Reasons you will hate me

And I thought having, "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing down was clever.

Next it will be Greenpeace protesting the illegal smuggling of budgies.

Really folks, budgie smugglers!

Har, Har, Har!

Howdy folks. Brrrrr! What a cold, grey old day we’ve woken up to in this grand, rotting Gotham city of ours. A good day to spend the afternoon in a bar with a nice open fire, in the unlikely event that you have either the time or the money to do this.

Anyway, as a service to the RYWHM community, today I’m going to post an old Polynesian folk cure for chronic rectal itching that is successful in 100% of cases, unless the itching is due to a tumour, in which case you’re fucked.

First, you’ll need to go to the two-dollar shop and purchase one of those packs of five wooden spoons, some cotton wool and a tube of glue. Then go to an independent fruit and veggie shop, the ones in Queens Parade, Clifton Hill are highly recommended, and buy a bag of brown onions.

If you don’t already have an electric juicer, toddle off to the Kambrook seconds store at the top end of Smith Street, Collingwood and buy one cheap.

Arriving back at your snazzy little apartment that you share with your designer dog that you’ll abandon in the park when you get sick of it, start preparing the remedy.

Juice enough of the onions so you end up with about two hundred ml of juice and five hundred ml, or a cup and a half, of pulp.

Next, take one of the wooden spoons and apply glue to the full length of the handle, but leaving the spoon end clear. Fashion the cotton wool around the handle, applying more glue as required, but not too much, you don’t want it getting stiff and inflexible.

What you’re aiming for is to evenly coat the handle with the cotton wool until you have a cylinder approximately three centimetres in diameter.

Working quickly so the glue does not dry, bind the cotton wool covered handle with an old hankie, or a segment of discarded bed sheet or tea towel, adding glue if needed. Leave to dry in a warm place for an hour or so.

Next, remove you’re outer and undergarments, and find a comfortable spot. Soak the cotton clad handle in the onion juice until it is thoroughly moistened.

Holding the spoon by the spoon end, insert it into your rectum, gently advancing it as far as it will go. Work it up and down the length of your anal canal, increasing the speed of the manoeuvrer as you gain confidence.

Aim for a cycle of one stroke per second, periodically refreshing the spoon in the onion juice.

Do this until your arm is aching too much to continue, and then have a glass of wine and a short rest.

Next, pack your anus with the onion pulp, using the wooden spoon to tamp it hard up against the sphincter. Assistance from a partner or good friend in this procedure is helpful but not essential.

Dress, making sure that you place a sanitary pad in your undies to prevent staining from the onion juice and other secretions.

Leave in place until the onion pulp is expressed at your next bowel motion. You will never have to scratch your arse again, I guarantee it.

Love, xxxxx, mikeed1313

The G20 protests and the like would get less bad press if the activists invested in a few 'snug protest bikinis'. Surely it's an offence for police to club somebody who's in their swimwear?

yeah... that is hot. on a lot of levels.

(that's all i have to say)

didn't rachel griffiths pioneer this sort of thing by nuding up at crown?

Mikeed, i've tried to ignore your pathetic ramblings. I'm aware that i'm doing exactly what you want by responding, and wish I could stop. The reality is you are sad. Not funny, not witty, not clever - just sad.

We are all well aware of your position on Fitsy, and on us. So given there's no point continuing to remind us, you have a choice - do you wish to continue damaging something that brings joy to many, or will you decide to exit with a bit of dignity, knowing you've done the right thing?

Hi Donk, 12.45. How could I possibly be sad with nice friends like you to cheer me up?

Giving up is very hard, I've seen people put themselves through the agony of it many, many times.

Pop a few dozen nicotine patches on yourself and ring 000 when your heartrate passes 250.

As for exiting with dignity? Naaaarrr.

Good luck with quitting

I particularly lilke the bit where the article tells you where he is from

"Brown, from Tathra"

I wonder if he has a facebook page?

Man, that body is pretty hot.

And, Donkey, people actually read posts by mikeed1313?!?! How could you be bothered?

Hey mikeed why don't you get your own blog? Oh hang on you've got one already! But nobody goes there eh?

Poor diddums!

not that I should give fuel to him but is anyone else bored by mikeed as much as I am? I actually read his comments once or twice but now my scrolling finger works overtime to skip past them..

Josh brown could either be one of those really interesting people you could take to a dinner party or not. I know my girlfriends would be jealous if I rocked up with him.

*laces stalking boots*

GET IN LINE, N.

Well, I have his MySpazz page, and he's a Hillsonger. Just like Guy Sebastian! BIG UPS TO JC!

Which is not to say he wouldn't still be interesting...

PS: I was actually first. Heh. But you may touch him after me, Fits.

Stop being light-hearted. Can we have a firey debate please?

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=276928

Assessment of Mikeed1313:

The quality of writing is immature yet exposing of the patient. The constant referrals to sex and the rectum and faeces, suggests homophobia that stems from lack of socialisation and exposure to urbanity in formative years.
The constant references to smoking also suggest repression of sexuality and a need for the patient to explore more thoroughly the internal feelings towards the man and in particular the male sexual organ.
Patient shows a lack of motivation and a bitterness that suggests that they have not reached their self believed full potential. This results in the projection of their dissatisfaction onto others.
Leaving their career as a pilot and now exploring their childhood again through the infantile expressions of comic drawings and speaking in a "pirate' voices resonates with a childhood that was controlled by a self destructive father.
The issues of grandiosity also suggest a heavy influence of father on all matters of the psyche.

What concerns me is the edge of unstableness about this patient. If medication has not been discussed then I suggest it is offered as a stabiliser in the next session.
Haldol, Stelazine are to be considered as is regular therapy.

Best of luck and thanks for the consult.

N - I've been reading Ms F's blog for a while now and it still entertains me. The emergence of mikeed1313 is a lot of fun too though.

Ha!

Well, there goes any chance i had of meeting Ms Fits again. I look fucking awful in speedos...

*sigh*

Guess I have to find someone else to put on a pedestal eh? Although, if more people take to protesting while wearing less, the world would be a lot more fun, so it evens out somewhere.

I like mikeed1313 better when he's witty. But man, the guy sure has a lot of time on his hands. I wish I knew where I could buy some of his comics.

Protesting in speedos is waht we used to do in High School when we had swimming in PE.

"Aw, do we have to wear these?"

This blog is now more about the interaction between a couple of dozen regulars (Marieke devotees) and Mikeed1313.

Oh hell, surely this is the most critical bit from the SMH article, about Howhard..

.."and polished off a battered flathead"..

That is so sick and he has to go!!

Did Mikeed say something?
Sorry. Must pay attention. The prognosis from Anonymous, however, was very, very funny.

The good Doctor got her Degree from an online Uni, 8.18.

The only way it could usefully employed would be if she folded it in half lengthwise into a V shape and used the point of the V to scrape the accumulated dried shit out of the crack of her arse.

I'm sane, balanced and adjusted. Its all lies.

The following checklist summarizes all if not most of the psychological or psychiatric defects or deformities that psychologists and criminologists thought, at one time, were indicative of psychopathy. These indicators were often the basis for insanity pleas, mitigating circumstances, or just understanding criminals in the early 20th century. Today, much of it is used by the law as aggravating circumstances. Please note that this list contains many items which are presently regarded as myths or falsehoods about criminals.

Freudian slips of the tongue (indicative of mental conflict) √

Guilt feelings (covered up, but wants to be punished for something)√

Uses defense mechanism of projection (blaming others for own faults)√

Uses defense mechanism of displacement (ditching, self-handicapping, settling for 2nd best, being own worst enemy, but feels entitled to something or being 1st) √

Oral fixation (smokes or always has to have something in mouth)√

Oedipus complex (or other love/hate relationship with parents)√

Comes from dysfunctional family or broken home (absent or abusive father)√

Impervious to fear, anxiety, depression, or remorse (unremorseful)√

Superficially charming, a real cool cat (manipulative and conning)
Inability to love or express emotions deeply, can't respond to kindness (cold) √

Pathological lying (for no reason at all, can't help self)√

No self-insight (doesn't reflect much upon own personality makeup)√

No self-humor (can't stand to be the butt of jokes or can't laugh at self)√

A fairly high IQ (good grades in school or disparity in achievement)√

Uses neologisms (makes up strange new words, abbreviations, or sayings)√

Fascination with fire (or death, or purified ways to destroy something)
Cruelty to animals (or doesn't like animals)√

Lack of probity, courtesy, or doesn't tolerate society's "niceties" or obligations √

Moody, obsessive-compulsive, suffers from one or more phobias √

Does not tend to learn from mistakes unless immediate punishment given √

Lack of formal-operational thinking (tends to think in concrete, black-or-white terms)√

Identity conflict (often with delayed adolescence, hasn't grown up in certain ways) √

Preconventional morality (thinks things are wrong only because it might lead to punishment or it's not in his/her best interests right now, failure to understand disparities between own behavior and socially acceptable behavior, often in trouble with law) √


We have a psychopath on our hands friends.

I understand that Mikeed1313 has been troubling some of you but I wanted you to see him for what he is.a You are not wrong if you though him whack, he is but deserve our empathy and compassion.

Just don't touch the glass Clarice.

Whats up, Doc? Does this mean we won't be meeting at St V's any more? Waah!

Like mikeed better when he's witty? How do you know?

Hi Ms Fits,

Just discovered your blog... very interesting. A great diversion from work and other adventures.

I think the sad facts of these photo are not the budgie smuggling but the going solo. Protests used to be about bringing your mates. They were social events, with a visit to the pub afterwards always being obligatory. You met new people at them and learnt things by engaging in repartee with fellow occupiers, sit-inners, marchers, etc.

If this fella wants to give JWH a hard time, good on him. (No puns intended). But it is a pity he didn't bring his crew. A whole town full of speedos and bikinis would have sent the libs a stark message, and aint the south coast of NSW (and the bellweather electorate of Eden-Monaro) a great place to get political and get some gear off.

What do you think? Which are your most memorable protests? Do you remember your first time?

Perhaps you could meet this lad at his next action (so to speak).

PS
I find you absolutely fetching and insightful on FTBC - Your wit is as saucy as your proclivity for pinafores and pigtails. What are you loving reading at the moment?

I'm not too sure about mikeed, but I know that almost all of the people who are responding to him are nowhere nearly as amusing as he is. I feel pretty sad for them and wish they would stop it because I don't want to have to laugh at them.

Please, guys! It's easy to ignore every post from mikeed, but it's getting really annoying that everyone else on this blog is now spending more time responding to him than to the original article ...

Responses justify his time and drive him. The guy simply isn't worthy of our attention. If you want to read weird drug-induced psychotic shit, try "Catch 22" instead ...

Don't take any notice of 12.19. Don't read 'Catch 22'. Read me instead.