Reasons you will hate me

phwoar

*room spinning*

*taste of bile in mouth*

...

vatican roulette, bet the cardinals wish they could get the pope to play.
Deputy dave

Hardcore Catholics are odd. No sex unless it's for procreation thus no contraception during sex. No sex before marriage.

Now, IF you're going to break the sex before marriage thing, why NOT use contraception? Aren't you already busted custard in the eyes of the Church?

I hardly think the Catholic priest who heard Tony's confession was all "Right. Sex before marriage?! What what WHAT? That'll be twenty four Hail Mary's, sixteen Our Fathers, three Glory Be's and a Fatima Prayer. What's that? You jizzed in her belly button? Oh. No worries. Just the Hail Mary's then. Off you go, sonny!"

I think you broke my brain.

Withdrawal.

Ugh.

"Custard" and "in the eyes" in the same sentence when talking about premature withdrawl. Thanks Jess.

Isn't the belly button where it's supposed to go?

"Isn't the belly button where it's supposed to go?"

Well, if you're solo man, I believe, yes indeed, the belly button is a legitimate landing target.

I've never been all that flexible so I cant say from personal experience.

Oh filthy image, I was able to escape the visual of his ejaculation until the 'jizzed in her belly button' line. And you know he would have that smug facial expression he always has, because he's just circumvented a technicality. Its a similar facial expression to Howard saying "interest rates will be lower".

Abbot apparently said to her (upon finding out she cheated on him when drunk) "I was a bit of schmuck sometimes".
Good to see he's matured. He is now a big fuckhead all times.

Didn't she say a while back that she loved him because he gave her a pearl necklace?

"he would have that smug facial expression he always has"

Sure, but with the lips turned out more, like a chimp chewing a branch covered in ants.

This quote shows the sort of 'moral' Abbott employs:

said she and Mr Abbott had practiced "Vatican roulette" - coitus interruptus - because he was contemplating becoming a priest."

WTF? If you are a Catholic....especially you want to become a priest fornication is out! Any penile penetration is forbidden, does it matter if you withdrawl your erection before it ejaculate the sperm (what a mess that makes anyway, also is bad for the forests I hope they used hankies rather than kleenexs).

So Mr Abbott thought that by practising onanism it would be alright?

Don't get me wrong. I'd rather have a randy priest than a sexually repressed one....maybe Tony was following St. Augustine dictum: Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

-- Saint

"St. Augustine dictum"

Say the last word slowly...

I don't know about St. Augustine, but I am a reasonably strong supporter of continence.

(less constructive response following)

buahahahahahahahahahahaha hah haha hahahahahaha hahahahahahaha

ha ha ahaha

(wipes tear)

(Vomits)

"Didn't she say a while back that she loved him because he gave her a pearl necklace?"

thanks Martin, like I didn't have enough bad imagery already...

"I don't know about St. Augustine, but I am a reasonably strong supporter of continence."

I'd have to agree with you there, Andrew. Of course, back in St Augustine's day, nothing was more fashionable than wandering around in stinky damp pants.

lol etc. Fits, Jess, Andrew... you rock. And Fits, you have impeccable comedic timing. On a blog!

I'm with tealou. Nothing more constructive to add.

Ahem! A no longer naive Kathy would know ACA pays big bikkies for teary guff- something you, ms.fits, should know all about. nodillphil.

Ms Fits made a mint after going on A Current Affair?

Tell the story! Please!

It's all just too lovely. Reckon Bob Ellis must be laughing in his beer too.

And for future reference, maybe the Vatican should issue a pamphlet with diagrams to wannabe priests:
If part A touches or enters part B, you're having sex whether baby gravy comes out or not.

TMI!

Withdrawal. oh fuck me senseless! After the day I experienced today, I really needed to have that laugh. Even though the imagery was less than desirable (your aim achieved) i must say thank-you!

DISCLAIMER: I have no reason to believe ms fits has ever appeared on ACA. Any inference to the contrary was unintentional and I regret any distress this may have caused her and her family. nodillphil.

Good morning - I'm Ray Martin from A Current Affair.

Channel Nine has authorised me to confirm that Ms Fits was, at one point, considered as a potential ACA investigation.

This was during the brief period she was dating a Mr Shane Paxton and we had reason to believe she too might be a dole bludger. Our expose was called off once it was discovered that Ms Fits was and is, in fact, of the literary persuasion. ACA - and Ray Martin for that matter - has no beef with the Arts.

I am a huge fan of Dario Fo's plays (Accidental Death Of An Anarchist being a particular favourite), my current preferred album is the new Bloc Party record (closely followed by The Fiery Furnaces' release), and my favourite book is Beezus and Ramona, from the Ramona Quimby series. I believe Beverley Cleary is a criminally underrated author.

Hope this clears a few things up.

Until next time,

Ray Martin xxx