The time it has come.
Here is an email that you probably wouldn't want to receive ever in a million trillion years of receiving emails:
'Hello Ms Fits
Many years ago, I was scraping a living out of rock - a hard thing to do if you live in Canberra. But during that time my band called the Havenots got sponsered by JJJ to do an east coast tour that included playing at the Espy with The Sharp.
Anyway - not sure how solid your memory is - but I met you around that time….and don't delete, because what I want to pass on is that I have written a novel by Print on demand in the US that includes a chapter where you feature. I wrote the book around about that time (we are talking 1991/2 ish I think???) but only just recently got it 'out'.
You turn up about half way-ish through.
The book is somewhere between the storyline of McGahan's 'Praise' and Birmingham's 'Fellafel' with the accent on the latter.
PS - The only reason I have dug you out of the web is that having released this book I realise I have to come clean with the people who are obviously in it - names and characters are fairly identifiable, although you don't feature much - or badly. Basically I'm doing a sort of AA thing where you front up to people about things you have done. You're about number 20 on the list. '
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.
I have absolutely no recollection of this person or what I may have done to be included in his novel. Obviously I was drinking underage at the Espy at the time, though past that my memory blurs somewhat. Have I disgraced myself? Again? Should I buy a copy of the book and sue him for besmirching my character? Could what he's written be anything more damning than the archives of this blog?
This just makes me want to pen a revenge novel to tell the story from 'my side', to be perfectly honest.
37 days til the next election.
Comments
No. Instead I just make sure to lift my dress over my head in public places.
The word 'badly' is entirely subjective, Hellbound.
But yeah, I'd be demanding a pre-release proof...
1. It's already released, Anon. The days of proofing are behind us.
2. I'm not really that worried about possible content. I WAS MINING MY EXISTENCE FOR AMUSEMENT'S SAKE AND POTENTIAL BLOGWORTHY MATERIAL DO YOU NOT SEE.
That doesn't sound like me, Captain. I am usually performing calisthenics or singing to children at the orphanage first thing of a morning.
Watching lawyers battle it out over your 'reputation' would be great entertainment.
I would have thought that evidence of attending a concert by 'The Sharp' in the early 90's would be damning enough to have the case thrown out though.
a) It never, ever occurred, or:
b) The bloke's performance on the night in question was that forgettable and turgid that you have erased it entirely from your memory. As one does. We all do.
Thus, if he writes of about night of steaming unforgettable passion then he's a bloody liar, and if he tells of anything less memorable than that he's merely admitting his own ineptitude in the horizontal folk-dancing department.
Which would make a pretty boring read.
I wouldn't read it, and neither would the rest of the folk gathered here, I'm sure.
Nah, shrug of the shoulders here. Don't buy in. rise above. Tell him to stick his head up a dead bear's bum.
Or ask him if he's into Sex and Travel.
i wouldn't bother reading it if i were you. he can't even spell 'felafel.'
Though there are urban myths regarding the occasional POD that slips through the net and becomes an overnight bestseller
The number of songs about lost, found and rejected love mentioning real people is alarming.
Mostly because I am never mentioned.
Dear person I met once,
I am a hopeless writer who has just written a lousy book which I have had to publish myself. Since you're one of the people sort-of alluded to in it, don't you think you should buy it to reward my hard work?
Yours sincerely,
Bad Writer Guy
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