The Hard Questions.
Last week I was invited to speak at an RMIT Screenwriting class as I am considered something of an expert when it comes to speaking/sitting around eating free Mentos. There were two other people onstage with me and over the course of two hours we covered such fascinating topics as:
- how to make a low-rating Australian drama series that is screened at 10:30pm
- our favourite Neighbours moment
- the impressively deep and provocative short film Jewboy
- Mentos
We also span a wheel and guessed tv themes and talked about who would win a fight between Daryl Somers and Todd McKenney (my esteemed colleague Peter Mattessi chose Daryl, asserting seriously 'because that man would fight dirty'). There was a q and a session at the end and then we all clapped. It was, overall, a lovely afternoon.
When we were packing up our Mentos and pieces of paper, a beautiful and serious-looking girl made a beeline towards me.
'Excuse me' she said, 'But can I ask you a question?'
I put on my most serious of writerly faces and nodded. She would most surely be wanting to know more about my long and illustrious career as a pigtailed child star or the time I got to sing Care for Kids on Young Talent Time with Johnny Young and 'The Team'.
She leaned in closely.
'Do you do your brows?'
I frowned.
'Sorry?'
'Your brows. Do you get your brows done?'
'Ah - yeah.'
'Where?'
'In Westgarth.'
'How much?'
'I, ah - I'm not sure. I get my 'other area' done as well, and just pay for the whole thing in one go.'
She seemed relieved.
'Right. Because, you know, you were up there talking and I just couldn't stop looking at your brows. I couldn't concentrate on what you were saying.'
'Oh.'
She smiled, pleased that we had been able to have this talk.
'It's just such a relief, you know - I mean, looking at you, I realised you don't have to just let yourself go because you're writing from home and no-one sees you.'
I have been complimented on a vagina wax before, but never brows. My brows seem entirely unremarkable.
Still, it's nice to know I haven't wholly let myself go. Watch and learn, people.
550 days til the next election.
Comments
Right. So this means that just because I am working from home I still need to get out of my grey tracky dacks with matching grey singlet ensemble ... damn. And possibly shave. Or at least have a shower.
I'll do all that after Dr Phil.
After Dr Phil
I think I just lost my blog crush.
If, on the other hand, it was Jerry...
oh, and brows "frame the face" (or so I'm told). You can't underestimate the importance of good brow.
Elaine, I like the fact the the tracksuit pants and slight personal hygeine issues are not even worthy of a mention, but Dr Phil is an issue.
Please tell me where you get your brows done, I had a terrible job done to me, and need to find a wonderful waxer.
*books brow wax*
*returns to "home office"*
*considers showering*
"span"? Ooh, and thanks Tt, I forgot Dr Phil was on (that put you up in my estimation...)
See, I always thought the appeal of writing from home was the option to let yourself go. Drink heavily and get all Brando-plays-the-island-of-dr-moreau-esque. But people still want you because you sing to their hearts with your lyrical prose, even though you're so fucking jaded by now that it's just another job and you have idle daydreams where you imagine putting on a suit and helping people with tax forms – you know, REALLY connecting one-on-one the way writing for a mass audience never allows.
Or something like that.
It's like you can see inside my soul, Dr Nic.
I've never had anything waxed*.
And I am still in my nightie and dressing gown which has spilt milo on it which I haven't bothered to wash off.
And I just got out of bed.
I think I may have officially 'let myself go'.
RMIT girl is right, it's hard being a writer. Well done Fits for the maintenance.
*Look, I'm fair and have a low pain threshold and I do my own damn eyebrows alright?
Do you think that's how Howard keeps geting re-elected? People don't actually listen as they're facinated by his brows?...If he got them 'done'
would he lose all his powers to deceive?...By the way,how do they wax an eyebrow without taking the whole thing off?
TOBYtoby, hygeine schmygeine, it's only a matter of showering (or not). As long as you don't stink, who cares if you've showered (or not)?
Oh god, all you people are going to think I never shower, aren't you?
Well, I quite like your brows, but I can't say I pay them too much attention, as the rest of the package is so distracting.
I work from home (mostly), and I've not owned a pair of trackie dacks for some years. Like twenty. But I don't shave everyday.
Hi there. I'm Rob. First time commenter, long time blog lurker.
Ok, I get the jist that you were the person responsible for writing the Last Man Standing series yeah?
If so, frikin well stand up and be proud 'cause I loved that show, and am pissed off that they canned it.
It was one of a few shows I watched when it was on, and sure as hell is missed in my household, as now there's about all of stuff all shows that speak to me.
Looking forward to the next lot of stuff form you.
Of course if you didn't write it. Please ignore..
Cheers
RobP
Did you know those miners got out today? Maybe your show got cancelled because all the people who wanted to watch it were trapped 1km underground. I wonder where the miners get their brows done.
Actually, there's a point – a friend and I had a longstanding debate over whether you were somehow responsible (via a shady network of writers cliques and secret eyebrow raises) for the use of the term "wide on" to denote female sexual arousal in "The Cooks". Any comment?
hmm..'something of an expert when it comes to speaking/sitting around eating free Mentos.'
sounds like me too.. except, I dun know why I drank all the water whenever I am on stage.. even when I am not speaking, I just got thirsty looking at my co-speakers.
Of course, I dun have the brows of yours
Hmmm, well, I thought about complimenting you on both wax jobs but thought it terribly inappropriate...
having never seen either of them :)
Ms Fits - enquiring minds want to know - can you raise one eyebrow independently of the other in an arch, sultry yet beguiling manner? If yes, I'm A) wildly jealous, and B) wonder if you could teach me how?
1. I did not invent the term 'wide on'.
2. I was partially 'responsible' for LMS.
3. I cannot raise one eyebrow in a sultry arch.
4. ARE THESE NOT FRIDAY QUESTIONS.
what is a solitary mentos?
is it a mento?
What, so now questions can ONLY happen on a Friday?! Sheesh – talk about Leftism in action!
PS: v. disappointed about "wide on". I had high hopes.
I think I saw the phrase "wide on" in a Picture magazine about 15 years ago.
They have such a way with words.
I think I heard it somewhere like that too, tex. God bless Picture magazine.
p.s. questions may be asked at any time. I was just briefly being a shouty cunt.
i dont think she was that interested in your eyebrows. smells like a wanna-be writer networking opportunity...
i['d like to meet you, msfits. i've never seen (and i've seen plenty) a hairy vagina. it's mucous membrane all the way (scientician, help me out here).what's with the vagina wax?
reminds me of the first time i got my brows done - the brow-doer stood back, hands on hips, and said, with a certain amount of gusto - "fuck, i love doing eyebrows. 15 buck facial". it felt good, but i couldn't help feeling she was being a trifle unprofessional...
Ok, cool. Statements only.
Re. 'Partially', I realize the piano accordion that is TV series development is such that, yeah, you don't really get what you wrote on screen unless whatever deity you believe in smiles on you (or blinks). But as previously stated, I loved the LMS series as was pissed off on axing. I'd sit down with wine and enjoy it like a voyeur looking at my friends lives.
Man that sounds sad reading that back, but there it is.
Just trying to encourage.
Looking forward to the next stuff.
Cheers
RobP
So my nan was right, good grooming will get you everywhere.
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