site is not necessarily the crude monikers they choose - STIFFY500, or FUKUGUD, or other such things that belong on the numberplate of a Fiat - but the fact that they can't fucking spell to save their lives.

Are spelling and grammar not as important to those looking to score cheap sex? Should they be? Would you bypass a potential hot fuck just because someone described themselves as 'instreting!'?

I can honestly say that poor spelling, wrtng n txt 4rm, the inclusion of the term LOL and an overuse!!! of exclamation marks!!!! are all determining factors in my hunt for the fucky fuck. If you want me to stay far away from your penis/vagina, please send me a text saying: 'MEAT UP 4 SX L8R?? OR IZ IT 2 LONG 2 WAIT, LOL!!!!! ;)!!!!'

Failing that, you could just wave the red flag by showcasing yourself like the following people:

'Easy going married couple, adventureous, always spicing up a spicie life. Both attractive,very sexy, she is an exibitionist, a great dancer. Love dinning-out, playing pool, partying, night clubbing or just chilling out !!'

New rule: you are forbidden from describing yourself as either adventurous or an exhibitionist if you cannot spell these two words.

You will also be dinning on your own, dumbass.

'she is totally bi - loves the girl girl girl male interaction aswell !!!! Any group of girls wanting to get away for the weekend this is a great place for action !!!! There was so much girl power here,I turned myself inside out !!!!! He -never steps over the line if your gay he won't touch !!!

If you're gay, you're.

Also, I have decided that frantic use of exclamation marks denotes a potential premature ejaculator.

'greetings fellow sexuals...
so us....
we are both non-game players and know wot we want and know wot to avoid.

HIM:
28yo bi male, avg build, good looks, extrovert, intuitive, intelligent, confident, honest and upfront. (mild mannered printer by day/durdee porn merchant by night - cept no undies in or outside of pants)...'

I'll spare you HER. Rest assured she is also 'durdee' and knows wot she wants.

'Good looking couple ready to party up and have some fun with right people. Must be discreat and not pushy. We love a good time on the town and meeting different people. We are a married couple open and very happy at home just looking for a little more fun and adventure.'

This was a fucking common one. Of ALL THE WORDS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SPELL ON ADULTMATCHMAKER.COM, DISCREET IS NOT THAT FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Jesus christ. Do you think they can spell 'affair'? Do you think they can spell 'sex'? Do you think they can spell 'no fucking way am I going anywhere near your genitals?'

'we r a geniune couple and we r only looking for geniune people
and we only play together so dont ask us to play apart
he does not always have to plap but must be there and the same goes for him'

Sorry. I only plap one-on-one.

693 days til the next election.

42 comments.

Comments

16Nov13:32

Anonymous said...

As it happens, words collided for me yesterday and I unwittingly discovered that my 40-something boss and his wife are swingers. Not only that, they're shagging my 60-something neighbours.

*shudders*
*vomits*
*assumes the foetal position*

16Nov13:35

ms fits said...

You've only got one choice, anon. Get involved.

Provided, of course, that your boss and his wife can spell.

16Nov13:38

Anonymous said...

I was just amazed.

Where did all these people desperately wanting sex come from?

Where are they when I'm at the pub?

16Nov13:42

Anonymous said...

Involved? No thanks.

He can spell, but he can't write. Get my drift?

16Nov13:54

brett said...

http://www.mathsci.appstate.edu/~sjg/futurama/discrete.jpg

16Nov13:56

ms fits said...

Yes, but not 'discreat'. Or 'discret'. Or any number of interesting variations.

16Nov14:08

Magical_M said...

"he does not always have to plap"

I may be a little ignorant, but what the hell does plap mean?

Is it that their spelling is so inadequate they can't even spell play correctly?

Or does it mean something else?

Either way, I wouldn't touch either of them.

Good writing (including good spelling and grammar) is what turns me on.

16Nov14:14

Buck Fudd said...

"Good-looking couple" ar cleerly Chaucer scholars, nought layzey, indiscreat twots.

http://www.spellingsociety.org/journals/j29/howspelled.php

16Nov14:18

Anonymous said...

Even if you change it to play, I'm still confused:
"he does not always have to play but must be there and the same goes for him"

So: she will 'play', he might not (though does have to be there) and the same goes for ... who?

Is this a threesome wanting to hook up with another couple?

So Fits, you'd have sex with them if they spelt correctly?
Fucking hell, and I thought not interviewing at share-houses that spell their ad on the Readings' window incorrectly made me anal!

16Nov14:27

Scott I said...

What?..You've never heard of plapping?
..Thats one of the first things I learned about when I got a hot glue gun.

16Nov14:27

Anonymous said...

Are these the same people fucking with the names of their kids?
Catelyn, Caitlyn, Caitlin, Caitlan, Katelyn, Kaitlyn, Kaitlin

16Nov14:31

ms fits said...

Either way I wouldn't let my kids plap with their kids. Grubby little fuckers.

16Nov14:56

Hooch said...

I rather enjoyed the colliding words.

Rather made my afternoon.

16Nov15:06

Anonymous said...

This is very strange coming from someone of your political orientation. Has it ever occurred to you that correct spelling and grammar are actually pretty good predictors of class? For my part I prefer not to hold a person’s level of education against them, but then I went to an under funded government high school with lots of migrant kids who were struggling to speak grammatically, much less spell correctly. I wonder which school you went to, Fits?

16Nov15:12

ms fits said...

I went to two schools. One of them was a private school. The other one was an 'under funded government high school with lots of migrant kids who were struggling to speak grammatically, much less spell correctly'.

Lots of kids at my first school couldn't spell for shit. Lots of people on adultmatchmaker.com are upwardly mobile professionals.

But yeah, you're right. I'm all about screwing upper class only. They have butlers and stuff.

16Nov15:20

Buck Fudd said...

Has it ever occurred to you, anonymous, that correct spelling and grammar (as well as punctuating properly and correcting typos) are actually pretty good predictors of intelligence, attentiveness and clarity of thinking?

I only completed year 11 at a country high school and my dad swept gutters and filled potholes for a living. So my spelling or grammar aren't good to predict my class and that, are they?

16Nov15:28

Bella said...

Hey there - nice to read you.

Try redhotpie.com.au too. A site I have recently had a lot of fun with.

Meeting him Saturday.

Excited!

16Nov15:48

ka said...

My mate* has an account on this, and occasionally we check it out.

Note to the ladies on there....your cervix is not attractive, please don't open it up for all to see.

I don't know much but i'm pretty sure your bits aren't meant to look like a deflated bike tyre.

Its remarkable how many people on there come from Shepparton and its surrounds... i think there's something in that- country people are hornier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just ruined my suit pants.

16Nov17:27

Anonymous said...

I met my lovely boyfriend (of 20 months) online. I so was attracted by his fine spelling and vocabulary that I forgot to read between the lines and just assumed that 'open minded' meant, well, open minded and not 'sexually peverted' but that's another story.
Anyone who is too lazy to proofread their own profile (or even freaking spellcheck it) goes to the bottom of my list.

And Anonymous, bad spelling is a sign of lack of attention to detail and laziness - pick up a freaking dictionary! Or maybe the fact that I check my spelling is just because I'm struggling to escape from my working class roots? Want to see some job applications I have received from well educated Private school students? Miss O.

16Nov18:11

Anonymous said...

Are you really denying that a person’s ability to spell correctly and write grammatically is frequently related to their level of education, and that educational achievement is class related? OK, so there are many exceptions. But what does that prove? If you talk about indigenous disadvantage conservatives love to point to the exceptions, as though the existence of Cathy Freeman and Deb Mailman proves that the rest aren’t trying hard enough. Is this what you are saying about migrants or economically disadvantaged people who spell badly and write ungrammatically?

Anyway, what is this fetishisation of “correct” spelling really about? It strikes me as archly conservative. English spelling is idiosyncratic, irrational, and the norm varies from one place to another anyway. Think about what you are defending, and why you feel so strongly about it.

16Nov18:30

Anonymous said...

You're right, Anonymous. I do have a fetish for correct grammar usage and gosh, your immaculate sentences and articulate arguments are getting me HOT!!!
Meat 4 SX L8r?

16Nov19:33

Bella said...

When I was 'shopping', I have to admit that the guys who could spell were far more attractive to me. Being a book worm, I found it frustrating that these good looking sexed up people could not spell or chose to use the spelling I refused to use in year 9.

16Nov21:03

Anonymous said...

I have had a history of agony and disgrace on these sites. I was signed up to RSVP, but I only ever met one person from it (she talked all through the movie.)

On Adultfriendfinder, a woman contacted me, but it never went anywhere.

Adultmatchmaker was a complete debacle and redhotpie has been no better for me.

Also take note that a lot of women on redhotpie are men and the photos are stolen from the web.

Pah! It's cheaper just to hire the services of a prostitute a couple of times a year as needed (If I'm lucky!)

17Nov09:09

fluffy said...

If someone texted me with "MEAT U L8R" I wouldn't know whether to be excited or appalled.

17Nov09:43

Anonymous said...

agree with anonymous above, an ex of mine used photos of me as well as photoshopped images from international amateur sites, and frequently assumes both M & F roles as the 'couple' he masquerades as. I really don't see the point, having wasted a few hours getting turned off by inane 'what r u doing' chat with illiterate bogans from the 'burbs.

Hate the bad spelling; hate the photos of tacky domestic interiors, of Freedom furniture, Copperart ornaments, and cheap prints of Tahiti on the walls. Depressing.

The poor lonely chicks looking for the love of a decent man on RSVP should realise that they aren't getting any responses because the fellers are too busy on AMM.

17Nov10:09

Michelle said...

Ms Fits THANK YOU! (notice only one exclamation mark)

I too am sick and tired of having to deal with appalling spelling and grammar. Forget earthquakes, tsunamis or wars - poor spelling is the true indicator of coming anarchy. Do people not realise that our ability to communicate by following rules is the only thing that separates us from the animals?? It is just another sign that we are living in the "lazy generation". Come on people show me a little respect by at least trying to communicate with me in an intelligent manner.

PHEW..this frustration has been building in me for years and your post just inspired me to get it off my chest.

17Nov11:19

Shane Warne said...

I self-googled and found myself here. C U Soon!

17Nov11:28

thr said...

the sort of people yew meat are like this:;
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,69576,00.html

noice wun

17Nov11:59

sublime-ation said...

At least Ms Fits is right when she corrects other people's grammar (unlike some people)...
I think she's pointing to a change in the way in which people write now, that has more to do with pointing out the dumbing down of society than a classist attack.
Many of the greatest speakers and writers are self-educated, from working class backgrounds. Look at Malcolm X, he began by reading the dictionary from A-Z in jail and became one of the most articulate speakers of all time.
That said, what can you expect from adultmatchmaker.com?

17Nov12:10

Disappearing Boy said...

Oh god ... finding your boss and his butt fugly wife on AMM has GOT to be one hell of a nauseating experience, doubly so if they're porking "old Grizzly and the Missus" from next door ! I feel your pain, anon.

Speaking of nauseating, it's shameless plug time -

http://www.petermolak.com/blog/main/2005/11/16/its-that-time-again/

Trying to organise a Sydney blogger meetup to coincide with the December 4th (Sydney) auditions for BB06. Hoping to raise the IQ (and correct grammar) quotient of potential housemates as a result.

If anyone's interested, drop us a line ...

17Nov23:00

Sherriff said...

Bella said...

Hey there - nice to read you.

Try redhotpie.com.au too. A site I have recently had a lot of fun with.

Meeting him Saturday.

Excited!

************

Ummm, Bella? Please comment on Sunday so we know you're ok...ok?

18Nov00:16

Grant Edmunds said...

fuk yes

hahaha

luv grant

18Nov10:24

Online Wong PoKér Hu said...

Why don't you give the internet nerds some example advertisements then ;-P

19Nov02:22

Anonymous said...

i used to work at a dating agency. adultmatchmaker took away a lot of my customers. i had business cards that said "find love now, ask me how" on them, with love me in a big red heart. it was the best job i ever had.

19Nov04:17

Catherine said...

Whoever would've thought that Ms Fits = Lynne Truss?

19Nov22:33

Anonymous said...

20Nov02:09

Anonymous said...

21Nov03:10

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22Nov02:56

Anonymous said...

hmmmmm.....

apart from all the belgio-french porn links (ah, well, look - let's not be too hasty...), i think i've fallen for both u and ur commentors (such a word? i care not). life is such a "dilemna" (yes...? surely...); not to be resolved through meaningless sexual engagement "netime soon" - i wouldn't imagine.

22Nov04:06

Anonymous said...

23Nov03:15

Anonymous said...

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