The most amazing news article ever.
Yesterday my beloved ex came over to pick up his van and shoot the breeze and partway through talking he got all serious.
Sime: Did you read yesterday's Australian?
Me: (adopting important face) Oh, of course. Mm.
Sime: It had the most amazing news article ever.
Me: What about?
Sime: (pulling article from pocket) I'm going to read it to you.
Me: Okay.
Sime: You have to be quiet.
Me: I'M ALWAYS QUIET.
Sime: Shh.
Me: Okay, hurry up.
Sime: 'A convicted murderer who escaped from jail with a warden's wife has been slapped with a maximum seven-year sentence - but the woman has not been charged. Randy Dial - '
Me: His name was Randy Dial?
Sime: Shh. ' - escaped with Bobbi Parker, the wife of the deputy warden, from the Oklahoma State Reformatory in Granite on August 30, 1994. Eleven years later, the two were found living together in a trailer on a chicken farm in eastern Texas after a tip from America's Most Wanted.'
Me: I'd love to live in a trailer on a chicken farm.
Sime: 'Ms Parker, who left behind a husband and two young daughters, claimed that Dial kept her captive by threatening to harm her family. She is now back living with her husband, warden of another jail, who says that he believes her account.'
Me: What a mook. Eleven fucking years. The guy's kidding himself.
Sime: Hang on, it's about to get good.
Me: It's already good.
Sime: It gets better.
Me: Okay, go on then.
Sime: 'But prosecutors in Oklahoma are considering whether to charge her with aiding and abetting Dial's escape. Dial, once a successful sculptor, was serving a life sentence for killing a karate instructor he mistakenly believed had sold drugs to one of his nine children.'
Me: That sentence is genius.
Sime: WAIT THERE'S MORE. 'At his sentencing on Thursday, Dial said he fled because he feared he would contract AIDS from an African-American homosexual called Peaches who had been put in his cell.'
Me: ......
Sime: 'He said the leader of the white supremacist Aryan Brotherhood at the prison had threatened to decapitate him for having a black homosexual cellmate.'
Me: ......
Sime: I know.
Me: But....
Sime: I know.
Me: That's the most amazing news article ever.
Sime: Told you.
Me: I'm going to write it as a film.
Sime: Bugger that, I'm turning it into an opera. And I call dibs.
**************
I really hope you were paying attention the whole way through. Go back and read it again and enjoy the twists and the turns.
It's so nice to realise someone else's life is more fucked up than yours. God bless you, Randy Dial. And best of luck with Peaches.
276 days til the next election.
Comments
Can't wait for the Broadway debut!
He was a sculptor. Which explains everything.
Is that the same gender boundary pushing Peaches you interviewed? Me confus-ed.
i hope sime is planning a 'ghost'-esque sculpting scene between randy and peaches for his opera.
I think the phrase 'accomplished sculptor' is pushing it a bit.
The guy made eggplants.
Further proof that one always needs to be wary of bad 'artists'.
That article could generate headlines like you wouldn't believe...
Sculptor slays black-belt in drug bust gone wrong!
Cell-block love scandal: "Peaches made me do it" killer claims!
I could do this all afternoon, but I have a newspaper to put out...
They really don't go into enough detail about the killing of the karate instructor do they? I'm hoping it was a battle atop rooftops on a moonless night but ,being the kind of guy who holes up in a chicken ranch in Texas for over a decade, I'd assume it would be death by flavoured shotgun shells('ammo with flavour!').
All that because our dear Randy Dial didn't like peaches and cream.
All that because our dear Randy Dial didn't like peaches and cream.
You're all too late - John Waters has secured the rights to the screenplay.
a bit of Googling reveals this guy is a modern American hero.
Buy the book --> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0312960417/ref=nosim/bestbookbuys00.
That's epic.
Impressive -
though I am kinda partial to the recent
"astronaut-travels-across-America-wearing-adult-diaper-to-attempt-kidnapping-another-person-in-astronaut-love-triangle."
you know u want to.
I think I would rather be buttfucked by Peaches than own up to making fucking, ceramic eggplants!
A film eh?
Shawshank redemption + Prisoner = Randy's flight from Peaches.
Do you think you could get me a part Ms Fits?
Well obviously I am new to this blog world, but despite being quite savvy in my computer usage, damned if I can work out how to send you a Friday question.
now I have gone and asked a question, making my actual question rather crap, and my real question pale.
Anyway, share this secret with me?
Ask the question in the comments of the friday questions =)
I love that story, that should have been front page news. And imagine being the journalist who got to write it, you could die right then and be happy...
*Gapes*
*Gurgles unintelligibly*
*collapses*
*regains consciousness*
Wha happened?
That is awesome. If you need a technical advisor, can I help?
Also, I just learned there is a city of the designation Broken Arrow, OK, which is where the Karate instructor originated. Can this story get any better?
I'm in awe of the Warden's capacity to completely ignore facts and believe only what he wants to believe about his wife.
Sublime.
Jesus! I've lost track of whatever I was supposed to be doing today. Karate sculpture on a chicken trailer, or something.
ok, who called Anna Nicole Smith?
trailer livin chicken farm dwelling karatI instructor killing sounds so Tarantino esq OR possibly Rus Myers. And a romantic twist:The Warden and Super Ho; and [THE SUCCULENT FIRM FLESH OF] Canned peaches...; aryan decapition of a negroes he-bitch...adding a sports or HBO angle; ITS LIKE CHRISTMAS FOR ALCOHOLIC AGNOSTICS!
How about this one?
robot nabs naked fugitive in freezing seoul sewer
article
and
here
Fantastic. Even has some tube-video.
Comments are closed.