Reasons you will hate me

Where the wild friends are.

*ring ring*







'The doctor is in.'







'Beano, it's T-bags.'






'The Abmaster 3000! Good to hear from you, bru. How's that saucy wench of a wife yours these days?'






'Margaret? She's fine.'







'What did she think of that mix cd I sent her?'







'Oh, she...ah, she thought it was...great.'







'Favourite track?'







'Ah....'







'Was it Dizzee Rascal? That shit is da bomb.'







'Sure. That's what it was.'








'Damn straight. Actually T-bird, I'm mightily glad you called. I've been meaning to catch you on the blower for a while.'







'Oh?'






'Well, things have been kind of chaotic. I mean, everyone in the canteen is calling me Sister Helen Prejean. They think I don't notice but I do.'







'Ouch.'








'Look, I don't mind. I like a laugh as much as the next guy. You know that, right? We've shared some laughs together, haven't we?'







'Sure. I guess.'








'Remember that time we made up all those sweet jokes?'








'Yep.'







'The one about the twelve-month waiting list for the Irish abortion clinic made me LOL for about eight days. Ask anyone! Wee came out!'








'Listen, Brindle - '








'Do you know why I wanted to call you, T? Do you?'








'Not really.'








'I wanted to say thank you.'








'.......'








'Hello?'







'...Thank you for what?'









'For standing by me through the tough times.'







'.........'







'I'm the first to admit I've made some mistakes. But I'm in this to win it! I can smell victory! I can smell what The Rock is cooking!'







'...Okay...'







'Can you smell what The Rock is cooking, Tony?'







'........'







'I own six guitars!'







'........'







'Six, Tony!!'





'I know.'







'Anyhoo, that's what I've always loved about you. Your loyalty. Your ability to stand by your mates in times of crisis. And your ears. THEY ARE LIKE SEASHELLS OF FLESH ADORNING YOUR SKULL AHAHAHAHAHAHAA.'






'..........'






'Tony?'







'.......'






'I'm counting on you, Tony.'







'.............'







'One day it's going to be you and me. You and me, Tony. We'll show them that we've made it.'







'...........'







'I think this is a bad line. Can I call you back?'







'....Sure.'







'Which number will you be on?'







'I...ah....I'm not sure yet.'







'Oh.'







'Maybe I'll call you when I figure out...where I'll be.'







'Okay.'







'Catch you around.'







'One more thing, Tony!'







'Yes?'







'I own six guitars!!!'







'.................'







'And a motorbike!!!!!!'







'....I have to go.'







'Missing you already, champ.'






'...Yeah. You too.'




*click*











'.....................'

























'.....................'


































'.....................'













































'Six guitars.'

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