Your Friday gig guide.
Goodness, it's been a big week for us in the blogosphere hasn't it? Coming up trumps in a blog war, growing closer as comrades, having a three-way behind the recycle bins at Grossi Florentino . Now you want to know what to do tonight. Let's talk.
1. Eat fine food!
I'm not telling you where I'm eating tonight in case you come and do a pressed ham against the window and put me off my dinner. You fucking fruit. But rest assured it's beyond special and I will keep my legs crossed tightly under the table while I am eating for fear of making the lady juice all over the restaurant floor.
If you're looking for somewhere hot to go, you should try here , here , or here . Maybe we could go together some time. Why don't you call me anymore? I miss you.
2. Buy a dildo showbag!
Drizzly Spring rolls around again, which can mean only one thing - Sexpo is back in town. Today's Age carries a not uninteresting story about soldiers and sex, which reads as follows:
'Sex has always been the untold story of a soldier's life on foreign shores.
For centuries, soldiers serving in strange lands have sought the comfort and pleasure of local women, according to Australian National University historian Jill Matthews.
Speaking on the history of the sex industry on the opening day of the Melbourne 2004 Sexpo yesterday, Dr Matthews related one of the lesser known events involving Australian troops in World War 1, the so-called 'Battle of the Wazza'.
Stationed in Cairo in 1915 in the weeks before the assault on Gallipoli, about 3000 Anzac soldiers rioted for three days through the city's red light district, burning and trashing houses.
'It was commonly believed to be an act of retribution by the troops because a considerable number of them had contracted venereal disease,' Dr Matthews said.
...New Zealand woman Ettie Rout, realising the soldiers' needs, set up a social and sexual welfare service in Paris for the Anzacs on leave from the Western Front, including a safe-sex brothel.'
Wtf? 'Battle of the Wazza'?? This sounds suspiciously like something cooked up by Sexpo organisers to boost publicity for the exhibition. Wait 'til Valentine's Day comes around and they wheel out 'Battle of the Doug'.
'Battle of the Wazza' my fucking arse*.
I will be buying 'blue' products, so let me know if you want anything and we can have a MELBOURNE SEX BLOGGING PARTY! Fuck the Sydneysiders and their Grog Blogging . Let's get naked and talk about computers! WHO'S WITH ME???
3. Watch the ladies rock!
Tonight at the Old Bar , two of my favourite rock hotnesses will be playing in the one place. Young Professionals and Your Wedding Night 'hit the stage' (there's another show-business term for you) at about 9:30 and you should come and have a gin and tonic with me. I will be the one supine before the guitars with lust and envy. Here's YWN:
Do you not love them? Yes you do.
Here endeth Friday's community service announcement.
* I actually Googled 'Battle of the Wazza' this morning and found this . So unless ol' Robert Ellwood's suffering from an interesting case of dementia and has invented the whole sexy she-bang, the tale is true. Slap me down and colour me a jaded inner-city neo-bohemian.
2 days til Gabi comes home.
1062 days til the next election.
Comments
So Easybeats Right Now
Sniffle.
I take it then you will NOT be belly dancing at the Sydney function?
Bugger... I was secretly hoping for a bit of old skool lesbian finger-bang fuck, but I guess I'm shit outta luck.
If we were real geeks we'd get with computers and talk about sex. Your suggestion is far superior.
re Old Bar - 90% sure I'll be in attendance.
Now: where did I put that posca pen?
are you going to do some christmas shopping at sexpo? a little something for miranda? something to wear when gabi gets back? we shall expect a full report if you visit sexpo of course
Silly me! I forgot to put my order in. Could you get me one of these?
I thought you already had a horse-tail butt plug, Fudd.
When are you going to Sexpo, lady? I might, er, bump into you.
Ooh er, matron!
'Jaded Inner-City Neo-Bohemian.'
I believe the term you're looking for is 'Noted Fitzroy Bore.'
To which we all say, 'Not our Fits, you Whore!'
Oh, and Sexpo - for serious? You have seen the ads, haven't you? 'Jaded outer-suburban dye-job.'
I'm not sure what I love more - that you leapt to my defence or that you made it rhyme.
I only have one memory of sexpo. It was in 99', I went with a hag of mine, both 19, excited and ready. Judging by the strip itinery we were given, we were just in time to see some men get nekkid. Instead, 3 women came out and took their clothes off. Major dissapointment. The poor hag was sandwiched in between a gay guy and some guy who liked to fidget during the entire strip show.
How did I miss all these crikey brou-ha-ha when I am regular reader? And who is Misha Scheubert for The Age? And has some one already defended you in regard to the bore remark? And why am I asking so many questions? Can someone answer me this?
oh yay, my old blog is gone, so i don't need to worry about people reading it, so i can use this account, so i don't have to post anonymously any more
ms fits, your stalkers scare me
i could never top them
but i will be seeing you at the old bar tonight, of course
i don't know about buying you a drink though
me thinks that Pandagate is the best thing to happen online since like... ever. Totally.
don't we all feel voyeuristically united in a bloggy world?
me also thinks that’s why you ask so many questions lee lee - we wants to know. We gots to know. we’re banded together in honour of our blog-bitch, ms fits.
whether passively following with glee, or bloggingly slapping miranda panda to the ground: we heart pandagate, because we heart ms fits.
awww, can you feel the love?
Fits - "I thought you already had a horse-tail butt plug, Fudd."
I'd like to trade in the red-haired one for black...
Sorry to thread-jack, Ms Fits. I hope you're okay with me spreading the word where I know it'll get seen.
If anyone's interested, Julia Gillard is hosting drinks for the Victorian Young Labor Left tonight from 7pm at La Notte in Lygon Street.
Technically it's for current or prospective ALP members under 26, but the progressive elderly (youth-impaired) are welcome to come along and share a beer with us. Free entry, good company.
Call Kevin on 0438 034 575 or Anthony on 9347 5000, to make sure you get on a table or just rock up.
Oh, and who wants a Pandagate t-shirt?
Yeah, I wanna t-shirt. One of those green ones with the pony riding on it.
Even my mum wants a Pandagate t-shirt.
i want 7, so i can have a fresh one everyday.
so uuhhh.. who's for the grogblog? not that i'm jealous of all your sexpartyblog shenanigans. *whimper*
and hey - there's a link to my blog on ausculture! horns.. someone recognises that i have more culture than just bacteria! it is good bacteria though.. ooh - Crown Street. not far from my house.. yey!!
Hey...who blabbed about the sexparty blog?
yeah, after sherriff's fantastic stealthiness...
Fudd - trading buttplugs. is that allowed???!
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The Red-Haired Butt Plug keeps slipping too far in, where she isn't wanted and does herself no good. I'd rather have one that "Fits"...
Oh Ms. Fits. I so wanna be you when I grow up!
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Aw man... I was laughing so hard at the pressed ham. But about the time you brought up the 'ladyjuice' is about the time i tuned out.
Grossest thing i heard all day. That said, i do hope you enjoy your meal.
Ben.
Hi Seppo here. I just came out of a self induced coma as a result of the Elections here in Jesusland USA. Is the entire world getting more conservative?
You're lucky the lady fruit is in season there it's Fall here - Autumn - whatever you call it - ass arse ass and I was going to have some cereal but I think a fresh squeezed glass of lady juice would really hit the spot. There was some japanese sex video where this girl goes 7 days drinking only cum from the 8 guys she's locked up with and eating an egg. Sperm, Egg. It was all like a hygene film gone terribly wrong.
So how the hell did Panda-gate conclude? I was in the loop and then I was out. Well?...!
nite
Saving humanity's collective rectum from its own colostomy.
I'll only come to your pron party if MAB is invited so I can have a crack.
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