Reasons you will hate me

You are my Idol.

Not too sure about the plunging neckline considering you're going head to head (or booz to booz as it were) with Vesna. After so many appearances with her, Timmy's probably all mamm'ed out (if such a state can exist).

1. Yes. There's little sexier than a lady who thinks you're ace. Just keep a lid on it, aiight?
2. Yes. Lefties love a bodacious rack as much as the next guy. Contrary to what yubris suggests, one cannot be "mamm'ed out".
3. Yes. It'll nail the holy trinity of getting into boys' pants: talking about them, introducing them to the girls and feeding them beer.
4. Knowing one quirky thing is flattering and justifiable. Two is getting creepy. Three is get-the-fuck-away-from-me-you-stalker-freak-then-again-you-have-epic-cans-and-I'm-quite-drunk-maybe-I-could-make-an-exception-just-this-once.
5. No. If a prominent Sydney talkback identity can get his cock out in a London public toilet, then root away, Fits.

how about going all out and writing a love song dedication to leftist timmy.

i mean it can't be any shitter than your short cuts 2,4,6,8 protest song (which i happended to see last week).

SHAME

* Manure Man

Oh god how i lusted after Tim!! You just HAVE to take this oppertunity to jump his bones. No excuses!

It's never wrong to push Vesna out of the way.
You could let her know I've been sending in write in votes to Australian Idol though. And perhaps start some sort of Vesna Idol campaign

what time should we be there?

also... i've told you already that you need to lure him with wit, charm, plunging neckline AND befriend him in anyway possible. that way it's not creepy for him to casually join our posse

We already wrote one, Manure Man.


p.s. This is CONFLICTING ADVICE, peoples!
p.p.s. The bone-jumping is winning thus far.

No, no matter what you do it it will me a disaster. But at least you will be appropriatly dressed for the occasion. No devout Lefty Tim supporter can ever be expected to maintain composure when actually confronted by Him. And lets not forget you are no ordinary follower, you are Ms Fitz...and Vesna will be there. The world was never programed for such encounters.

*Bonnie Tyler screams, "We're living in a powder-keg giving off sparks!"*

And as the show hits the airwaves, spreading out across darkest suburbia, the fluttering caffinated-hearts of a thousand fellow Lefty Tim/Ms Fits fanatics (or perhaps just mine) will combust.

We are all doomed, DOOMED!

It's the age old stalk-without-appearing-to-stalk game.
1. yes. As a man who was scorned in the house, flattery will get you everywhere. Just don't mention that you think the lemmings are (because he liked one of them)
2. yes. Obviously.
3. yes. You've got that segue nicely rehearsed already.
4. I agree with peter. Don't let the second/third thing slip until after you have already seduced him.
5. no. A thousand times no. This is LEFTY TIM. Just no.

...and the Vesna thing; squeeze in between them all pretending like you're getting cosy and intimate with the both of them. THEN go for the kill, turn your back on her, exclude and let Lefty Tim get a good view of your baps. Up close and personal. It will be a fait accompli.

Tim doesn't stand a chance.

But Yubris is right, elaine. My chesticles can't compare to Vesna's gargantuan mammaries. NOT EVEN IF I STUFF.

seeing how my idea of a song was shot down unceremoniously, how about a threesome (minus vesna) / pash party rrr style.

but i feel you may be let down, meeting your fave celebrity etc is usually a let down even if it is big bro tim.

Why don't you sing him that delightful "Cunt" song on ausculture addressing the results?

But here's my serious question:
I can sympathise, but how does it REALLY feel to go from LeftyNerdDork to KING of the LeftyNerdDorks! But does it feel in some warped sense - hollow - given the range of vacuous pond scum you had surrounding you?

Further, have you stopped trying to recreate Kate into your projection of her? Leopards/ Self-Confessed Homophobes don't change their spots!

Finally, when you have a reunion, can you mention to Chrusty that the ENTIRE NATION witnessed her picking her face/ zits then eating it on live tv?

Sorry, I mean , really finally - tell Hotdogs that once I turned on late nite to find a replacement handling his UpLate show - and I immediately noticed something different...he was COMPETENT! Can you please inform CockDogs "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!" and then explain the concept of shaudenfraude (sp.) to him, and advise him I am loving his brutal descent! PS How's his 24/7 assistance with his near-death dad going...while he's in a different state? Superficial - thy name is Simon "Need A Nickname To Appear To Have A Personality" Deering!

$BDW$

as them if they want to bouble-date - you with Tim and me with that godess of a woman - VESNA - she is all woman!

Yours and Nads' stalking brought The Schmitz into our midst quite nicely Ms Fits (along with a few nice bonus extras), so if it ain't broke, I say don't fix it - STALK AWAY HONEY!!!

Dxxxx

Yes to all questions. Only, it is the "War on FILTH," not germs.

I understand that you are nervous and all a-flutter and that is why you have made this simple mistake.

Don't suppose you want to send him my way when you're done? I'm all down with Community Radio Slops.

Seeing as how you're 'downer' with the T. Brunero back file I may well have to pass him on, Cynic.

I shall not be held responsible for any bruising or bite marks. x

Forget frocking up, you should just get RRR to turn the heating up and wear those Polichicks bathers, and lotsa lippy. Vesna could never compete with that.
Be direct, I mean, fuck it, when are you going to get a chance to interview Lefty Tim again?

1. kinda. Admit to fan, obsessive could be ... um obsessive. This separates you from the 'ohmigod i saw youse heaps on tv and youse it hot' people he must be swatting away with a bat (or vesna), without being the "oh, i never watched it because i don't watch commercial television" type loser.

2. go plunging neckline - i think he will welcome mangoes after visually feasting on watermellons for so long. gown - no, something that comes off quicker, and fits in your handbag
3.thirty-five minutes into the hour - enough time to be professional and give the impression his charm, wit and song selection has won you over. 4. wearing aluminium underpants could work (consistent with 2) or mentioning that the 'today's special' at the pub is a block of un-varnished wood.
5. compromise journalistic what? i think you should reject marriage as it is a "tool for surpressing the proletariat", and that instead you will allow him to become one of your 'regular satisfiers' - 'now, tear away the aluminium foil with your teeth to prove your loyalty tim'

*is full of confliction*

*fills spa in preparation anyway*

1. Wear a cut-out paper mask of Tim's own face. Refer to him only in the third person. Ask if he has had a personal experience with Tim. Try to convert Tim to Timism ("You see, when we allow Tim into our lives an overwhelming sense of peace enters our body and washes away all the violent hatred we feel towards pretty much every other human being.")
2. Black suit with Nike runners best, and bring a square of purple cloth. Also a spare outfit (same) to offer Tim.
3. A few affectionate punches to his jacked-up biceps should convey the right level of chumminess.
4. Know more than him. Correct him on minor details of his life both inside and out of the house. Insist that you're right.
5. Answer any direct questions with "I do", regardless of the query's actual content. This will establish a precedent.

Does he know of your secret online identity/affiliation with ausculture/song?

fuck off: I knew tim before he was famous and he is basically a cock. you make me fucking sick.

Well that's me put in my place then.

Well, we all know he has a cock, anon, that's what up late is for. So we can verify these things without idiots like you having to tell us.

fits, you may be more mammary challenged than vesna (most of us are!), but that is why you need to be closer.

From Anon's in-depth knowledge, I think by saying that Tim is "basically" a cock, Anon was suggesting that when you remove all the lefty, progressive sugar and get down to the base level, all that is left is a throbbing sexual machine - which of course is true of all us men.

Anon then went on to explain (in hurriedly typed Engrish) how Fitsy makes him/her so excited that they end up copulating with vomit. Now that's turned on eh?

has anyone cited the fact that tim may just have an obsession with your public existance?
perhaps he is bringing vesna in order to prevent on-air fornication.
..i say "consider this seriously"

then re-assess your own questions.

*faints*

p.s.
i think it all comes down to his top five rooting songs.
what if they suck?

hold all judgement until this point.

you never know he may request john butler...

1. Admit to being an obsessive fan?
I think the batted eyelids and slight drool will give that away without vocalising.

2. Frock up?
Like you won't go the plunge. Perhaps not all the way to yer damn belly button! And the use of double sided gaffa tape is strictly forbidden. Leaning on the panel with arms under boobs to push 'em up his nose is also forbidden.
As long as yer tits can't sway under yer armpits, I'd say you've got it all over Vesna.


3. Cross the line from interviewer to chum?
No, get Lateline on his ass. Channel Kerry O'Brien and ask the questions Australia wants to hear. Ahh fuckit, think Kerry Ann on happy pills. Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. Naomi Robson with her boss, Catriona Rowntree on another freebie trip...


4. Know too much?
Dressing as kate is just cheating. 'sides, I reckons he'll go ga ga on general principle.


5. Accept fate?
Ask IOYC- he knows what the realness is.

As Problematic has mentioned, this could be Lefty Tim's wildest dream about to come true.

By the way, can I make a request please. Can you please try and make Vesna angry on air? Perhaps nudging her out of the conversation will work sufficiently.

so bloody excited for you. Expecting a full run down asap.

*awaits phone call*

- from a spa

- filled with girl bloggers

- and timmy

*long time reader first time commenter*

Please sleep with Tim for the benefit of all glasses-wearing, converse-shod, bleeding heart leftie girls Australia wide.

And if you coax Vesna into saying the word 'vagina' the world will be far, far happier. The way she says 'vagina' is sweet, sweet music to the ears of many. 'vadge-oina'..... bliss.

I guess it's too late to remind you of The Guilt Free Three!

Is lefty Tim a Union Man? Really? Well.....

What happened?? Tell all!

my previous injunction to 'fuck off', and my 'fucking sickness', were primarily addressed to previous commenters, rather than exclusively at the blogger herself.

otherwise, thanks to yubris for an excellent psychoanalytic reading of my comment,

Oh! He's left!

Dud root.

I'm sure of it.

And I reckon you all are too.

D'ya think dry-humping might be a big enough hint?

I think the fact that you know how many days till the next election might float his boat as well...

Well?

is fits MIA?

1. He wants to stay in touch.
2. He exchanged phone numbers with a certain someone I can't reveal.
3. He revealed an intriguing masturbation technique.
4. He wants to fall in love.
5. He stripped down to his underwear.

is that all the sexy red fishnets got you!

more about number 3 please. as long as it's not like the judge one, we know far too much about that already. thank you.

Can't wait to hear it - so it's on tomorrow night, yes?

4. He wants to fall in love.

You showed him my photo, didn't you?

I did, Tuppence. That's how I found out about the masturbation technique.

For those of us who missed the show, can it be downloaded?