Trash glamour, within reason.
There are a few things you pretty much have to do if you spend time on the Gold Coast, and last weekend I think I covered most of them. My beloved mob and I stayed in a Miami Vice-style highrise, imbibed liquor with reckless intent, and went to Dreamworld and elbowed children in the face to get pole position on rides. We even spent an eventful evening eating buffalo wings at the Mermaid Beach Hooters, followed by a drunkenly violent gig at the Coolangatta Airport Hotel (attached to - I kid you not - a petrol station. A quality music venue by any standards). From memory someone was 'glassed' during the third song. Good times.
We also managed to cross a long-held dream of mine off the list when we booked in for one of those offensively lame Olde Time photographs. For years I've been super keen to dress up as a cowboy with a gun and I finally managed to coerce my long-suffering companions to join me on the adventure.
Grumpy girl: So I'll just find some costumes for you guys...
Me: I want to be a cowboy.
Grumpy girl: .....Okay...
Me: With a gun.
Grumpy girl: Um, sure. Fine.
Me: Do you have any fake moustaches?
Grumpy girl: No, sorry.
Dirty Derek: Can I have a cane?
Grumpy girl: I'll get your props in a minute...if the two boys just want to try these vests on.
Hotman: Can I be a saloon wench?
Grumpy girl: (suddenly cold) We can't let boys dress up as girls. It stretches the costumes.
Hotman: Bummer.
Me: Can he wear a feather boa then? That would be sweet.
Grumpy girl: I can't let you do that either.
Lee: Why not?
Grumpy girl: Because there are children here.
Gen: What?
Grumpy girl: (losing cool) I shouldn't even be letting her dress as a boy, but I'm just not in the mood to argue today. Now take the costumes you're given and go arrange yourselves around the bar.
*****************
She seriously wouldn't let one of the boys wear a feather boa lest it corrupt the innocent minds of waiting children. Wtf is that about? Are those Olde Time photo places really such high-faluting moral compasses?
Should I be writing to my local MP about this?
FREEDOM FOR CROSS-DRESSING PURVEYORS OF LOWBROW POP-CULTURE NOVELTY HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, I SAY.
Comments
well ms fits you were in QLD!
Maybe she'd be more comfortable with a Teletubbies costume...
but why would hotman want to wear a feather boa anyway?
HE'S A BOY!
i'm so confused. hold me?
Honey,
I can see the day when you
*retire*
to the Gold Coast!
Ha!
Where is the photo then?
You can write a page about it and not upload the thing. it's just not fair.
Are the joys of being behind the Bannana Curtain. Wind you watch back 1hr and 20 years....
Was this the old times pictures as Dreamworld. I have one of those from back in 1991.
Booo.
i think anonymous makes a good point.
Has anyone leaped in to criticise you for "elbowing children"yet? Can I?
"OH NOES! Fitzz clames to be a leftie but she haets teh childrenss!!"
Done.
brokenleg: Are you sure?
absol effing lutely
you were so close to Byron Bay where Dallas Crane were playing and you went to the Coolangatta Airport Hotel????
*scratches head*
I accidentally injured someone at the byron gig on friday night.. not with a glass however - just my boot. I like to leave my mark when dancing like a lunatic...
Ye olde time fitz cowboy, nice, I think fitz the show girl works better, maybe you can go with the theme for your hair assignment .
I am interested to know what other things you are to cross off that list, and what you have crossed off already
And this from the Captain,if Derek is dirty why would he need to have a photo with his cane.Wouldn’t his cane be exposed in the shot. I have many pictures of myself placing items where my cane should be, such as garden hose (with water spouting) , garden axe, and tree branches. No I’m not a lumberjack, however I have cut down a lot of trees, at my mother’s nagging greenies
KR
Captain
I am surprised you wanted to go to the Gold Coast. Please don't stay there too long - you might catch something awful.
Oh my god, N ... your blog!
Just reading it made me want to go and purge - how can you be so disciplined? No cheese for two months?
Go on, anon, have a puke. You know you want to
Well thank goodness; at least someone is thinking of the children...
"Now that I have explained the disease, you should be able to identify the symptoms for yourself. ‘Ah Ha!’ You will no doubt exclaim. ‘That explains it!’
Notice how much make up she has on when she appears on the telly.
This is to cover her grey pallor, blotches and flaky skin, all characteristic of the heavy smoker.
When she is doing a broadcast, she first takes a pot glass of honey, lemon juice, aspirin and hot water, which soothers her vocal chords, thus allowing her to speak in a youthful, feminine manner.
However, as the broadcast wears on, her voice gradually hoarsens and becomes gravelly,
until she sounds like a fifty-five year old builders labourer. Listen carefully next time she’s on.
Her lank hair is further evidence, the state of one’s hair being very revealing of one’s lifestyle."
That's gold.
Fitsy dahling,
I swear it was you I saw the other day in Marx'. You looked even more ravishing than on tv - though I did whiff a ciggy smell! Naughty girl. Keep on keeping on. Big ups!
I went to Movieworld once and was chosen to join in the Memphis Belle show.
Just one of the perks of being high as a elephant's eye.
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