Things I am telling myself not to do or say in New Zealand.
So blogging from the International airport terminal right now. This is how much I want to reach out and connect with you. Hotness.
Here are some things - as the title of this post will attest - that I am telling myself not to do or say in New Zealand:
- Start humming Dave Dobbyn's 'Slice of Heaven' as the plane lands.
- Chuck a Maori guy under the chin and say: 'Would you get a load of that accent? ADORABLE!'
- Get drunk and try to kiss the lead actress from my show.
- Wander around chuckling mildly to myself saying: 'Choice, bro! CHOICE!' whenever anyone approaches my direction.
- Turn the stereo up loud, yelling: 'Hey, who here likes Split Enz? Or, as you guys would say, Splut Inz! HAHAHA!'
- Point at sheep. Say: 'Don't you people fuck these things or something?'
- Buy too much absinthe and Tanqueray from Duty Free.
- Go ANYWHERE NEAR A FISH AND CHIP SHOP.
1047 days til the next election.
Comments
Hey! where in NZ? Last night i slept on the floor of Christchurch airport. if you were here i will be sad i International travelblogging is defo the way forward. I can't believe i just used the word 'defo'. Bloody aussie lingo.
And don't it eny Wut Bux, either, bro, eh - cen you git me The Detsins' autographs bro, eh? Choice.
A good idea.
Don't grab hold of a Maori woman and demand: "Cook me some fuckin' eggs!".
This, sadly, is a true story.
Got a nasty dose of heartburn from some fish and chips while staying in Wellington in 1998.
I had all sorts of problems communicating with the locals because, apparently, I spoke too quickly and my Australian accent was too broad for them to cope.
I'm wandering aimlessly around a supermarket called Pak N Save in Lower Hutt, desperately trying to find some Eno or something, when I grabbed the nearest available shop monkey and asked: "Could you please tell me where I can find some antacid?"
Straight forward enough request I thought, b ut I got nothing but a blank look.
"Antacid," I repeated.
Nothing.
"Ant. ACID," I said through pursed lips.
Still nothing. I decided to go on the front foot.
"I'm looking for some entecid to fux my unugistshun," I said brightly.
"Ohhhh, ent-ECUD," the supermarket wench replied, the penny finally dropping.
"Uts over un our miducle sictshun un aisle sux."
My advice to you is to take the puss owet of the excent ivry chince you git. Uspeshly uf you're shopping et Pek N Save...
Sorry, that crappy Kiwi anecdote was brought to you by The Hack, www.spinstartshere.com.
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