Where the wild things are.
Lord, am I on the wrong side of politics.
I mean, certainly the Left are all well-meaning and, you know, 'feed the world/Let Them Know It's Christmas' and so on, but WHERE IS THE DRAMA. Once Mark 'Bruiser' Latham hung up his gloves and stopped randomly spouting off swears about lady journalists and headbutting photographers, we seemed to lose our fizz. Blah blah blah, IR reform, blah blah blah, roosters, blah blah blah Julia Gillard's a fantapants.
Where are the fisticuffs? Where is the hot rampant sex?
Where, in other words, is Brendan Rowswell?
If I may quote yesterday's paper:
'The Young Liberal embroiled in a Big Brother-style sex scandal is being investigated over alleged sacist and anti-semitic slurs.
Brendan Rowswell, media officer for Indi MP Sophie Mirabelle, was investigated last month by party bosses over claims he 'nuzzled' his head into a female colleague's chest.
Mr. Rowswell is now facing claims of an alleged 'racist slur' in a photograph caption in Right Angles, a magazine he edited. He also is fighting claims he launched into an anti-semitic rant against a Jewish colleague. Muslim leaders want Prime Minister John Howard to investigate the claim over the magazine.'
Reports that the last Young Labor conference was rocked by a) the passing around of a non-recyclable tin to collect money for Oxfam, b) a distinct lack of Monte Carlo biscuits and c) widespread offence over the use of the word human over the more eco-friendly huperson are yet to be confirmed.
432 days til the next election.
Comments
You are indeed on the wrong side of politics - but not for the reasons you sardonically catologue, darling.
I'm ready to be converted, zambia. Take me.
Anyone have Steve 'crocodile hunter' Irwin in the celebrity death-stakes this year? He just got killed by a stingray!
'Muslim leaders' want the anti-semitic claim investigated?! What am I missing here?
I think someone picked him, but Don Chipp pipped him at the post. TRULY AN ASTOUNDING STORY.
crikey Richard.
I am devo. I loved that man. He was on my GR3.
*weeps*
(That's Stevo, not Don)
Brendan is just such a funny guy with all those racist slurs and sexual harassment claims.
I had to blog about him too.
PS who is going to the NUS conference in Ballarat in Sept? Lot of funny funny tiny tories at that little shindig. Fights galore. Actual drunken punch-ups. The best bit is their traditional singing of God save the queen while an aboriginal elder is opening the event.
But it's something of a family tradition...Brendan's twin brother Brad made himself heard last year outside Maria Korp's hospital window, protesting against the Public Advocate's decision to withdraw her feeding tube. As if the poor woman hadn't suffered enough!
Agreed Ms Fits. It's all so fucking boring. I as a voter demand: more punch ups, more sex between opposing young party members, more animal husbandry between the young Libs - oh sorry that happens all the time, more biscuit stealing, more armpit licking, more swift kicks in the nuts and just one - please one really compromising photo of Brad getting fisted.
MsFist, it's not acceptable for huperson, it's now huperoffspring
I hereby offer my services to the ALP, and the left in general as a stand up, knock down party guy, with a heart of gold.
I can drink any Young Lib under the table, put him on the couch with a blankie, and "CUNT" written across his forhead in indelible ink, and still get up in the morning to round up and drench sheep, then put on my pure lamb's wool suit to go and have dinner with lesbian feminist vegans and taunt them about their preference for animals to die painful slow deaths in old age, then sexually harrass them while convincing them my behaviour is was the height of post po-po-mo irony.
Then while leaving for the evening I go and insult taxi drivers for their names and countries of origin, while siding with them against the US intervention in Mid East politics.
Get them to drop me at Pony where I proceed to dance until sunrise, Scoring cheap amphetamines form a guy who doesn't take it, and berate him for his hypocritical approach, then drink more, arguing with late night crusties about the finer points of VSU, while suggesting that, really, it is up to them to pay for their useless Egyptology degree, then walk home past the hallowed houses of State Parliament, as the sun rises in my eyes (having usefully brought my sunglasses with me for just such an eventuality) waving to the freezing, sober cops as I stumble on my merry way.
In fact, this is probably the best summary of an average Friday night I've ever concocted. So, what do you reckon, is this the kind of guy the left needs to get in the headlines?
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