Why pensioners are fucked and I am clever.
Last night I was on my way home from seeing Dizzee Rascal at the Prince of Wales* (see review below) and listening to Tony Delroy's NightLife on 774 ABC.Tony was doing the nightly Challenge quiz, and was asking the question: 'Which 1964 novel, written by Louise Fitzhugh, featured a girl named Harriet M. Welsch?' The answer - blindingly obvious to anyone my age with the remotest grasp of literature** - is Harriet the Spy. This is what followed that made me want to stab old people in the balls with a big splintery skewer.
Tony: We've got Eddie from Dandenong, how are you Eddie? 
Eddie: Oh, not bad thanks Tony, not bad. Tony: Got an answer there for us, Eddie? A book about a girl named Harriet M. Welsch , and I'll give you a clue here... she might have cause to be investigated by our intelligence agents. Eddie: Tony: You there, Eddie? Eddie: A girl named? Tony: A girl named Harriet M. Welsch who kept a diary. What was the name of that novel? Eddie: Oooh. (long, hideous pause) Tony: (cutting him off) Alright, we've got Thelma from Blackburn. You there, Thelma? 
Thelma: I think so, Tony.... Tony: Looking for the name of a novel by Louise Fitzhugh about a girl named Harriet. The title's got three words in it. Any ideas? Thelma: Harriet's Diary? Tony: Nice try Thelma, but I said three words. Three . Goldie on the line now, Hello. 
Goldie: Yes Tony, well I just want to say that it's a terrible shame about the Burnley tunnel, isn't it? Tony: Certainly is a shame. Any thoughts on the book? A girl named Harriet who might have something to do with our intelligence agencies . Perhaps a detective, or a... Goldie: Doctor? Tony: Not a doctor, Goldie. No. Sam from Coburg, G'day Sam. 
Sam: Oh, gooday Tony. You know that book Wind in the Whistle... Tony: Wind In the Willows, yes Sam... Sam: Well, the initials of that are double-you eye-tee double-you. Tony: (Pause) Not quite sure what you're getting at here... Sam: (with feeling) The initials . The initials . Tony: (Pause) Yes. (cuts him off) Another clue, the initials of the book we're actually talking about are H.T.S. HTS. Bruce from Bairnsdale? 
Bruce: (madly, away in distance)...about three pieces? Tony: (sensing lunatic, cuts him off) Not it I'm afraid. Gosh, we're having some trouble tonight aren't we? Don't think anyone out there actually knows the name of this novel. Ida, you there? 
Ida: Could I have another clue, Tony? Tony: It's a book about a girl named Harriet . She's some kind of detective or spy . There are three words in the title. One of them is Harriet . Initials, H - T - S. Ida: (long pause) Could I have another clue, Tony? I can't write what happened next because at that point I drove off the road in a smarmy, 'oh fuck I know this you utter cunts ' manner after failing to get through on my mobile. It was the grown-up talkback equivalent of 'pick me, teacher, pick me!'.
If you're interested to hear more of Tony Delroy's NightLife:
Monday July 26 Surviving Solo - Single life in the new Millenium
Tuesday July 27 Superannuation with Daryl Dixon
Wednesday July 28 Mandy McDonald Podiatry
Thursday July 29 Motoring with Will Hagon
Friday July 30 Astronomy with Jonathan Nally
*Dizzee Rascal - excellent except for strange table-top dancing routine with girls from the audience half-way through, and the fact that the set only went for 35 minutes. Tonight I am going to see the MC5 because I am quite rock and 'now'.
** Or perhaps only bookish lonely girls like myself.
Comments
you take so much pride in your blog ms fits, how do you do it? posting pics to add to the storyline is ingenious, but in some respects sad.
second ya on the set of dizzee, what was up with that?
anyone up for marshall crenshaw tomorrow night at the corner. it will be a kick ass gig with gregory page supporting whose an influential muso from san diego and once integral member of the rugburns.
M-A-N-U-M-A-N
that's right
You are too f*ckin funny. Love the pictures.
I listen to Tony Delroy some nights and it drives me bananas when people can't get the most obvious questions.
Hi, yes I agree. You are funny and I could just hear Tony's voice (and patience) as I read it!!!
I can't believe how frustrating that quiz is sometimes. And (as i currently work in abc radio) how infuriating pensioners are on the phone and talkback calls.
"I heard this song the other day, it had the word love in it in the title."
"I was listening to the wireless and they were talking about this book on women's health..."
"Because you see when my arthritis plays up that's when I know I need to revisit the doctor for a check up on my eyes, and what about john howard, isn't he doing well."
Can't wait to read more funny posts! Thanks
Yep, thats why we read you. A stupid idea taken to its natural, stoopididily, funny conclusion.
More Please.
Well I'm a regular on the challenge and Tony (what a sweetie) is so patient with me, especially when i forget that I'm ringing up a wireless program and start to rabble on about my arthritis and haemoroids.
Any clues please I say?
Someone told me that many of his callers are not real people at all but are really out of work actors that the ABC employ on the sly. So they already know the answers to the questions and Delroy knows who they are and they play this insideous game of pretending to be old people suffering from lapses of memory.
My friend Mavis refuses to listen into Tony because she reckons he is a just a lonely homosexual who lives with a cat. I don't know where she got that from.
Funniest shit I have read in a long while.
Comments are closed.