What happens when your drug dealer is on drugs*.
- He calls you 'baby'.
- He buys you vodka tonics.
- He says: 'Don't worry about giving me two hundred and forty dollars right now! Just do it later, when you're ready!'
- He puts a pally arm around you and gives you the thumbs up when the band starts playing, saying: 'How good is this? We should dance together!'
- He tries very awkwardly to pogo with you.
- He says: 'I haven't seen you in two years, man! You're looking so well! Look at you! You're looking great!'
- He asks you to touch his hair.
- He does obscure things like getting the bouncer to give you a set of keys and then nodding knowingly at you from the other side of the room when you grow puzzled.
- He gets kicked out of the venue and everyone is somewhat relieved.
* As witnessed at last night's Dallas Crane gig at the Hi-Fi Bar. The Crane were fighting fit and the entire place went spastic and they are officially one of my favourite bands ever. Go and buy their record now because my mum likes it.
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Ms Fits. What kind of drugs did you get? Were they shitty. My dear friend who lives in Melbourne says that the drugs there are rather shitty.
My X dealer died about two years ago. They never said what he died of but I think it was from taking too many drugs. He once said "Yeah, I took 11 pills at the same time once I rolled my balls off." Then he liked to make his own Cherry-Flavored Special K. But he does not brag or do much of anything anymore because he is dead.
I like to talk about drugs because that way people know right away that I am cool. I try and mention that I once lived in Amsterdam for six months as often as I can. Sometimes I just wait for somebody to simply mention the name a place, like "We went to Hawaii on our Honeymoon." OR "California has nice weather." And then BAM! Right away I tell them I lived in A'dam (that's the cool way to say Amsterdam in case you are not cool) I know the Dutch words for chicken, good bye, I love you, thank you, delicious and scrotum. It's hard to use them all in one sentence but I always try when I talk to Dutch people. Well, now that you know how cool I am, my work here is done.
So... tot ziens, klootzaks!
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