The Laws of Gayness.
This is, brilliantly, too much.
John Laws just doesn't 'do' gay, does he? Not if his recent outbursts regarding Queer Eye's Carson Kressley attending the racing carnival are anything to go by.
You will love, love, love this. Here is the first bit to get excited about:
'Who is this pompous little pansy prig who's strutting around everywhere telling Australian blokes how to wear their pocket square? As he called it. That's poof speak for handkerchief...Who is he? He might be famous in certain circles, circles being the operative word, we know where they are.'
There is too much to love about this. Firstly, that someone is still actually using the word 'pansy' outside of a 1960's Carry On movie starring Kenneth Williams and a bosomy wench. Secondly, that what really gets John's goat is that someone dares to tell us how to wear our handkerchiefs . For fucking shame! The horror! And thirdly, the coy little anal reference at the end. That's what he's paid the big bucks for. Masterful.
The second bit is just as perfect, and you need to imagine JL's best Valvoline voice when you read it. He seemed to have some issues with Carson being 'allowed' to judge the birds in the Fashions on the Field. Pay attention now:
'He was judging girls, now what the hell does a pillow biter know about judging girls? They should have had a few truckies down there, or me...fair-dinkum Aussie blokes judging fair-dinkum Aussie girls. Not this pompous little pansy.'
There! He said pansy again. And he dug out the Don's Party-esque term 'pillow biter'. He's a gem and I want to stick my tongue in his crusty ear. Also I like that he threw in that perhaps he should be allowed to judge instead of FUCKING FAGGOTY DONUT-PUNCHING QUEEAHS. ME, I WANT TO JUDGE THE BITCHES. ME, JOHN LAWS! ME, ME, ME!
Beautiful.
8 days til Gabi comes home.
1068 days til the next election.
Comments
I wish it had been alan jones instead.
for reasons that are obvious.
Recently Lawsie called Alan Jones a "vicious little tart", which was pure comedy gold.
John Laws, stay away from the Melbourne Cup. If we need to get a quee-yah frohm Noo Yawk to judged the frocked-up fillies, then so be it.
Just suck it up and get back to work.
So Diana Elgar, you are also the thought police of our society.
I must remember to ask you permission next time I open my mouth. You seem to know what words are allowed and what words aren't allowed.
oh for fuck's sake why don't you just kill yourself you stupid little faggot bitch. nobody mentioned you or your scaly hump of a girlfriend. go set fire to a homeless person or molest some blind kids. whatever, just piss off.
-prozac.
John Laws' Book of Irreverent Logic: "Horse racing, we are told, is the sport of Kings. So drag racing must be the sport of Queens."
SFX: Chirping cricket
SFX: Chirping cricket yawning.
SFX: Chirping cricket trying to eat his/her feet.
SFX Single gunshot.
Silence
It must be said: John Laws, if nothing else, is one god ugly motherfucker.
At least Carson is hot.
Heh. Oh Mr. Laws, how you amuse me.
Promptly die.
trueliar@gmail.com
Well said Lawsie. More of the the same please! hehehe!
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