There but for the grace of Mum.
As mentioned previously, my ma is in Alabama at the moment singing in gospel choirs and rubbing shoulders with Danny Glover and eating molasses and other such intriguing activities. I miss her terribly, even though she occasionally likes to humiliate me by poking at my boobies in public and shouting out show tunes to passing truck drivers.
Still, anything she's attempted in the past pales when it comes to the antics of ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona's mum...
To quote:
'...UK celebrity Kerry Katona has copped flak from her mum Sue, who - just a week after revealing the extent of her daughter's cocaine use - has spoken out again about Kerry's dangerous drug habit.
Sue has also admitted she once slept with then 17-year-old Kerry's boyfriend to prove he was a cheat. When she didn't like the man Kerry was dating, Sue seduced him.'
Yes, really. Possibly a mother-daughter heart to heart may have sufficed, but there you go.
Anyway, why take it from me? Let Sue speak for herself.
'I didn't want a man like that going out with my daughter. So I fucked him...so I could show Kerry what a cunt he was.'
SHE REALLY SAID THIS.
In addition!
'The next night, I...beat the guy up...because he'd cheated on my daughter.'
According to NW* and News Of The World, they also went on speed and cocaine binges together after Kerry had dropped the kids off at school. I once got mildly drunk with my mum and when she guest-hosted my radio show Fred Negro taught her the charmed term 'wide-on' which she used with great relish during a dinner party, but that's about as bad as it gets.
Come home mama, you can sleep with any of my boyfriends and then beat them to a bloody pulp if you want. I miss you.
368 days til the next election.
*I wouldn't normally base my blog around a New Weekly story, but it's cracking isn't it? Stop judging me, for fuck's. It's a public holiday and I have a headache.
Comments
nah the best part of that article is
'kontrol'! reminds me of 'Ronnie's Krazy Go Karts'
damn you melbourne people and you horse-induced-holiday.
I Knew I should have moved in April.
WHYEEEEE.
Well at least she is holy woman,probably not God fearing though, could be the other way round!
This is why I buy my mum a mothers day card! Great Blog
1. That mum looks exactly like Jabba the Hutt.
2. That psychic spam is scary.
Ewww.
It's like someone elected to remake Damaged for the chavs!
I know. Can't...look...away...
What a lovely looking lady.
I base most of my blog posts around info gleaned from NW.
And I'm not ashamed.
I started this evening innocently enough when I flicked through some tv channels and saw the "First Tuesday Book Club" on ABC. Being a reader, I decided to watch.
The next thing I know, I'm staring at vida guerra's ass, and wondering how I can engineer the phrase "wide on" into a conversation at work.
Keep up the good work!
Hey.... Tim W. said everything I was going to say. Reason I looked all this up is because there were all these... older folk and then this bright young thing with nice teeth. Next thing I know I'm looking at a woman who looks like her neck's trying to swallow her head and Vida's ass. Yes - I meant that, she went on to swallow... sory that's just crass. But what an ispiration you are ms fits... all these things and a spot on neighbours.
You're an ugly fuck Hardy. Saw your fake arse on TV. Looked you up. All the shows you've done sucked arse. You're a privileged prissy moron and I hope you get ALS. Fucking get off the TV you rotten tart.
just kidding I think you're hot.
A rollercoaster ride of emotions, Anon. But what exactly is ALS and where does one catch such an exciting-sounding illness?
ALS-Aboriginal Legal Service?
Sly in PNG
Ah, I see. Well then, I rather hope I get Aboriginal Legal Service too. Possibly then some undeserved 'arts funding' will follow, if any of our more vocal right-wing columnists are to be believed.
Your mum, no offence, sounds like an idiot. Did you ever have a chance?
Not really, Anon. But what can I do about it now?
p.s. And your mother smokes pole in hell. No offence, obvs.
Devastating.
'Slept with' her daughter's boyfriend, or 'raped'?
Strewth, they don't make mums like that around these parts. My mum goes to bingo and helps out at Meals on Wheels.
All a bit Jerry Springer, really. If this was the Oprah show (it's not, is it?), it'd be time for Kerry and Sue to sit down with a good therapist and discuss the strange and unhealthy dynamics of their relationship.
The first thing that went through my brain was:
Shit, is that what Kerry Katona is going to look like in 20 years time?
No wonder Bryan dumped her for Delta.
Or maybe Mommie Dearest tried it on with him too?
Ewwwwww.
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