VALENSI
Last night my friend Glenny G and I went to the Grand Hyatt to interview a member of the Strokes for our radio show.
We were told in advance that we were to be speaking with this particular young man
which was okay by us, even though most of you by now know I'm a little more partial to our darker-haired Stroke brother
.Anyhow.
We waited in the foyer while pretty much everyone else in the band goofed around (Fabrizio was in exemplary 'form', thank you) until the PR led us into a spacious conference room where we set up and waited for guitarist Nick Valensi.
Then he walked in.
The first thing I want to say is that I've never really been romantically enamoured of Nick Valensi. I've always thought him too gaunt; too startled-fawn, too gangly. He's always verged on the sucked-in-cheeks overpretty side for me, which has never really been an issue as my attention has previously been focussed on the drum riser.
The second thing I want to say is that Glenn is one of the most heterosexual men I have ever met.
The third thing I want to say is that Nick Valensi is so fucking breathtaking in the flesh that we were cactus.
He completely charmed us. He was wonderfully prepared for the interview, carrying the list of his top 5 rooting songs in on a piece of paper. He made a few sweet off-colour jokes. He bonded with us over Trapped In The Closet. He turned his piercing gaze on Glenn who went eight shades of pink and started playing with his hair.
We were utterly disarmed.
My favourite part was post-interview (though obviously Glenn and I could have sat and stared openly at him for at least another twelve hours), where my beloved friend and I tumbled out into the real world like giddy schoolgirls, sighing openly at the man's overwhelmingly perfect everythingness.
Glenn: Did you see his vest?
Me: I loved his vest.
Glenn: I'm going to get a vest like that.
Me: Let me see the photo again.
Glenn: I look way too overexcited in that photo.
Me: I'm going to have it tattooed on my back.
Glenn: I'm going to go to sleep listening to his voice in the interview.
Me: OMFG NICK VALENSI TURNED YOU GAY.
Glenn: ALLOW ME MY DREAMS, HOMOPHOBE.
*********
Champagne and oysters in the hotel foyer opened us up to a whole new language.
Me: These oysters are truly Valensi.
Glenn: Aren't they?
Me: I think we should add that word to the dictionary.
Glenn: (raising his glass) Bon Valensi.
Me: VALENSI.
Glenn: Can I see the photo again?
Me: He looks so Valensi in that photo.
Glenn: Is there such a thing as too Valensi?
Me: I doubt it.
Glenn: (sighing happily) Valensi.
I won't write about the part where Glenn waved hello to him when he came out on stage and we watched him play, holding hands like overly proud parents.
Life can deal you some pretty Valensi cards sometimes.
p.s. VALENSI.
460 days til the next election.
Comments
OMG GLENNY G HAS TURNED WTF LOLOLOL?
glenny valensi.
GLENNY V.
has a nice ring to it i think.
Do you think he could turn me straight?
maybe you could start a whole new sexuality.
Valencisexual.
Valensi could turn anyone ANYTHING, bec.
I didn't include the bit when Glenn and I went out onto the street and he said:
- You know, if he wasn't in the Strokes he'd probably still be famous. Just for being...Valensi.
p.s. richardwatts - sadly, Glenny is a one-man man. Valensi or bust.
Could somebody please tell me what his top 5 rooting songs were? Perhaps I could follow him around with a ghetto-blaster, playing said songs, hoping he will root me. Five times.
Is Nick the one that is making it with press whore Amanda De Cadenat who is now pregnant with a baby Stroke?
Golly I hope not.
Confirmed!
http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1215756,00.html
Don't hate me because I can't link, people.
In case you haven't heard, I
will be waiting outside the 3RRR madhouse from 9.30 pm tomorrow night with the aim of asking you a few quick questions...if I don't call on Tracee Hutchison tomorrow morning, that is.
I take it you know what inspired the theme of this year's 3RRR radiothon and other catastrophes.
Valensi is way too pretty. I spoke to him very briefly last year when i snapped this pic.
you know what, i'm not partial to him. he looks ok in your photo fits, but in daniel's one, he's a turn off. and NOT because of the photo, daniel. i prefer the other boy, because of the way he has his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth.
Looking at daniel's Valensi photo, I think I've interviewed him as well, earlier this year for Summer Breakfast. His cheekbones are positively dangerous, they're that sharp...
*yawn*
So were The Strokes any good? The lead singer annoys me, but I have to admit "Is This It" is one of the only albums I own where every single song is good.
Is it just me, or in daniel's photo does he look like a cross between Tim Rogers and a gelfing from "The Dark Crystal"?
The Dark Crystal! Yes! At first I was thinking Frodo and Sam, but gelfings... indeed.
Is it sad that was the first movie I cried in? I must've been about 6 years old I think.
Who the fuck is this Hudson character? Maybe he should consider upping his medication?
Anon, go blow smoke up your arse and die of anal cancer.
Tex Martini and MichelleSarah, thank you so fucking much for reminding me of the childhood nightmares inspired by the Skesis in that fucking movie.
Now might be a good time to reveal that I have in fact kissed Nick Valensi. It was during the 2001 tour they did with You Am I.
I thought he was a bit of a fuckwit, but then again I am a bit of a bitch.
i'm not claiming anything like those cheekbones/appeal, but my family name a few generations back was valent*.
before one of my great-great-greats back in sicily who happened to be a bit of a yo-yo knickers had a hillside frolic among the goats with an itinerant celery salesman (this particular type of celery had a name not dissimilar to my existing family name).
*this is not an exaggeration or fabrication – thanks to that unquenchable sicilian fire in an ancestor's smalls, i am now named after a type of small mediterranean celery. awes.
A combination of Brian Molko and Daniel Johns already turned me head as an impressionable teenager, but Valensi has made me feel that all over again. That age old confusion of attraction, admiration and jealousy in equal parts.
Damn you, pretty boys.
Anon, yawning is most unvalensi
No, you're right its not a comment - but a shamefaced attempt to promote my own sadly ignored self indulengent blog. O for godsake just go have a sodding look. Sorry Ms, I'II never, never ride on your back again - well, not metaphorically....
http://ninospirelli.blogspot.com/
Some myths about restaurants are easily dismissed. For starters, no-one in their right mind could honestly think that female chefs actually tend to have big inviting brown eyes, great tits, wear spotless black cashmere turtleneck sweaters and moan while they mix ingredients. In fact the last one I worked with had the physique of a stunted fifty year old diesel train driver who would occasionally grunt in what we only guessed was Croatian. Personally I don't mind watching boring Delia Smith, with her boring English commentary explaining how to whip up boring English baked things with the view of her boring English garden through the kitchen window of her boring English house. One of my friends once said of Delia, that woman''s rod up her arse has got a rod up its arse. But I disagree. She might look like a Laura Ashley rabbit stunned by headlights but for mine she's a true subversive.
My theory is that people like Gordon Ramsey because they believe him, and I think that they believe him because every now he says "fuck". We never swanned around talking in cliches and catch phrases. We swore a lot. There's no boundary to profanity in a real kitchen. You might be there quietly working your way chopping through a sack of unions, minding your own business, when you'd hear a chef slam down their knife and loudly threaten a badly turned out terrine. Oh you. Oh you cunt. Oh you fucking cunt. You fucking cunty fucking cunt I'm going cut your fucking cunty head off, right here. I'm going to fucking cut your fucking cunty head off and fucking fuck your fucking throat hole. I'm going to fucking fuck your fucking cunty throat hole till you FUCKING CHOKE. You hear that you FUCK. Till you FUCKING CHOKE, you fucking cunty fucking fuck. It wouldn't make sense. They'd be shouting at a terrine, be shaking a threatening fist at the mildly deformed thing slightly quivering in the middle of a plate, as if it would make some sort of difference. Now, you won't hear that on Jamie Oliver. Actually when said with the right accent, French for example, it's pretty funny. And you'd know you're in a real kitchen when three hours later the Head Chef barks out an order for one lamb, two fish, green salad and a cunty terrine.
The buzz word around my group of friends for anything good/bad or otherwise was highly selassie, or highly or salassie.
For example:
Me: I had a highly salassie time at the buzzcocks gig.
Nik: Yes, it was highly
I like valensi too.
WTF is it with that SPAM from Spirelli? Huh? Huh?
O fuck I confess, its a plug (as in butt). But I like the association between Spirelli and spam. The wise among you who visit my amatuerish site will discover a unique Siscilian recipe for Seagull with Peas. I kid you not. A thousand apologies Ms F. I mean it.....
i once met Julian Casablanca and he said 'hey' and i said 'howzitgoin'?' and he said 'yeah'... i can't compete, can i?
valensi.
Nick Valensi is my favourite Stroke guy (though Fab comes in a close second). You guys are so lucky!
... and I'm gonna be using the valensi adjective from now on too. It'll be the new "fetch" (sorry, that was lame).
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