Titting off.
Proof that MX is making commuters smarter on that long train ride home.
Here's a story from yesterday's 'rag':
'BREAST FRUIT - LEMONS THE BEST SQUEEZE
An Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman's personality from the size and shape of her breasts. Sexologist Piero Lorenzoni has categorised breast types according to fruits.
Lorenzoni said a woman with 'melon' breasts 'likes eating and wants to be spoiled and admired. But seldom likes sex.'
He said men who want someone lively should choose a woman with 'lemon' breasts - pert and prominent.
'These women are full of life and can laugh at themselves,' Lorenzoni said.
Pert, oval-shaped breasts are, for Lorenzoni, like pineapples. Women with pineapple breasts are 'intelligent, romantic and faithful.''
I don't really know where to start with this one.
At first I thought I was a melon-titties type of lass, 'cause Lorenzoni (do you not love his Sexologist 'pants off, ladies, while I show you my etchings' surname?) describes my personality quite well - apart from the 'seldom likes sex' bit.
But what sort of melons could he mean? I'm certain I'm not watermelons:
Hey! Which ones are the fruit and which ones the givers of mother's precious milk, you saucy wench?? HAHAHAHA!! CUNNING!
I guess I could be cantaloupes:
But I don't know if I'm really 'fulsome' enough.
Lemons are out:
Who wants to go sucking on a sour nipple?
Neither am I certain what kind of SKANKY, SAGGY, SPIKY-ASS PRICK YOUR FINGERS-TYPE HO HAS FUCKING PINEAPPLE TITS :
What is he on about? Who cares if they're 'romantic and faithful'? Their fucking chesticles are polishing their fucking shoes. And damned if I'm going to be pulling tit-needles out of my fingers after copping a crafty feel.
Maybe I've just got mango boobies. That doesn't seem like such a bad idea to me. Why don't you look at the comparison and tell me what you think:
Yes, those really are my boobies. And can anyone tell me how to become a Sexologist when I grow up please?
957 days til the next election.
p.s. I will be away from my precious computer until Monday afternoon. So you'll have to make do until that time by beating off over the titty picture. Don't forget to wipe down your keyboard before mum and dad come home!
Comments
I think your breasts are like apples.
Refreshing, incredibly tempting and good to eat first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
They also often come with a piece of wood down the middle of them.
How did you know I'd moved back in with my mum and dad?
I was going to concur on the mangoes analogy but have to defer to The Law's better informed judgement.
Don't want to put a dampener on your weekend (I'm sure it'll be "damp" enough already - chortle!*) but you do realise that Minty Twat is going to spend the entire weekend trying to aim his man broth at your boozies on his monitor, don't you? God bless him.
*I have no idea what that means. Something to do with sex, probably.
With all that hair, they're definitely rambutans.
Can't you post something interesting that dissects obscure Australian Politics. I come here to learn not to look at your unfrosted cupcakes?
The Law Man and the Sexologist know not of what they speak. You have cornish gamehen breasts.
Minty how many tries do your reckon it will take you to hit the picture spot on?
Erm, too late. I've done it already. Thrice, in fact.
*voice breaks* *pubes sprout*
Could be mangoes, could be pomegranates. Could you turn a bit to the left?
I like ya anyway, but better when you're not trying to emulate Paris Hilton.
Hey, just remember - Bolt's had a read of this at least once, who's to say he won't look again? And that's someone you DON'T want beating off to your boozies...
*snerks and runs away all anonymously*
Nice Dogtags!!But seriously.
I think you have the nicest pair of cherry nipples. It must have been cold when you took the photo coz their standing to attention atop those proud breasts. Yes! They are proud. Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which
feed among the lilies.The Song of Solomon
Nice Dogtags!!But seriously.
I think you have the nicest pair of cherry nipples. It must have been cold when you took the photo coz their standing to attention atop those proud breasts. Yes! They are proud. Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins,
which feed among the lilies.The Song of Solomon
"(Bolt is) someone you DON'T want beating off to your boozies..."
I'm imagining his wife catching him at it. That'd be worth it.
Anyway, I'm sure he's "spanked the subby" more than once before over this blog.
wow! and i thought I had watermelons!!! i bow down, with my kumquats, bitter, jealous.
nice. i'm thinking maraschinos.
*adds this page to favourites*
Aussie Beauties
There once was a Lady "Ms Fits"
Who decided to show us her tits
They were lovely we'd say
In their own special way
Quite like mangos served fresh at the Ritz..
I love mangoes.
As for your breasts, they are magnificent.
Oh, sweet jesus.
I was still trying to get over Watermelon Girl when ooh! Up pops Fitsy's.
I need to go lie down.
And Joseph, I only like her when she's emulating Paris Hilton!
Breasts! Aha! Ahahahaaaaaa! Yes, yes!
Couldn't resist.
-weez
I see that in my absence I have been so sorely missed that someone has posted the comment above using my name.
How do you do that?
Good thing that the comment is so extraordinarily witty! Otherwise I might have been miffed.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Me previously: "I'm imagining his (Andrew Bolt's) wife catching him at it. That'd be worth it."
I was imagining him standing wobbly-kneed on a swivel chair with his pants around his ankles, shuddering and thrusting precariously at the monitor. And his wife walks in on him in that position right at the moment he starts to shoot the boy juice.
Just thought I'd share.
Isn't his wife a right-wing columnist at the Hun as well?
Ms Fits,
You are a heathen who is going straight to hell. Put some clothes on, wise up, and vote Liberal.
From Peter Costello
Most sexologists kick off their career with a PhD in Getting it On from Booty U or a similarly respected learning institution — please note that the Ballarat Technical College of Skank is not such an august educational body.
From there, it's a simple matter of the 3 "P's": Publishing, PR and Pulling Yourself. Remember, the more fucking SPURIOUS and OUTLANDISH the theories, the better the Sexologist.
gosh!
my boozies look much like your own. except with less hot-arse dog tag action. gotta get me some of that.
I hear the right-wing columnists go apeshit over the subtle critique of masculinist defence culture. Blow their load and their top simultaneously...
This reminds me when my life partner and me were in our first flush of passion in the early stages of the relationship (before parenthood and mortgages). We used to drink fruit cocktails in bed and we got pretty drunk and we started to put different pieces of fruit our naked bodies. I had a nice set of cherries around my personal member while my partner took a few pictures. I totally forgot about it (alcohol has that effect) and finished up the roll of film a few months later and duly sent the film to be developed at the photo shop in my local shopping centre.
When I went to pick up the photoes the envelope was sealed with sticky tape. When I enquired I was told by the attendant with a wink "ah yes...there were a few personal pictures there.eh eh eh eh.."
Are you the nude maja?
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/G/goya/goya_nude_maja.jpg.html
Otherwise my vote is for Custard Apples, or maybe a decent pair of White Chocolate Creme Brulee.
Are you the nude maja?
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/G/goya/goya_nude_maja.jpg.html
Otherwise my vote is for Custard Apples, or maybe a decent pair of White Chocolate Creme Brulee.
I used to date a sexologist. I think she was sponsored by her employer - a strip joint. She liked to think they complemented each other.
I agree with Dr Nic that the standard sexologist did their studies at an institution esteemed obscurity. Unfortunately for all of us the appropriateness of expanding degrees to include sexology at the Ponds Institute hasn't happened there yet; they keep ignoring my pleading letters.
Stupendous.
I give them an A+
Well, there's a reason your mother is so proud of them...
(Although I was going to pretend I hadn't seen this post.)
33, for good measure. And because I'm competitive with Mr Lefty, my alphaleftpoliblog idol.
You see, now everyone should post a picture of their testicles and fruit to compare them to.
Its only fair!
I would like to see Polywise get her tahtahs out in competition!
Not bad, headlights on, but I've seen better on trannies.
Wow. HOT! Who cares what sort of fruit they're like?
I've never seen any fruit that looks that good...
Oh, if anywone knows where I can purchase such items as boobie-fruit, I would be most appreciative. :)
You also appeared in "Picture", you say?
Int-re-restin...
You should post that and let the BLOGGERS decide if it was worth that $75...and whether you shoulda won a super magnificent glorious prize for those luverly mangoes :)
Don't listen to that lousy Paul...he's probably just got a small dick and hence a very large chip on his shoulder...
Gorgeous.
Comments are closed.