Reasons you will hate me

So....you're telling me I'm shit and you expect me to be happy?

Gee you've got high standards for compliments Fits.
;)

To paraphrase Oscar...We are all in the gutter but some of us are...like really great shit.

I'm unclear as to whether your bestie Sam is describing you as the sifter of as-yet-undiscovered golden shit of you are, in fact, the actual shit. Golden or otherwise.

I can see your blog from here.

How do I activate my GPS?

Better than Balwyn bullshit or even, save the mark, Collingwood crap.

Hi Fits,
Listen do you like write down conversations immediately after they've happened like some sort of spooky conversation detective?

Does this mean Toorak council police with lamps on their head will be opening you up and manhandling you in the middle of the night?

I think your friend Sam is a little confused. As am I after seeing what he/she said.

That's an interesting point: when you hear the name "Sam" do you automatically think man or woman? Also, "Jo".


By the way, look out for my new series on Fox8, "Spooky Conversation Detective Adventures", starring me as Spooky Conversation Detective and Deborah Mailman as my loyal sidekick Whammy.

Sam is a man and some conversations I write down directly after while others I recreate from memory I thank you for your queries.

According to this Sam man, what you do is like really great shit in the gutter. 'hey fits, when you shit in the gutter it's great. On many levels this makes me shudder. Give me a glass top coffee table any day.

Mis Fits, I described you to someone today as 'sex on legs'.

careful anon and ben. i'm under copyright.
regards,
scd

It could have been worse - in that analaogy I would be described as the gutter because everyone dumps their crap on me, and when all the gold has been extracted I'm still left with the shit. And a homeless guy's ass on my face.

@andy pants...that beats shit on legs

That is one of the best post titles ever

That Sam is a man is evident by the fact that his compliment was so crap. Men excel in the giving of crap compliments

Does anyone else feel like reciting Green Eggs and Ham with me now?

dopler drift rate's at 4.5 that's a bit rough.

Is that why I'm lost Fred?

Fits I'm getting an image of you with a pad and pencil and a trenchcoat.

Sam? work colleague? Sounds like foot-in-mouth disease - compliment gone horribly wrong.

Tell him to stick to "gee aren't they feeding you at home? you're wasting away!"

Dear MISS Fits,
I recently attended my first orgasm, and has horrified by the actions of some of the young people involved. They seemed to be gyrating wildly, and had little or no decorum about them. This sort of thing never happened in my day.
On returning home I interrogated my great-niece about all this, and she assures me it never happened before the last election.
This leads me to the question - "Does Labor promote orgasms?".

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. Riordan

This adds further complexity to the stupid previous class/elite debate about you. Thank you, Sam.

It's the *high class neighborhood part* that has me perplexed. Herself shines against every background. Parliament House or Harris Street on a hot Friday afternoon.

What sort of shit? Amoebic dysentery? Poodle diarrhoea? That stuff you find sticking to the back of the toilet bowl on Saturday morning that's almost impossible to scrub off and when you try you get splashed with turd water? You could be any one of these types of shit Ms Fits. Be specific.

"i would crawl 100 miles over broken glass just to wank over your hard rubbish"

doesn't really work...does it?

'Toorak hard rubbish'.

Socially connected, politically 'aware', semi-professional types in cultural fields often seem compelled to down-play their comparative good fortune by affecting 'trashy' personae. Up to a point.

It's a bit like judges and police chief-inspectors who like to be 'punished' at S&M dungeons.

It takes the load of responsibility off their shoulders and mitigates that nagging class guilt thingy they feel. Or think they should feel.

You never hear white trash welfare mums joking about being 'trashy'. Do you?

You are the pooh that glints in the early morning sunshine and beckons me to breathe deeply and partake of your earthly aroma.

White trash welfare mums joke about being 'elite'.

"White trash welfare mums joke about being 'elite'. "

Mine did. Until she got a promotion.

Yeah, mine did too... now she's been promoted to 'culturally elite'. Her next promotion will be to 'leftie chardonnay drinking twit', followed by 'tree-hugging, lesbian-whale tibet-freeing nutter' and then back to 'white trash welfare mum'. It's all just a big cycle.

Ah pure Fits, a vaguely amusing anecdote which conveys to the reader how much the writers friends like her, disguised with a wafer thin vale of self depreciation.

Now lets see all her brain-dead supporters rush to her defence.

I went through that cycle just last week. I call it the 'wince cycle'.

".. a wafer thin vale of self depreciation."

Is that like a wafer thin veil of self deprecation?

Or is it a valley where assets go after they've undergone a write-down? A sort of Hades for bankers.

Though my investments go into the vale of self depreciation, I fear no capital gains tax.

sara... who's brain dead? People who generally enjoy Fits posts and like her work...Or people like you who actively visit this blog then bag her out?

Get.A.Life

Ms Fits. No doubt you will very soon be appearing on an ABC TV celebrity game show. With this in mind, consider the following:

You have found a bowel motion floating in the toilet that looks exactly like your boyfriend's head. Do you

a) Take it home wrapped in tissue and both
have a good laugh at the absurdity,

b) As above and have it bronzed as a
Christening present for you first born,

c) Flush it and forget the whole thing or

d) Lose all sexual interest in your man and
take up with whatever drunk will have you

Your time starts..... now!

"Ah pure Fits, a vaguely amusing anecdote which conveys to the reader how much the writers friends like her"

She doesn't have friends, none of those egomaniacs do. What they do have is a bunch of hangers-on and arselickers who'll dump them the second the star starts to fade. Then they go and buy a farm in the Hunter valley and sit pouting there until they die of lung cancer. Then the 'friends' start selling the photos....

Some of you folks are a tad harsh...

So anyway (apologies if someone's asked this already Ms Fits) when you were at the 2020 summit the other day did you say to Kev "listen here tin tin, don't fuck it up"!?

I like reading Ms Fits, I even get the jokes sometimes, but some of the comments make me feel like I need to do a degree to understand what the fuck is going on. Lets be real here, hands up who is trying to out wank each other? Tell the truth.

*ego-maniacs*, such a quaint term. Anybody want to invest in a fat farm in the Hunter Valley for self depreciating ego maniacs?

It's OK Prof, it goes on all the time. Stick around, you'll get used to it. Didn't you have me in your applied rectology class once?

So, how about this fucking ANZAC day bullshit then, eh? Talk about your pagan ancestor worship! Sheesh! A fellow patriot just down the road has got an Australian (australian?) flag fixed to his balcony....... with yellow clothes pegs! Sweet Georgia Brown, what are we becoming!

I like Sam's work ,he is intelligent and creative .Maybe a young Aussie Russel brand

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3790457010283561222&q=russell+brand+ponderland&ei=zVwQSMHVPIrQ4gLg-dGuBA

Lady Fits is like snow white in a ramstein clip.Well maybe just same colour skin and lips ,but a great clip just the same.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3790457010283561222&q=russell+brand+ponderland&ei=zVwQSMHVPIrQ4gLg-dGuBA

"Lady Fits is like snow white in a ramstein clip.Well maybe just same colour skin and lips ,but a great clip just the same."

Lets go and roger her behind the shearing shed.

I nick a lot of stuff from hard rubbish.


Like couches.

Forgive me if someone has already said this, but I have better things to do then read ALL comments.

But

Is the woman above Fits' "About Me" the Spooky Conversation Detective?

I nick a lot of stuff from hard rubbish.


Like couches.


And boyfriends.

Sam reminds me of the woman on 'Collectors' a few weeks ago on the abc who was proudly displaying her collection of hair. Her favourite piece was a collage of her entire family's pubic hair mounted on a board which she spoke of like they were precious photographs. Perhaps Sam will appear next week with his collection of faeces...

I nick a lot of stuff from hard rubbish.


Like couches.


And boyfriends.


And toilet seats.

Ms Fits, how about a review of 'Ideal'?

I nick a lot of stuff from hard rubbish.


Like couches.


And boyfriends.


And toilet seats.


And sex toys without batteries.

Dear Prof. Harold Hill

If the commenters here aren't mildly intellectual lefty wankers then they're most likely idiotic conservative wankers

The former are usually just here for here for mindless entertainment whilst the latter are just here to do what they do best, pointlessly spread their unintelligible vitriol and express their latent sexual frustration/confusion.

I gotta agree A.Pants... and it's getting tedious.

Cheers A.Pants, It's all very intersting anyway. If nothing else, Im can at least laugh at others, and who doesn't enjoy that.

"Andy Pants said...
Dear Prof. Harold Hill"

And then there is Andy Pants.

Some people say he's been bricked up in the cellar by his mum, who feeds him fish heads and has a locked codpiece on him so he can't defile himself.

In Japan it's considered a delicacy.

I got the sizzle but not the steak
I got the boat but not the lake
I got the sheets but not the bed
I got the jam but not the bread

When you are next in Perth, Marieka, I would
like to take you out :)