Reasons you will hate me

Not to alarm you Fits but I was involved with a footy club that played matches at Victoria Park last weekend and we were told that your car WILL be broken into (via the sublte method of window smashage - they're clearly professionls) should anything of remote value be left visible therein.

To cap things off a number of trainers and the club doctor had their bags pinched from the club rooms during the matches.

Colourful place though...

If the blogosphere weren't so full of weirdos like us, I'd suggest everyone come and bodyguard.
That's the only suggestion I've got, sorry.

Not really relevant, consider it a little house warming gift...Or a welcome distraction from moving house!http://www.angusandrobertson.com.au/products/detailed.asp?bookid=9781843172147&db=us
Love the idea of turning the table on all the Friday Q&A submitters, i confess i am rather nosy by nature though.

Hooray for Collingwood! My advice: don't both locking the car at all. And also, after a while you stop noticing the screaming weirdos. Really. It just all blends in.

Now now, you're not going to be carjacked. I'm pretty sure they'll wait until you're not in the car before attempting to make away with it/jemmy open the glovebox etc.

Cheer up Charlie, Collingwood's a nice place.

my tip, if you get sick of having your car windows smashed, is to leave one down. i had mine smashed quite a few times (in fremantle, WA so not a reflection on your new neighbourhood); i never left anything valuable in my car so getting stuff stolen wasn't the issue. now i always leave a window down to facilitate easy access, and i haven't had to fork out for a new window, or clean up broken glass, since then.

i will gIve you the same advice a colleague gave me yesterday when i went to meet a photographer who wants to photograph me dancing on a pole:

YOU BETTER START PACKING HEAT, WOMAN!

i should mention, leaving the doors unlocked didn't work, they still used to smash a window to get in. i have no idea why.

Buck up Fitsy,

I live a coupla suburbs down in a similar neighbourhood (let me tell you about the Easter I had to give mouth-to-mouth to someone who OD'd in my back lane one day). While a couple of friends have had their cars stolen, mine has been left alone. It's because we look after our own in the City of Yarra.

In fact, the only time I've had something stolen from my car was in the bowels of darkest Toorak.

Oh, you really should get a one of those plastic mask things for doing mouth-to-mouth safely. That's how we'll know you're a local.

I've been robbed in a few places – including the old "it's hot so we'll just leave a door open oh wow my wallet is gone" – but the trade off has been that they were great suburbs in terms of lifestyle, food, bars, friends... all you need to do is double-check the old locks and get down to having fun.

also DON'T WEAR ANYTHING BLUE!!! except if you're east of Hoddle St, then DON'T WEAR ANYTHING RED!!!

get insurance.

it's not too late, fits. move in with us, in a very nice family and old people safe place with an rsl just up the road and plenty of chemists.

it doesn't matter that it's south of the river.

but you may just have to allow for the fact that your SOUL will get sucked out of your body.

It sounds like someone was trying to offload the property and left out some crucial details... I'm sure it's really quite a lovely place and it's not like junkies/thieves are the only people in the area...

I have OCD tendencies (a polite way of saying I'm a bit of a control freak at times) and have always used www.roomarranger.com to work out the furniture placement - particularly in a couple of places that were a tight fit (ooh err missus). Very handy. Only drawback for you might be that it doesn't run on a Mac, as far as I know.

Good luck Fitsy; if it makes you feel any safer, we're currently facing a string of shootings/stabbings here in London that started two streets up from my girlfriend's place, and have been progressively working their way towards my flat...

I had my windows smashed when I used to live in Freo, San. It's those stoners from Spearwood. Or Eagles slime because of jealousy.

This will solve all of your problems. Seriously. Especially if you can somehow reenact the infamous Parking Lot scene.

"ooooo, I might get robbed....ooooo, there might be druggies......ooooo, and weirdos too....How exciting!"

Stupid bitch. Get back to the nice suburb you were raised in.

Gee, Hermann's a bit of a fucking charmer eh?

Hermann is actually my parents in disguise, willing me to move home with them.

J said...
This will solve all of your problems.


My, what a lovely design.

Em.

Collingwood is fine...

Just watch out for used needles and condoms, unless that's part of your schtick,

Em.

If you go with J's solution, you'll be forever telling people what a stunning ring you have! :-)

No, now look here. The solution is simple. Here's the plan. We lobby Government and get them to do the following. Buy a shipload of smack from Korea. Buy a shitload of certain death drug from wherever. Mix the two, devide into a couple of million hits. Hand out free to the junkies of Australia and watch them foam at the mouth until dead. So simple. Crime rate cut by 75%. Dickhead population reduced by 50%. Substantial genepool benefits. Its a winner all round

"No, now look here. The solution is simple. Here's the plan. We lobby Government and get them to do the following. Buy a shipload of smack from Korea. Buy a shitload of certain death drug from wherever. Mix the two, devide into a couple of million hits. Hand out free to the junkies of Australia and watch them foam at the mouth until dead. So simple. Crime rate cut by 75%. Dickhead population reduced by 50%. Substantial genepool benefits. Its a winner all round"


Andrew Bolt - glad to see you've stopped lurking and have decided to post!

Fitsy, we lived in Collingwood for 3 years, in a little house made of sticks. We once watched a guy in overalls pissing in the (daylight) doorway of one of those warehouse joints up on Oxford Street. The owner arrived home and yelled out to the guy to piss in a toilet like everyone else. The tradey bolted back up the street, pulling a screwdriver out of his back pocket, and lunged at the suit. No doubt you will know better than to ship Nth Fitzroy sensibilities down to the 'Wood, but do be careful.

We now live in Nth Fitzroy, where the sun always shines, the residents are on permanent holiday, and the junkies say please and thank you.

PS: Hermann, thanks for ruining my day with your bile.

Hey fitsy,

Collingwood is a strange and dusty suburb but the drunks are quite charming if you give em a chance and the junkies usually stick to their own. You'll be LOLZing with the best of them after a fortnight here about all the syringes you see.

Like joseph said, cheer up charlie! You'll be apples in no time.

(alright, I confess, I've lived here for a year and never really liked it. I want to move back to Nth Fitz where it really is sunny, all the time)

Oh but, now I think about it, in more better news to you - my friends lived on johnston st, right next to the brothel there (they shared a wall with the brothel in fact), and used to leave their front door open all the time. They never had anything stolen, ever.

Let’s not be too hard on Hermann. I think he has a point. Some people live in rough areas because they can’t afford better. Others come as tourists, because they find the local colour quaint. Which are you? As the semi-official “voice of youth” (at least in the eyes of the 50-something set) you’re being published left, right and centre and last year you co-produced and wrote an entire 20-something hours of television virtually single handed, so you certainty can’t cry poor.

So why exactly are you moving to Collingwood?

Anonymous said "... you certainty can’t cry poor. So why exactly are you moving to Collingwood?"

Bloody hell - I'm a corporate lawyer and live in collingwood because other inner-city suburbs are out of my price range.

Collingwood is pretty expensive. Besides, if I lived in N Fitzroy I'd have no money left for coke and hookers

Hey Herbert,

I know someone who used to live next door to that brothel too! One time when it was closed a mute guy came looking for the establishment and knocked on her door. She knew he was after the brothel cos he did the ol' poke the imaginary dickfinger thru the gineyfingers and looked questioningly at her.

What's not to like about Collingwood?

Anon - just because there are some colourful characters doesn't necessarily make it cheap (is anywhere cheap in the current rental climate? An inconvenient truth to be sure [arrr?])

For every decrepit hole there's some shiny studio apartment - cf Oxford St. That's what gives Collingwood its nice mix.

Ah, corporate lawyer type person - you beat me to it - damn... I mean... I concur.

But isn’t that the point, Yubris? If you want the mix then don’t whine about the mix. The blog entry was about her shock and horror at the fact that there are loads of freaks in Collingwood. So perhaps Hermann was just speaking for all the long-term locals who resent latte sippers moving into an area because they like the “colour”, then coming on all shocked and horrified when someone breaks into their car.

wait, wait, are you saying there is a gentrification process? shit, how long has this been going on? is it limited to collingwood? who knows what other late breaking revelations will be dropped in this comments section, i for one am glued to my seat (not literally).

No, that's not the point - the point that I was objecting to was that Collingwood is universally cheap.

Besides, it's hardly a "whine". Faux shock at the most - it is, after all, just an amusing anecdote.

Sorry if I'm shattering anyone's dreams, but there ain't much money in writing and producing Aussie TV. I doubt Last Man Standing kept Fitsy in beer money for long.

Anonymous said...
"i for one am glued to my seat"

Now, if you were from Collingwood you'd be too busy sniffing around your arse to post.

I wouldn't worry. All the most interesting places in the world are riddled with sex, drugs and crime. If you really want to feel "alive", hang around places where an ever present air of imminent death and social dysfunction abounds. You will never doubt your sanity again.

Or you can move to Glen Waverley, and drink mugaccinos at the mall until you puke.