There but for the grace of George.
Roles I auditioned for as a teenage actress and how my life might've differed if I'd won the part:
1. The Bob Morrison Show - Maxine Morrison
Who got the part:
Elissa Elliott.
What would've happened to me if I'd been successful:
Lead role in ABC telemovie with Ben Mendelsohn and Stephen Curry before brief but not uninteresting stint as AFL 'boundary girl', romance with Edward 'son of John' Elliott (no relation), and finally retiring to Daylesford as long-legged yummy mummy running a fucking cool restaurant.
All in all not a bad run, really.
2. Garage Days - Tanya
Who got the part:
Pint-sized waiflette Pia Miranda.
What would've happened to me if I'd been successful:
What wouldn't've? Marry Luke Hannigan, lead singer of Australian band 'Lo-tel' in the Elvis Presley chapel in Las Vegas, remain consistently employed in various film, television and stage work and age gracefully whilst maintaining body of twelve year old boy. I could handle that if you chucked it at me, to be honest.
3. Sugar and Spice - Pixie Robinson
Who got the part:
Blondie spunko Radha Mitchell.
What would've happened to me if I'd been successful:
Move to LA in order to make fascinating variety of weird horror films including the unbearable Silent Hill (named as worst movie 2006, apparently), cultivate strange transatlantic supermodel accent, WORK WITH WOODY ALLEN AND JOHNNY DEPP.
*cries*
4. Home and Away - Angel
Who got the part:
Melissa George.
What would've happened to me if I'd been successful:
Date Steve Bastoni before marrying swarthy older man on Balinese beach. Release exercise video and pose for Playboy, jet off to Hollywood and find self creatively courted by David Lynch and John Stamos, land starring role in successful series Alias and bask in well-earned success.
Also I would probably look like this:
No, but I'm happy with where I'm at in life, really I am.
235 days til the next election.
Comments
Fancy saying 'would probably look like this', and then putting up a photo of yerself! :-)
So instead you're...
well, I won't say anthing mean :)
Nay, weep not, Fits, but rather rejoice that you did not land a role in Garage Days. It was a truly mediocre, puerile film...
How THE HELL can you not see Melissa George's nipples in that photo?!?! Can you see how far down that top is?! Baffling!??
Is it just me or does anyone else think Melissa George's head look weird in that pic? It looks like it's been stuck on someone else's body.
Maybe so, Ms Fits - but they all would've been CRAP at playing Sally Mitchell.
Also, if you'd scored the part of Angel on Home and Away, you would've gone on to tongue-kiss a 40-year-old woman, and it's not as if you haven't had enough practice at THAT on Saturday nights.
Elissa Elliott was a total bitch to my younger brother at high school. Thanks for giving me her current whereabouts.
*sharpens knife, steel-toed boots and wit*
bevis said bitch!
bevis has a dark side!
[rejoices]
Bevis has a dark side cos he said bitch? never mind that he's got a knife!
And his memory's not too good either - wasn't it Sally Marshall not Mitchell? Oops - too pedantic.
it's just that he never swears, anon, so i'm amused, as i'm a great user of swear words. for they are but words. we're not allowed to say fuck or shit or piss or cunt at his blog but he is a gentleman about it and ignores my foul language.
it's ok. we're mates. i'm just having fun.
Perhaps I should have thrown in a smiley. I know it's ok, that you're mates, and only having fun. I wasn't being serious either. Altho I do know for a fact that you're not allowed to say piss or shit or fuck or cunt on Fitsy's blog either.! :-)
heh
Fitsy, you're assuming you're not successful now? Most professional actors appear to have, in reality, sad, unfulfilled lives. Instead, you're a well-rounded, happy girl with thousands of people hanging on your every word - not a bad result I'd say.
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2. Garage Days - Tanya
None of those things would have happened because surely you would have died of embarrassment first. One of the touchstones of bad Australian cinema, and that's saying something.
Apparently Radha Mitchell is also the subject of Dazza Hanlon's latest tune. So perhaps you would've been bumping elbows with him on dancefloor somewhere too...
Oh dear. Is that a threat, cotard? KEEP DARREN HANLON AT BAY.
Sliding Doors Fits. Quite an impressive array of alternative realities. If any of it had happened, it might be a case of reasons youwillDESPISEme ;)
i auditioned for the role of DJ lush puppy in sample people. that part went to nathalie roy.
i could have gone on to be in blue water high!!!
on a more serious note, i could have been in all saints, which means i would have met mark priestly and could right at this moment be making babies with him
but im not
p.s. im going to melbourne
p.p.s. she broke up with him
p.p.p.s. still keen to catch up with anyone else at ben kweller :)
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Ed & Elissa? I did not see that one coming AT ALL.
Then again, I have met each of them approximately once and I have not seen either one of them for at least 15 years so I'm not sure why I even have an opinion about this.
Dearest Ms Fits.. I know this is off-topic, but I did not know where to email this to you directly... your thoughts please on this Monty Python-esque state of affairs.. http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/articles/2007/03/20/1174153018888.html?from=top5
Colour me amused, MG and Anon.
littlefaeriegirl - i hope you have a ticket, it sold out yesterday...
but as i said in the q&a comments, i'll be there - e-mail me at missrox at mindless dot com and we'll organise a date :)
cool post...i might be robinson crusoe here, but i kinda liked garage days.
(i am) craig, (but not [the] craig)
Yeah I feel you Ms Fits. I shouldve been in Jason and the Technicolor Dreamcoat (part went to Jason "JD" Donovan). I then wouldve been accused of being gay in the British tabloids and then become a hopeless loser who smokes bongs all day. Then I wouldve had a child, come back to star in a critically acclaimed drama about medics and lawyers and then found contentment looking like a reformed amphetamine addict with saucer eyes holding out for that reunion with Kylie. Yay.
Instead, you're blogging away in Collingwood, surrounded by fans, junkies, car thieves and a boxful of porn!
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