Reasons you will hate me

This should pass the time, in any case.

Why yes, the second-favourite* interweb phenomenon sweeping the teenage population: the Rolling Stone Community Trivia Game.



AND THE BEAUTY OF IT IS THAT ANYONE MAY POST A QUESTION.




If I may demonstrate:






1. 're: Counting crows


Who is Elizaebth in some of his songs


a. Just asking


b. Don't know'


You may be surprised to learn that the correct answer in this particular case was 'Just asking'. So if you didn't know, you technically got it wrong. And that's where the evil genius lies, my friends. SEEMS SIMPLE, LOOK HARDER.



2. 'DOES JACOB RANNELS HAVE A GIRL FREIND



a. MABEY


b. NO


c. YES


d. POOOOOOOOOOOP'



What I like very much about this question is the rollercoaster ride of emotions the poster is obviously experiencing. From the thrilling, fingers-crossed-say-it-ain't-so 'mabey', to the definitive 'no', the sad but firm realisation 'yes' and then the agonising death-cry, cursing the world for all that it is unfair and hideous. Also I was certain I must have been missing something as I am quite out of touch so I googled Jacob Rannels, expecting to find a few perky pages devoted to his pin-up boy looks and debut single 'Put Your Honey Where My Mouth Is'.


There was nothing, obvs. He is some pockmarked dork from Chem Prac. So it goes.




3. 'What was Korn's best album


a. Issues


b. Life Is Peachy


c. Follow the Leader


d. Korn'


I fucking love this. IT IS NOT A MATTER OF OPINION, PEOPLE. IT IS BASIC FACT THAT FOLLOW THE LEADER IS HANDS-DOWN THE BEST KORN ALBUM OF ALL TIME AND ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS WRONG WRONG WRONG TIME FOR THE STABBINGS TO BEGIN etc.


4. 'What are lloyd banks specelitse in the videogame bulletproof


a. Explosiv


b. Open safes


c. scream yeah!


d. wepons'



I'm not as yet familiar with the video game 'Bulletproof', but you can be certain after reading this question I am going to seek it out. Who wouldn't love an animated warrior with a special skill of 'screaming yeah!'. Lara Croft and her enormous chesticles can go suck it.


5. 'Did lance bass ever try to be an astronot


a. no


b. I don't know


c. no


d. yes'



If you look very carefully, you might notice that there are really only three answers to this particular question. These masterminds will try to outsmart you at every turn, you know.



6. 'Which is one of their names


a. Sean


b. Chalay


c. Pimpin'


d. Jermaine'



I searched and searched the page this question was posted on, but I couldn't for the life of me work out who 'their' was. The Jackson 5? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Eventually I decided that it was an existential question about the introduction of authenticity as the norm of self-identity, tied to the project of self-definition through freedom, choice, and commitment.


Also the correct answer is, fascinatingly, 'Pimpin''.


'7. What is the guitar model of angus young never left behind til his sleep


a. none of them


b. gibson les paul


c. fender


d. les itm'



This is a beautifully handled question; poetic in its simplicity. Whether the poster is referring to the 'big sleep', whereby one slips away to meet their maker and occasionally appear in sitcoms with a character known only as 'Mrs Muir', I am uncertain.


8. 'What is the hidden track on Dookie


a. All by myself


b. All of there other songs'



CAREFUL PEOPLE, IT MIGHT BE A TRAP.


9. 'Tyrell whittaker asks


Is he gay


a. no


b. yes'



Why bother with school counsellors and overpaid therapists when you can simply log on to the Rolling Stone Community Trivia Game and sort your sexuality out once and for all? It makes sense, it really does.







326 days til the next election.






*The first being, of course, Guess Which Obscure Early 90's Band I'mNotCraig Was In.

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