What is VEGAN?
Hidy-ho, fans of Ben Lee! I am in country Victoria, freezing my behind away and staring prettily out at cherry blossoms whilst drinking endless cups of peppermint tea. It is idyllic to say the least, and please do be forgiving if my posts
The place I am hiding out in is a beautiful caretaker's bungalow overlooking a VEGAN GUEST HOUSE. This means I am living in a VEGAN's house. The VEGAN who usually lives in my abode is also a RAW FOODIAN which means he only eats RAW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. This RAW FOODIAN/VEGAN does not have a STOVE because he does not COOK his VEGAN FOOD. So I go and cook down in the guest house kitchen and eat back in my bungalow. This is no big deal. I can adapt to change. When it suits me.
I am trying to be respectful and not eat meat, eggs or dairy in the house. But I get confused. Today I panicked that the pearl barley I was using somehow contained dead bits of cows and that some fucking hippy would round the corner and drop their djembe with a horrified gasp upon spotting me.
SOMEONE PLEASE ADVISE ME ON THE FOLLOWING MATTERS:
1. ARE TWISTIES VEGAN?
2. ARE JELLYBABIES VEGAN?
3. IS RED WINE VEGAN?
4. WHAT ABOUT GIN?
5. IS COCAINE VEGAN?
6. ARE BLOW JOBS VEGAN?
Do please hurry. I am starting to feel faint from all the vegetables.
769 days til the next election.
Comments
Blowjobs are vegan as long as you don't swallow. Check if the jellybabies have gelatin in them, if they do, they are not vegan.
does that mean that all vegans don't swallow?
1. ARE TWISTIES VEGAN? - even though they are not considered officially as food, they are not vegan
2. ARE JELLYBABIES VEGAN? - see above. No gelatin and you're okay to consume them
3. IS RED WINE VEGAN? as long as there are no animal flavourings you should be fine. Or if the wine was made by smelly locals who foot pressed the grapes and left their toe jam...
4. WHAT ABOUT GIN? consume by the bottle
5. IS COCAINE VEGAN? haven't heard otherwise
6. ARE BLOW JOBS VEGAN? see 'anonymous' above and you must rinse well after the fact.
I miss you already...
1. ARE TWISTIES VEGAN? - Which ones? The cheese ones or the chicken ones?
3. IS RED WINE VEGAN? - The issue with wines are the products used to filter and clarify the wine. They stick eggs in shit white wine and I've heard (but as yet not confirmed) that some red wine is filtered through bone char.
6. ARE BLOW JOBS VEGAN? - "see 'anonymous' above and you must rinse well after the fact." This, along with the 'breast milk is not vegan' and 'hitler was a vegetarian', is a common fallacy. In addition to the fact that (hopefully) no animal is being exploited, we were designed to share these fluids with each other. Eat up - it's going to come out regardless, and it beats leaving a sticky mess on the sheets/carpet.
NO, only blow-jobs. You must eschew all yummy things and only eat carob, whilst repeating 'My Body Is a Temple' in a really obnoxious voice.
You may, however, feel free to take as much opium, magic mushrooms and even tabs of acid as you want and the occasional e*
Although now it seems all the hippies are into smack, so just eat a cow and forget it.
* only if at a bush doof
Having said all that, you shouldn't be expected to know all of the ins-and-outs of veganism in order to stay in a vegan's house. Thanks to a legacy of reactionary pseudo-neo-nazi browbeaters people have this misconception that you have to tiptoe around vegans with your food. I expect people to respect my lifestyle choices even if they don't necessarily agree with them, therefore I should respect the choices of others.
OK, better stop lest this turn into a serious rant.
i think coke is vegan, unless you are cutting it with a steak.
oh and beer (if you are having a chaser with the gin or red wine) sometimes isn't vegan - fish is somehow, sometimes, used in the filtering process.
Carlton Draught is one I know does it.
I'd watch the wine. I once had a cheap goon that said 'may contain traces of egg, chicken, nuts or fish'. I drank it anyway, it all contributed to that good ol' goony taste I reckon.
Since when does Ben Lee have fans?
what are you feeding your poor, poor dog?
The term "animal product" in a vegan context refers to a product derived from humans and animals without their consent. It stand to reason, therefore, that blowjobs are vegan, as long as you have the other person(s) consent.
So on that logic, if you ask the cow nicely first, and it doesn't object (silence means consent, remember), then the steak is vegan anyway. Hurrah!
Everyone's always worried about offending the vegan. Personally the vegans offend me. They do things like wear fake leather, made of petrochemicals, that will pollute the earth for millions of years. At least leather decomposes.
And Hitler *was* a vegetarian. It's not a myth.
Can I please, please come and visit?
rogue: If you visit, you shouldn't come. It's not vegan.
Cunnilingus, as well as blowjobs, conflicts with vegan views.
Therefore if you like cunnilingus, you should make a point of enjoying a nice, large, rare, T-bone steak with a side helping of bacon right there in the middle of the house.
jelly babies arent vegan
Six Feet Under posed the question: Do Vegan mothers breast feed?
Is rooting Justin Burford from End of Fashion vegan?
If so, can we use the shack for a few hours?
Rebekka, leather is not biodegradable after tanning/dying/treating.
The Hitler thing is so fucking stupid anyway, but here:
http://www.veg.ca/newsletr/mayjun96/hitler.html
I've done a bit of research about this. The only sources I can find that say leather isn't biodegradable are vegetarian and vegan newsletters, the animal liberation front, and Peta. Forgive me for thinking that perhaps these are not the most unbiased source of information about leather. Everything else I can find says that leather does break down slowly because of the tanning process - taking between 25-40 years to break down - but that's still a hellava lot faster than faux leather made of petrochemicals, which breaks down NEVER. And vegetarian newsletters are not a credible source of information about Hitler either.
Like wood it just takes time to break down, true leather is certainly bio-degradable.
As to alcoholic products being vegan, it depends if you count yeast cells. In both wine and gin, the yeast is killed off.
But Rebekkah, just because they have an interest doesn't mean the info is always wrong. I'm aware of bias, and the one area I don't trust is some health info from vegan sources.
What I don't like is that nitpicking about other 'sins' they may be committing like not being perfect environmentalists. It's always more about trying to make someone look bad than from a genuine concern over the issue at hand. So a jacket doesn't biodegrade - who's to say vegans all wear friggin' pleather anyway and that many don't try to make conscious consumer choices. Besides, if it doesn't biodegrade it might not wear out anyway and can get reused.
It's hardly nitpicking to point out that people are doing something bad to the planet. Kind of essential to all our survival, actually.
You are probably right when you say not all vegans wear fake leather. The ones I've met do. It never wears out. It's not going to be re-used forever. It's made by oil mining, which kills a hellava lot of animals, causes a lot of pollution, and supports some of the nastiest corporations on the planet.
I don't actually care what people eat or wear. What I care about is how those choices affect the planet I live on. And when people walk about all smug-I-don't-kill-animals, wearing products of the oil industry it pisses me off. It probably pisses them off when they see me in my full length leather coat and fox fur collar too, so I figure we're about even.
i like ben lee.
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