What Women Want.
I'm not sure I'm totally qualified to write about what women want. Particularly when it comes to boys. My taste in men has varied wildly, giving the impression that I am either a deranged sight-impaired psychotic or someone with a desperate need for affection. I have dated a 6'3" St.Kilda footballer and an alcoholic hermit a head shorter than me. I fell for a death-metal drummer named Fabio with a full back tattoo, and a crazy Italian who did graffiti pictures of me on train station walls. I like boys who make me laugh, but I'm not averse to someone curling themselves up into a ball and weeping about their ex-girlfriend at the foot of my bed either.
In short, I have no type.
However if you turned me into some kind of sick, unorthodox plastic surgeon/mad time travelling scientist with a god complex and forced me at gunpoint to create my perfect man even though I was crying for mercy the whole time and shouting I CANNOT I CANNOT IT IS SHEER MADNESS OH GOD MY LIFE'S WORK OH GOD PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN then I would choose the following bits from the following people:
The political poison of Bob Ellis.
Because I like my men obsessively Left-wing and with god-like prosaic skills.
The sharp wit of Conan O'Brien.
He once wrote for The Simpsons. And while any fucker trying out a chummy 'd'oh!' makes me want to slap, those amongst you slyly throwing in a cleverer, lesser-known quote are more than welcome in my pants.
Plus, Conan is sharp, off-the-cuff and looks slick in a suit. You wish you were him.
A heady scent.
And I'm not necessarily talking about cologne, although you're welcome to wear that and drive me crazy too. But I want to put my face in your neck and inhale. And I want it to be buttery musk so potent I need a cup of Horlicks and a lie-down.
The raw, unbridled sexuality of Josh Homme.
Look at him. It's like all he does is fuck and play guitar. He is so rude it feels dirty even eyeing his picture. Also he is incredibly rock and probably drinks straight from the carton without wiping .
The unutterably lovely brain of Daniel Kitson.
Conan might be smart, but no-one is this smart.
A beer belly.
But just a small one. Why? Because it shows that a boy eats and drinks well. And you must be obsessed with food if we are to get along. Obsessed.
John Cusack's psychotic love of music in High Fidelity.
Looking like John Cusack wouldn't hurt either, just quietly. But mostly I fall in love with people who get weird about their record collections and make mix tapes. Potential seducers of women take note! MIX. TAPES. That is all.
Tommy Lee's member.
Dude, have you seen that video? The guy is packing heat.
Of course I realise that if I were given the magic powers to put all these lovely men together, my dream date would probably end up looking like this:
But fuck, who cares? At least he'll have Tommy Lee's cock.
826 days til the next election.
p.s. Why don't you go visiting to check out what the other ladies are up to on official What Women Want day:
clem: www.lightningstruckitself.blogspot.com
darcy: www.theseminakedtruth.blogspot.com
elmo: www.floatingsignifier.com
fluffy: www.fluffyasacat.blogspot.com
fucksters: www.fucksters.blogspot.com
jelly: www.jellyfishonline.blogspot.com
jess: www.ausculture.com/blog
la nadine: www.nadstown.boudist.com
ms cynic: www.whingers.blogspot.com
mystiiix: www.textual-harassment.blogspot.com
sugar: www.themissingingredient.blogspot.com
ukelele: www.isthisthingstillswitchedon.blogspot.com.
Comments
Inspiring. I am a woman, so feel overly-qualified to also tell the world what I want, only my blog's not working so I will do it here:
(1) The in-depth political knowledge of Kerry O'Brien (http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/ )
combined with
(2) the voice of Fred Astereo (http://www.fredastereo.com )
add a touch of
(3) the humour and creativity of Joss Whedon (http://whedonesque.com/ )
and a sprinkling of
(4) the ardour of Mr Darcy
(http://www.janeausten.co.uk/graphics/firth.jpg )
and if they could
(5) look like Dan Brodie (http://www.dan-brodie.com/gallery.htm )
that wouldn't be all bad either.
Surely that's not asking so much?
thank you, most beautiful of misses.
i want you here now.
You posted that just so I would touch myself again, didn't you?
rebekka, you must be into bald men if you like a man to look like dan brodie.... i think that is why he has such affection for cowboy hats... they hide a multitude of sins...
Rocky ROOOOAD?
$BDW$
Oh no, Fitsy! Your ordinarily deific prose skills seem to have shown a fleck of mortality.
But hey, your etymological talents are still sharp.
Ms Fits can I borrow your Tommy Lee video? I'll lend you my copy of The Dirt.
Hmm, that now reads more snide than I intended it. Anyway, happy watchamacallit day.
I never considered the final product of my mix-mashing of men. Perhaps what this woman wants is a little more foresight.
Oh, and peeps, Ms Fits is 100% correct. You had me at "have this mix tape."
I'm back.
"Sit perfectly still: only I may dance!"
Rocky Road!!! Classic. $BDW$, I had almost forgotten one of my favourite childhood movies. Ah, the nostalgia. It's so.... nostalgic.
Women also want NOT to be defined by two hours of crap starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt.
I like your list.
PS - Am I your sort of guy? I've just had someone tell me that I look like a Calvin Klein Faggot. Very cruel.
Everything but the beer belly....
*sculls fifteen beers*
wonderful.
with conan o'brien in there, you wouldnt even need the membership of tommy lee. have you seen the size of the shoes on conan????
just makes me wonder what would have happened if tommy lee wrote for the simpsons?
or maybe he did... once (episode 2F07: grandpa v exual inadequacy, or 'break my wife please' series15)
I'm almost your perfect man. I have a beer gut and I look like the last picture.
Lady bloggers you should remember today that if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.
Oh, and this post indicates that your politics is... on second thoughts i won't go there today.
Dan is SO not bald! I saw him about a month ago, sans hat, not bald! Check out the photos on my blog - or this one here -
http://storage.msn.com/x1phIegJYkB8zPtSKlm5rPmKDgWtuNLTU_pwGa5GmwRdm_kzQN6WEksYPVQbsgCn3o0kQloBCScFMlp1X4PODLVfWYaiDCKdOOqZ-rk7cuf7jJ0_b2vfUJGblJE1Qf0M_b7nvVJk_bS7LuGpaUt5i_4pg
We were talking and I could observe his scalp quite closely!!
Hmmm... I thought you were an atheist, Aleks?
I am. That's why I said the bible has taught us nothing else.
Das Kapital on the other hand....
rebekka.... advanced hair... yeah yeah
rebekka.... advanced hair... yeah yeah
rebekka.... advanced hair... yeah yeah
Last Man Standing 2: What Women Want! Coming soon to Channel Seven.
Oh well, advanced hair or no, he still doesn't *look* bald - and he's got lovely eyes.
Ms Fits - do you require the services of an extremely well endowed man because ... mmmmm ...how do I put this politely ... I know ... when someone is performing fellatio on you and they speak do you hear an echo?
Also on you sidebar - hasn't it said "irritatingly smug 29 year old" for well over a year???
It said 28 year old until I turned 29 on May 26th this year.
And yes, I have got an enormous vagina. Well done, you.
No link to my post. Did you not read it. Surely you find me somewhat amusing. I've posted about music, (a passion), I'm clear on my political stance (yet incredibly maleable, I am crap at maths but I got 63% in my English exam at school and I didn't even study, did not pick up a book. I play the guitar and my songs are satirical yet, rocky, at times poppy but always, wordy. (you love words. I'll tell you why I like you Miss Fitz(gerald?). Because you write like Amis. (martin or kingsley?) You decide.
But I'm prattling now.
But I'm prattling now.
Maybe fat ol' drunken Bob can get it up long enough to give you a paternity suit -- he's no stranger to it -- and give you something to live on when LMS crashes and burns...
Dare to dream, Anon.
NOTE TO SELF:
WHAT WOMEN WANT:
not to be teased about their age
&
not to be teased about the volume/capacity of their reproductive organs
Comments are closed.